Dauber's World

People Lie to Be a Michigan Alum

2009-03-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

Apparently being a Michigan alum is worth more than I thought. Today the CEO of Concur admitted that he never graduated from Michigan (though he did attend for four years). This despite the fact that he said he did for some time. Apparently the market doesn't want to own stock of CEOs that blatantly (and inexplicably) lie. Concur's stock fell a lot (~20%) today. Why do I think a lawsuit is coming?

from Barron's:

Concur Technologies (CNQR) shares fell sharply Friday on reports - now confirmed by the company - that chairman and CEO S. Steven Singh does not actually have a bachelor’s degree in engineering from the University of Michigan, as Concur had asserted in many previous financial filings.

According to Bloomberg,a spokeswoman for the company confirms that Singh did not actually earn an engineering degree from the school. The claims was made in Concur filings from 1998 until January 2007; the company said Singh himself asked the company to remove the reference in future filings. “I deeply regret the mistake,” Singh said in a statement to Bloomberg via an e-mail sent by the spokeswoman.

The wire services reports that Singh was enrolled at Michigan from 1979 until 1983, but did not receive a degree. concur, which makes corporate expense management software, indicated that it would take no disciplinary action in the matter.

Bloomberg notes that the discovery was brought to light by the Fraud Discovery Institute, a San Diego firm co-founded by Barry Minkow, who served more than seven years in prison for fraud committed as CEO of the carpet-cleaning company ZZZZ Best. Bloomberg notes that Minkow, who has recently made something of a habit of uncovering public company execs who have provided inaccurate information about their educational background, says he’s bought put options on Concur.

CNQR today fell $4.47, or 19.75, to $18.20.

Stimulus Package

2009-01-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in a while and this isn't a fun post. I just wanted to put this down so I can reference it in the future. I still hope that Obama does a good job, but seeing a bill like this getting fast-tracked through Congress helps to remind me of why I voted for McCain.

source: WSJ editorial
A 40-Year Wish List
You won't believe what's in that stimulus bill.

"Never let a serious crisis go to waste. What I mean by that is it's an opportunity to do things you couldn't do before."

So said White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel in November, and Democrats in Congress are certainly taking his advice to heart. The 647-page, $825 billion House legislation is being sold as an economic "stimulus," but now that Democrats have finally released the details we understand Rahm's point much better. This is a political wonder that manages to spend money on just about every pent-up Democratic proposal of the last 40 years.
[Review & Outlook] AP

We've looked it over, and even we can't quite believe it. There's $1 billion for Amtrak, the federal railroad that hasn't turned a profit in 40 years; $2 billion for child-care subsidies; $50 million for that great engine of job creation, the National Endowment for the Arts; $400 million for global-warming research and another $2.4 billion for carbon-capture demonstration projects. There's even $650 million on top of the billions already doled out to pay for digital TV conversion coupons.

In selling the plan, President Obama has said this bill will make "dramatic investments to revive our flagging economy." Well, you be the judge. Some $30 billion, or less than 5% of the spending in the bill, is for fixing bridges or other highway projects. There's another $40 billion for broadband and electric grid development, airports and clean water projects that are arguably worthwhile priorities.

Add the roughly $20 billion for business tax cuts, and by our estimate only $90 billion out of $825 billion, or about 12 cents of every $1, is for something that can plausibly be considered a growth stimulus. And even many of these projects aren't likely to help the economy immediately. As Peter Orszag, the President's new budget director, told Congress a year ago, "even those [public works] that are 'on the shelf' generally cannot be undertaken quickly enough to provide timely stimulus to the economy."
[Review & Outlook]

Most of the rest of this project spending will go to such things as renewable energy funding ($8 billion) or mass transit ($6 billion) that have a low or negative return on investment. Most urban transit systems are so badly managed that their fares cover less than half of their costs. However, the people who operate these systems belong to public-employee unions that are campaign contributors to . . . guess which party?

Here's another lu-lu: Congress wants to spend $600 million more for the federal government to buy new cars. Uncle Sam already spends $3 billion a year on its fleet of 600,000 vehicles. Congress also wants to spend $7 billion for modernizing federal buildings and facilities. The Smithsonian is targeted to receive $150 million; we love the Smithsonian, too, but this is a job creator?

Another "stimulus" secret is that some $252 billion is for income-transfer payments -- that is, not investments that arguably help everyone, but cash or benefits to individuals for doing nothing at all. There's $81 billion for Medicaid, $36 billion for expanded unemployment benefits, $20 billion for food stamps, and $83 billion for the earned income credit for people who don't pay income tax. While some of that may be justified to help poorer Americans ride out the recession, they aren't job creators.

As for the promise of accountability, some $54 billion will go to federal programs that the Office of Management and Budget or the Government Accountability Office have already criticized as "ineffective" or unable to pass basic financial audits. These include the Economic Development Administration, the Small Business Administration, the 10 federal job training programs, and many more.

Oh, and don't forget education, which would get $66 billion more. That's more than the entire Education Department spent a mere 10 years ago and is on top of the doubling under President Bush. Some $6 billion of this will subsidize university building projects. If you think the intention here is to help kids learn, the House declares on page 257 that "No recipient . . . shall use such funds to provide financial assistance to students to attend private elementary or secondary schools." Horrors: Some money might go to nonunion teachers.

The larger fiscal issue here is whether this spending bonanza will become part of the annual "budget baseline" that Congress uses as the new floor when calculating how much to increase spending the following year, and into the future. Democrats insist that it will not. But it's hard -- no, impossible -- to believe that Congress will cut spending next year on any of these programs from their new, higher levels. The likelihood is that this allegedly emergency spending will become a permanent addition to federal outlays -- increasing pressure for tax increases in the bargain. Any Blue Dog Democrat who votes for this ought to turn in his "deficit hawk" credentials.

This is supposed to be a new era of bipartisanship, but this bill was written based on the wish list of every living -- or dead -- Democratic interest group. As Speaker Nancy Pelosi put it, "We won the election. We wrote the bill." So they did. Republicans should let them take all of the credit.

One More Thought On Tonite

2008-11-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

I first really got into politics in the 1988 race for the White House (I was a huge Dukakis supporter at the time). Dan Quayle's daughter actually attended my elementary school until after the election and I remember that really made politics personal for me. For the last 20 years I've followed politics closely and despite getting upset from time-to-time over the winners and losers in various races it's hard for me to feel anything other than pride in my country tonight. The United States is a country where we elect our leaders. We have months of debate, but in the end we have an orderly (non-violent) transition of power. It's easy to live in the US and take that for granted, but if one is a student of history (and I fancy myself one) then it's not hard to find a plethora of examples (many recent) where this isn't the case. We're all very lucky to live in a country where we have the ability to pick the leaders that we want in power (even when the "other guy" wins).

I was very pleased with both the concession speech of McCain and the victory speech by Obama. As I said earlier, I certainly hope Obama is successful. This country is in a tough spot right now, but I hope Obama is able to lead us in the right direction. Despite the fact that I didn't vote for him tonight, I'd love to be in a position to vote for him in '12 -- that would say he (and the rest of our government) did a number of things right between now and then.

Why I Voted for McCain

2008-11-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

I've considered this race over for some time, and I expect in the next couple of hours it will become official -- Barack Obama will be the next President of these United States. I haven't posted in a while (apparently since July) and I didn't think it was right to campaign on my blog, but I would like to explain why I voted the way I did. First of all I voted against Bush twice. I'm a right-leaning centrist who is a fiscal conservative and as liberal as they come in the case of social issues. I believe in low taxes, limited government, free trade and very strict separation of Church and State. I want the government to stay out of my personal life.

I've been a big fan of McCain for a long time for a very simple reason -- in my opinion I think that McCain does what he believes is right, not what he believes is popular. People can say what they'd like about the decisions that McCain has made in this campaign, but the fact of the matter is we know who this man is. He's served this country for a long time. Probably my biggest problem with Obama is that I don't know who he is. He's certainly a very smart man. He's likely very capable. However 4 years ago he was a newly elected Senator to Illinois. He's done very little since then other than campaign for President (as near as I can tell anyway). I feel as if he purposely didn't make any waves so he could de-throne Hillary. His messages in this campaign have been about change and linking McCain to Bush. They're smart tactics for sure (especially in this environment), but they don't tell me what he'll do in a tough situation. I don't know what he stands for. Most of the policies that Obama has laid out are ones that I disagree substantially. I hope he doesn't turn into a "Robin Hood" and I hope he doesn't declare war on business and free trade.

The other concern I have with an Obama Presidency (and this has nothing to do with him) is that I typically vote to have Congress and the Presidency oppose each other. Call my a cynic, but my experience is that both political parties have factions that I could do without. I'd rather the parties be forced to compromise than to have one in total control. I don't play favorites here. I have no faith in Congress right now. I think both sides are completely irresponsible. I fear that a Democratic-controlled House/Senate coupled with Obama as President will cause a big run-up in spending and give-aways to the left (the same way the Republicans have had give-aways to the right under Bush).

In the end though it really doesn't matter on any of this. The Nation has decided. I really hope Obama is as good as many people seem to believe. This country is need a big morale boost, not to mention a boost to this economy. Maybe Obama can turn things around. He'll have my support (for whatever that is worth).

Why Hasn't This Been Invented Yet?

2008-07-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

Every year Dauber's World gives out "product of the year" awards to products that solve real problems that humans face every day. Yesterday Dauber's World became aware of a product that somehow does NOT exist, but clearly should. Androgenic alopecia, better known by it's common name of "male pattern baldness" afflicts a quarter of all men by the age of 25 and two-thirds by the age of 60.

Yesterday official hair-cutter of Dauber's World, Phoebe, told Dauber's World to watch out for getting sunburned. Getting a sub burn on the top of your head while already losing hair is a real kick in the shins. Dauber's World isn't bald, however. Dauber's World is only suffering from thinning hair (at a rapidly increasing rate), and herein lies the problem. After spending an hour in the beauty department in Nordstrom Dauber's World determined that there exists no SPF-rated sun block specifically formulated to put in thinning hair. There are lots of sub blocks out there for your skin and for your face. There are even sun blocks to protect YOUR HAIR. There isn't any specially-formulated sun block to put in thinning hair. Dauber's World thinks this would be a killer product. You can't use traditional sun block in your hair -- it's makes your hair greasy and gross looking. If you are completely bald then normal sun block is fine, but male pattern baldness doesn't work like that. It's a gradual thing. One "helpful" sales person yesterday suggested to Dauber's World that he "wear a hat"!

Is it possible that here, in the 21st century, human civilization can do nothing else to protect the scalps of balding men from sun burn than to suggest that they wear a hat? A hat!?!?!? That solution was available over two thousand years ago. Considering the quantity of products made for balding men it's astounding that such a product hasn't been invented yet. The first company to release such a product will surely win the next "product of the year" award from Dauber's World.

At The End of The Day (Redux)

2008-06-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

Almost 3 and a half years ago Dauber's World made one of its most seminal posts about the overuse of the phrase "at the end of the day". Well, much to Dauber's World's chagrin the "at the end of the day" craze hasn't waned a bit. In fact, through Dauber's World's completely unscientific research it's gotten much worse. Every single day from the highest ranking executives to the lowest levels of the organization people throughout the English-speaking World are using "at the end of the day" to make what they're saying sound more important than it really is.

Dauber's World has had it. The usage of this phrase has reached epidemic proportions. Never before in the history of business has a phrase been more over-used. And it STILL doesn't mean anything! Dauber's World is making an open plea to all loyal readers: stop using this expression! Actually, Dauber's World will go one step further: encourage others to stop using the expression and correct those that use it. Dauber's World dreams of one day going to meetings where people are able to emphasize the importance of something without feeling compelled to say "at the end of the day."

Dauber's World Offer Superior Readability vs. All Other Blogs

2008-06-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World doesn't get it. Apparently the market for light beers with a hint of lime was so under-served that we need not one, but TWO major-label American beer makers selling them. First there was the release of Miller Chill last summer. A disgusting blend of crappy beer with a hint of lime and salt. Memo to Miller: this is beer, not a margarita. Then, to add credence to the idea that there must be a market here Budweiser released Bud Light Lime recently. Wtf? Dauber's World loves this marketing though (from their web site):

"Bud Light Lime is a premium light beer that combines the superior drinkability of Bud Light with a splash of 100% natural lime flavor."

Superior drinkability? What is that exactly? Dauber's World isn't even sure if "drinkability" is a word, but regardless Dauber's World has absolutely no idea what it means. It's not like Bud Light is a liquid while other beers are solids. Now THAT would be superior drinkability. Dauber's World hates it when marketers fabricate criteria for their product that makes no sense. At least say it tastes better or something. That's at least a claim. Dauber's World has never heard of anyone suggest one beverage over another for its superior drinkability. Furthermore, what is "100% natural lime flavor"? That sounds suspiciously like "not lime juice". Frankly it seems like a clever riddle: what is 100% natural lime flavor, but not made of limes? These guys at Bud Light Lime need to take a page from the Jawbone people. Noise Assassin is genius. Superior drinkability is just plain retarded.

What Have You Done Krazee-Eyez?

2008-05-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World has been a fan of Chris Williams (interesting fact: Chris Williams is Vanessa Williams' brother) since November 3rd, 2002. That's the day that Chris Williams' episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm aired. Williams, you see, is none other than Krazee-Eyez Killa himself. It's a great Curb episode (official TV show of Dauber's World), but Williams practically steals the show (of course the best scene is probably Larry calling directory assistance trying different spellings of the name "Killa"). Over the years though, Dauber's World has watched Williams' career with dismay. He's never been able to capture the genius that was Krazee-Eyez. Then, the other day, to the horror of Dauber's World, Dauber's World saw Williams hawking KFC's new Smoky Chipotle Wings! Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

While on the subject of KFC, why is it that they're always coming up with smoky this, or barbecue that? Can't KFC just make decent chicken? Maybe they should go to Popeye's. Not the most glamorous of chains, Popeye's still has (in the opinion of Dauber's World) the best fried chicken out there (but you have to get spicy). Popeye's is also one of the few places where you can say "breast up-charge" in public without people thinking you're weird. Well, maybe not.

Another Geeky BlackBerry Post

2008-05-20T22:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, Dauber's World can hear the groans already -- another geeky post on BlackBerry's? Many a loyal Dauber's World readers who are also loyal Verizon Wireless customers commented early last week that BlackBerry always releases the best new phones for AT&T while Verizon subscribers have to make-due with older phones. That is no longer the case. Late last week the WSJ ran an article about the new 9500 known as the BlackBerry Thunder (side note: in Robin Williams' stand-up routine when parodying Condoleezza Rice he refers to Colin Powell as "Chocolate Thunder"). This is an exclusive deal with Verizon to combat the new Apple iPhone which is finally (a year late) coming out with the 3G version on June 9th. So now all you Verizon Wireless customers will have a new BlackBerry that will leave Dauber's World drooling.

In other, dorky cell phone news, a loyal Dauber's World reader (Dauber's World always appreciates help from loyal readers) pointed out that Jawbone (maker of the best Bluetooth headset ever) has just come out with a new (gen 2) Bluetooth headset. The new version seems smaller and has a feature called "noise assassin". Dauber's World would like to give kudos to the marketing manager who figured out how to get the word "assassin" into the name of a product feature. Dauber's World will now scour the Earth for other (regular, non-lethal products) that contain the word "assassin". For a future post Dauber's World will try to come up with possible product ideas leveraging assassin in their name (side bet: Clarence will post in the next two days with an idea for a product using the word "assassin" just to show-up Dauber's World).

No Comment

2008-05-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World doesn't even know how to comment on this other than to say that Dauber's World feels sorry for the penguin. Note this is a REAL news story. Thanks to loyal Dauber's World reader "Manimal" (aka Clarence) for the forward...

Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin
Scientists study rare example of interspecies sexual harassment

By Charles Q. Choi
updated 9:12 a.m. PT, Tues., May. 13, 2008

A seal has been caught on camera trying to have sex with a penguin.

This seems to be the first example seen in the wild of a sexual escapade between a mammal and a different kind of vertebrate such as a bird, reptile or fish, "although some mammals are known to have attempted sexual relief with inanimate — including dead things — objects," said researcher Nico de Bruyn, a mammal ecologist at the University of Pretoria in South Africa.

One summer morning, scientists observing elephant seals on a beach on Marion Island near the Antarctic spotted a young male Antarctic fur seal subduing a king penguin.

"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," de Bruyn recalled today via email.

The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes. Natural, unsuccessful sexual escapades by this variety of seal with members of its own species may last as long as this penguin assault did, "but yes, it is quite a long time and thus unusual," de Bruyn told LiveScience.

The seal then abruptly gave up, moving to sea and completely ignoring the target of its affections. The penguin apparently did not suffer any injury. The scientists detailed their findings in the May issue of the Journal of Ethology.

Sexual harassment is common in the animal kingdom — "Homo sapiens are often testimony to that," de Bruyn said.

Many species perform some form of sexual harassment on members of their own species, "for a variety of reasons many of which are hotly debated," he added.

Many species of seal are polygynous, where one male mates with many females. The males often fight each other to control females.

"This system thus promotes extreme aggression in males towards each other, and if a male cannot control a beach, this aggression may spill over to sexual aggression directed at outlying females, pups or even in rare cases other seal species," de Bruyn said.

And this sexual aggression apparently might leap well beyond the species gap.

The Antarctic fur seals of Marion Island are the only seals known to eat king penguins. The thrill of the hunt felt by the seal the researchers saw may have channeled into its sex drive, as the mating season had just come to an end.

"It may have wanted to eat it and half-way through the chase changed its mind," de Bruyn speculated. "I personally believe the link between aggressive and sexual behavior is evolutionarily far closer linked than we currently believe. This has obvious implications for humans."

On the other hand, the amorous seal may simply have been sexually inexperienced and playful, and wanted practice, the researchers conjectured.

"There are many things that we do not understand about ourselves that are mirrored in other species," de Bruyn said. "Thus by continuing with research efforts on other vertebrates we could learn a great deal about the whys behind human behaviors."

Dauber's World Attempts to Add Value

2008-05-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

This isn't a very exciting post, but Dauber's World hopes it's a somewhat helpful one. Dauber's World tries to balance the typical gripes and complaints with an occasional piece of information or two that is somewhat useful.

Yelp is certainly a well known web site, but Dauber's World is amazed at how many services Yelp is good at finding. The official cleaners of Dauber's World was found via yelp as was the official movers (ask for Viktoria and tell her you found it on Yelp). Cleaners and movers are just the type of services that Yelp is perfect for (on top of restaurants, which Yelp is also very good for).

Odds 'n Ends

2008-05-13T04:58:00.000-07:00

Every time Dauber's World drives an American car Dauber's World is mystified by how unbelievably poorly it compares to cars made elsewhere. Current car rental (complete with EZ Pass) is a Pontiac G6. Egads! The interior is cheap and the design is awful. For the money there are plenty of Toyotas and Hondas that are significantly better. Dauber's World knows this is an often-repeated point but will belabor it one more time: what the hell is Detroit doing? Maybe engineers from GM should be forced to drive OTHER cars so they realize how much theirs suck.

On the topic of rental cars: why do they force you to have both keys in the key chain when you rent a car? Presumably they don't want to lose the other key, but it's really annoying as the car renter to have a giant key chain with TWO huge keys. Dauber's World is all about pocket optimization. Only critical components can be carried in a pocket. A single car key is needed, but not two.

In other news yesterday BlackBerry released their much-anticipated BlackBerry 9000 (also know as the "Bold"). Dauber's World's official response: "oooooh, it's pretty." Dauber's World just bought a phone in late February. Nuts! BlackBerry is betting that Dauber's World won't want to wait two full years to get an HSDPA-enabled BlackBerry -- and they're probably right. The move by RIM to announce the phone in advance of it's release this summer is clearly a move to try to make sure that someone notices. In a month Apple will announce their much-anticipated (though not by Dauber's World) 3G phone and RIM wanted to make sure someone was paying attention.

More interesting than the BlackBerry Bold release yesterday was the news that RIM is also creating a $150M venture fund for BlackBerry Apps. This sounds familiar. Almost like the $100M fund that Kleiner Perkins made for iPhone apps. Dauber's World doesn't really understand these funds. As corporate development projects they make sense, but why would such a narrow fund make sense to KPCB investors? What RIM should do is give $400 to Dauber's World to buy a new phone. Dauber's World would then take it upon himself to make sure all friends, family and co-workers new all the super-cool features of the new phone. That would be money well spent.

What Took Them So Long?

2008-05-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

There's an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer hires an intern because he feels he has a number of good ideas that were "stolen" that he didn't have time to act on. Dauber's World feels his pain.

On Friday night Dauber's World went to the Sundance Kabuki Theater with official ex-boss and ex-boss' wife Ryan and Melissa to see Iron Man (Dauber's World won't comment on the film other than to say actor/director John Favreau appears to be back in his "Singers" physique). The Sundance line of theaters actually allows you to reserve seats! Where on Earth did they come up with that idea? Virtually every other entertainment event requires some form of seats (with the excepting of things like the floor space at a rock concert). For years when Dauber's World was waiting in lines for an hour and then getting seated 30 minutes before the show. Dauber's World thought that theater owners were missing a golden opportunity to extract more money from customers who valued their time. The additional cost is $1.50 which is nothing when you consider that the theater is also incredibly nice, w/ spacious seats AND they have a bar in the balcony so you can drink beer at your seat. Dauber's World is an instant convert. Incidentally if you don't show up to the theater 15 minutes before show time the theater will give up your seat assignments -- a perfectly fair system in Dauber's World's opinion.

This morning Dauber's World landed in Logan Airport and picked up a rental car from Avis. Dauber's World hates renting cars. Among the many stated reasons is that in cities with lots of tolls (Boston, Chicago and Dallas were common offenders in the past) you pay a real penalty for not having a toll transponder device. Well, imagine Dauber's World surprise this morning when he learned that all the cars now come equipped with an EZ Pass. It's in a clever little shielded box -- you don't have to use it. If you want to use it just slide the EZ Pass out of the box and you're charged $1.50/day plus the toll charges. Dauber's World has been clamoring for a service like this for years and finally has it. Some cities expect that everyone has a toll transponder, but since there isn't a standard travelers are almost forced to get a different transponder for each city they travel to regularly or pay the price. Dauber's World doesn't know what other rental car companies or cities offer this feature, but it's certain to catch on quickly.

As happy as Dauber's World is at the release of these two, long-awaited services Dauber's World wonders what could have possibly took the respective industries so long to satisfy what is an obvious customer need? What other needs are going unfulfilled? Dauber's World will ponder this hard and bring ideas back to you, the loyal reader.

Bonus note of the day. Dauber's World likes to read the comments that readers leave on the blog. Late last week official father of Dauber's World left a message on the blog that Dauber's World thought was pretty funny, so it's being given additional airtime. You can look at his message here

Product of the Year Candidate that You Can Actually Use

2008-05-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World is sometimes criticized (unfairly) that the Dauber's World Product of the Year Awards often go to products that no one would ever actually use like the wine rack (though Dauber's World would still love to see more women using the 2007 Product of the Year award winner). Dauber's World is, if nothing else, a man of the people so in the spirit of providing you (the presumably loyal reader) with something useful Dauber's World presents the Travel John.

Before even describing the product (which is probably somewhat obvious anyways) Dauber's World wants to give kudos to the graphic designer who came up with the genius logo for Travel John (pictured). Not only are the traditional bathroom logos squeezing their legs together (presumably because they need to pee) you can see sweat coming from their heads! Ahh yes -- everyone has been there at some point in their life. Dauber's World feels your pain.

Travel John actually has a few products, but look at the description of the bread-and-butter disposable urinal product:

Each Bag is made of strong plastic, that is puncture resistant and contains our Revolutionary LIQSORB® polymer pouch that solidifies liquids instantly into a Leak-proof, odorless, spill-proof gel that is non-toxic and safe for disposal in any waste bin.

Other features include a "unisex adapter" (does Dauber's World even need to make a sarcastic remark here? This is the best ever use of that phrase) as well as a volume indicator and spill guard.

Right now you're probably thinking that it couldn't possibly get any better, but it does. They actually have (Dauber's World is not making this up) a video demonstrating how it works (note you have to hit the pause button, then play to see the video on the site)! Whoever designed this product actually thought quite a bit about the problem and did a commendable job devising an almost perfect solution. The real downside of the product is that there's no way to discretely use it. Just think of how much more useful this would be if it could be used without anyone knowing that you were using it. Imagine being stuck in a meeting and needing to go to the bathroom, but you can't leave (for whatever reason). The way the disposable urinal is currently designed doesn't afford you the ability to use it in that situation. Solving this problem would certainly catapult Travel John into the class of other life-changing inventions such as the steam engine, the light bulb, the airplane, penicillin, the transistor and internet porn.

And Down The Stretch They Come!

2008-05-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World spent part of Saturday watching the Kentucky Derby. Of course the Derby only lasts about 2 minutes, so Dauber's World watched the anticipation of friends who had numerous bets placed on the race followed by their dismay when they lost. Seinfeld has a good routine that he did a while back on horse racing that perfectly captures Dauber's World's opinion of the "sport".

For those of you that don't know the horse that "placed" (came in second) yesterday had to be euthenized after suffering compound fractures in both of her front ankles minutes after the race concluded. Dauber's World has long disliked NASCAR. Among the many reasons cited (not including the boredom of watching cars drive around in circles) is the simple fact that there's a very real chance that the drivers can get killed (see Dale Earnhardt Sr at the Daytona 500 in '02). But at least in NASCAR the drivers are both aware of the risks they take and they're compensated for them. Dauber's World is reasonably sure that none of the horses (to Seinfeld's point) have any idea that breaking a bone in their leg results in them being killed. Dauber's World isn't going to make an argument about whether horse racing is humane, but rather the horses are not given a reward commensurate with the risk that they take. The rewards all go to owners, jockey and trainer. They're all important, but far less so than the horse.

One of the parts of horse racing that Dauber's World does like is the names. People come up with some pretty clever names for these horses. The winner of the Derby (pictured), however, is clearly an exception. Big Brown? Aside from being incredibly uncreative it's reminiscent of either a UPS ad or a giant piece of sh*t. Considering the risk that Big Brown is taking, couldn't his owners at least come up with a cool name?

One interesting note from the Derby that Dauber's World noticed: the commercials. After the race was over Dauber's World noticed an unusually high number of financial planning/retirement ads. It's almost as if they were telling you that since you didn't hit any of your bets maybe it's time to think of another way to pay for your retirement.

Brick Walls

2008-05-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things."
-- Prof Randy Paunch

I normally don't do blog posts like this. Many of you have noted (or complained) of my typical 3rd person writing style in Dauber's World. I wanted to share something with all of you that really touched me -- Randy Paunch's last lecture that has been making it's way all over the internet. Many Universities today have "last lecture" series where professors give a hypothetical last lecture that they would give if it was the last lecture they had to give. Unfortunately in Randy's case this wasn't a hypothetical talk. He was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer last August and he gave his lecture in September. He was given 3-6 months to live, but he's managed to fight off the cancer for a little while longer. Since giving the lecture he moved his family back to Virginia so his wife could be near her family to help her raise their three children after he dies.

The lecture is long (75 minutes), but well worth it. If you're really in a rush at least watch the last ~10 minutes. Here's a link to the whole speech.

I don't want to say too much about the lecture itself -- I can't aptly describe it. I'll just say that he focuses on three topics: his childhood dreams, how you can help others achieve their dreams and the lessons he's learned in the course of his life.

This Bud's for You

2008-03-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Dauber's World often thinks of itself as somewhat of a beer aficionado and never really has been a big fan of any of the major-label US beers. If only Anheuser Busch spent a fraction of their marketing budget on developing good beer imagine what they'd be able to do? Well, just when you thought it wasn't possible to make Budweiser any more disgusting, they upped the ante and introduced Chelada. Chelada (which sounds like a sexually transmitted disease). Is a pre-mixed can of beer and Clamato. Clamato is (of course) tomato juice and clam juice. That's right. Chelada is a mixture of tomato juice, clam juice and beer. What were they thinking? That has to be the most disgusting mixed-drink Dauber's World has ever thought of. Who @ AB is responsible for allowing this product to hit the market?

On the bright side, the existence of Chelada gives hope to millions of entrepreneurs. Anytime someone tells them that their ideas will never see the light of day they can look up and say, "Hey, if Anheuser Busch can sell Chelada then my idea has a chance." So, for all of you out there with a bad idea (but you're pursuing it anyways), this Chelada is for you!

Life Takes Visa?

2008-02-23T19:58:00.001-08:00

Continuing the theme from earlier today, Dauber's World continues to
be confused by the wearing of tshirts by service personnel with credit
card companies on them when the establishment they work in doesn't
accept credit cards!

Dauber's World is blogging from a Samba Bar in Rio right now (in a
part of town called Lapa). Everyone that works here has a shirt with a
Visa logo embroidered on the sleave. Of course upon entering the bar
Dauber's World was told that this is a cash only establishment.

For the first time in a very long time Dauber's World is at a loss for words.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

For Everything Else There's Mastercard?

2008-02-23T07:02:00.001-08:00

Dauber's World has discovered another interesting phenomena while
traveling in Rio: a number of service workers here wear MasterCard
shirts. That does not mean, however that their business accepts
MasterCard or any credit card for that matter.

For instance Dauber's World and official former roommate Eric took a
cab from a tourist attraction back to the hotel. Despite the fact that
the driver wore a MasterCard tshirt he only accepted cash.

In fact Eric noticed that virtually every wait staff here wears the
same colared shirt with the MasterCard logo (with the words
"MasterCard" written on the short sleve). However that isn't an
indication that the restaurant will accept MasterCard.

This is a truly bizarre occurence in the opinion of Dauber's World.
Either MasterCard has an odd sponsorship program or there was a huge
sale on these white MasterCard shirts that half of the service
industry in Rio purchased.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Half a World Away (Part 2)

2008-02-23T06:56:00.001-08:00

Dauber's World continues his expose on Rio de Janeiro. After being
here a week a few more observations are worth noting:

-This city has more taxis per capita than any in the world. You never
have to wait for a taxi. There's always one available. Anytime of day.
Dauber's World wonders how there's enough business to sustain all of
these taxi drivers.
-If you're a woman you basically have to wear a bikini. Really doesn't
matter if you want to wear them. It would appear that you can't even
purchase a non-bikini based bath suit for a woman.
-Speaking of bathing suits, many men here never got the memo that
speedos are only needed for racing -- NOT for hang at the beach.
Dauber's World expects older generations to not know this, but far too
mant men Dauber's World's age are offenders too.
-On the topic of bathing suits it's worth noting that the beaches here
are sort of segregated informally. They're numbered and different
types of people hang out at different numbers. For instance it is
apparently well-know that the attractive, young single women hang out
by #9. If only the rest of life followed this simple principle.

Overall Dauber's World is a big fan of Rio. The only complaint (which
will surprise none of you who know Dauber's World) is the food. The
food is nothing special. Dauber's World has eaten the traditional
Brazillian dish of rice, black beans and meat a number of times and
that's pretty good. But there's a limit to how many beans you can eat
before the smell even bothers you. There's a strong Italian food
influence here and that's pretty good. It seems silly to fly all the
way here and eat Italian food, but that's what many of the restaurants
are.

Then of course there's McDonalds. Dauber's World conducted his test
and has now had a McDonalds hamburger on five continents! Only
Australia remains (unless Antartica becomes a prime location as well).
Again what's remarkable about McDonalds is that their hamburgers are
the same everywhere. This isn't to say they're good. Just about every
fast foot chain has a better burger than McDonalds, but the quality
control is impressive.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Half A World Away

2008-02-19T21:02:00.001-08:00

Dauber's World is in Rio de Janeiro with former official roommate "Eric" exploring what this great city has to offer (post-Carnival). Having been here almost two full days Dauber's World would like to jump to some conclusions (oh, ok, give some early impressions) of this city.

-Unclear if the Coriolis effect is true – the toilets here all flush to quickly to accurately determine whether the water truly is going clockwise (the water is sucked out of the bowl, it doesn't really swirl).
-The rest room situation has been quite pleasant so far – almost every toilet is equipped with toilet seat covers.
-It is yet-to-be determined if McDonald's is able to serve the same hamburger in Rio that it serves in China, Africa, Europe and the US (but Dauber's World is committed to finding out).
-Diner isn't consumed after 9pm here. Easy to get in to restaurants before that.
-Hotels here are in the "Europe class". Despite the fact that Brazil is home to many a tall individual the showers/beds do not accommodate anyone over 6 feet tall in any remotely comfortable fashion.
-TV stations in the hotels have plenty of American movies with Portuguese subtitles, which partially makes up for the small beds.
-Air conditions is in every taxi and every restaurant which is important considering the humidity/temperature.
-Everyone here is really good at soccer. Dauber's World saw four guys playing volleyball, but without their hands! Dauber's World feared that even if he and Eric had full use of their hands they would still lose.

Easily the most bizarre and annoying thing about Rio is the head that every bartender/waiter insists on putting in beer. At first Dauber's World thought that perhaps this was merely an accident based on too small a sample size. However after sitting at a microbrew for 30 minutes Dauber's World realized that this was in fact being done on purpose! Why someone would want lots of head in the beer is inexplicable. Luckily, despite virtually no language skills to speak of Dauber's World was able to order a beer head-free.

Overall Rio is a very pretty city with abrupt rock formations throughout resulting in some gorgeous views of the city. The locals have been extremely friendly despite the language gap (which certainly isn't their fault) and at no point have Dauber's World or "Eric" felt that they were in any danger whatsoever. Dauber's World will continue to give updates as the week progresses. Stay tuned…

Dauber's World is Lazy

2008-02-15T08:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, this shouldn't really count as a post, but Dauber's World thought it was pretty funny. Who ever thought this up as an idea for an article?

The Cut-and-Paste Personality
Lacking inspiration and a moral compass, some online daters
are borrowing other people's witty Web profiles.
By JENNIFER SARANOW
February 15, 2008; Page W1

These identity thieves don't want your money. They want your quirky sense of humor and your cool taste in music.

Among the 125 million people in the U.S. who visit online dating and social-networking sites are a growing number of dullards who steal personal profiles, life philosophies, even signature poems. "Dude u like copied my whole myspace," posts one aggrieved victim.

Copycats use the real-life wit of others to create cut-and-paste personas, hoping to land dates or just look clever.
[cheater]
Hugh Gallagher wrote a high school essay two decades ago that's been resurrected online by daters seeking clever Web profiles.

Hugh Gallagher, a 36-year-old writer in New York, is one of the copied. Match.com has more than 50 profiles with parts of Mr. Gallagher's college entrance essay, which he penned nearly two decades ago and later appeared in Harper's Magazine. "I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees" and "I write award-winning operas" are among Mr. Gallagher's most popular lines.

They worked well enough for Jim Carey, a 38-year-old pharmaceutical salesman in Bothell, Wash. He says he wanted women to know he was funny but was too lazy to think up anything. So he copied Mr. Gallagher's essay for his online profile. A year ago, he arranged to meet a woman for drinks. She asked about his operas. He confessed. "I felt like a balloon deflating," he says.

Original souls who discover they have been replicated say it's unethical and creepy. "I came across a guy who completely STOLE my profile message," posts one woman in Michigan. "I mean he had to have copied and pasted the whole thing and then just changed gender specific things to fit his own!!"

Online daters feel pressure to stand out and believe they must sell themselves like a product, say researchers at Georgetown, Rutgers and Michigan State universities who are conducting a joint study of them. "You are not making money off of somebody else's work; you're just trying to market yourself," says self-confessed copier Jeff Picazio, a 40-year-old computer-systems manager in Boynton Beach, Fla. After hunting for some copy-and-paste help -- including borrowing the line "you will soon learn that I'm a raging egomaniac" -- Mr. Picazio says he's gotten 20 dates.
Hugh Gallagher's college admission essay has become one of the most-copied documents in the online dating scene. WSJ's Jennifer Saranow speaks to Mr. Gallagher about the use of his essay.

A search on MySpace.com brought up more than 700 recent comments that accuse others of stealing headlines, user names, songs, background designs and entire profiles. In a recent survey of more than 400 online daters commissioned by Engage.com, 9% of respondents said they copied from another person's profile; 15% suspect their own words were stolen.

A Match.com profile of a man in Redmond, Wash., includes this postscript: "Shame on the woman who plagiarized my narrative and stole it for her profile!" And a 34-year-old woman in Basking Ridge, N.J., tacked this P.S. to her Plentyoffish.com profile: "To the girl who copied my profile -- and denies it...you s-!"

The quest for originality has spawned the services of online-dating coaches and profile writers. Some of them are victims, too. Dave Mizrachi, 34, of Miami sells an "Insider Internet Dating" course for $97. Mr. Mizrachi includes his own dating profile, advising men to use it as a guide. But at least 25 people on Match.com have stolen his lines, including: "I get a lot of women emailing me, (which is great for an ego boost)." One man uses Mr. Mizrachi's photo.

A recent search on Match.com brought up more than 90 profiles with such lines as: "I want an opposite. A yin to my yang," or "You know that woman who is the first person on the dance floor at every party? That's me." They weren't even from real people. They were cribbed from sample profiles posted online at E-Cyrano.com by dating coach and profile writer Evan Marc Katz. "It just seems so short-sighted," says Mr. Katz, of Los Angeles. "Everybody steals the same lines so they are not original anymore."

The Internet makes plagiarism anonymous and easy. Nearly half of high-school students and nearly 40% of college undergrads confess they copy online sources, according to surveys conducted by Donald McCabe, a founder of the Center for Academic Integrity at Clemson University in South Carolina. Stealing for appearance's sake is a new twist. "People are still trying to develop a sense of how to present themselves online," says Joseph Walther, a communication professor at Michigan State University.

The book "Online Dating for Dummies" tells readers not to fret about copying. TheProfileCoach.com, meanwhile, offers 12 "proven" profiles for $4. Sample: "There is a shallowness, a fakeness to much of the 'singles scene.'" A number of blogs offer free headlines for social-networking profiles, including, "Ernie's train of thought has derailed." For $50, weeklyscore.com offers 20 personal essays and 100 headlines, all updated weekly.
[Cheaters]

Thierry Khalfa says he had a good excuse to copy: His English isn't so good. The 44-year-old Frenchman first cobbled a ho-hum profile that said he liked to cook and enjoyed walks on the beach. Then he stumbled across the profile of Mike Matteo, 47, a screenwriter in Tampa, Fla. Mr. Matteo's profile had such nuggets as, "I have a sweet tooth, love my strawberry twizzlers and cheesecake jelly beans."

Without thinking twice, Mr. Khalfa says, he copied Mr. Matteo's prose because it also fit him to a tee. "That guy should be proud," says Mr. Khalfa, of Largo, Fla., who runs an auto-glass business. "In France, in the fashion business, when you see something that looks good, you take it and you copy it."

Mr. Khalfa caught the eye of preschool teacher Marjorie Coon, 48. They exchanged emails, and Ms. Coon wanted to meet Mr. Khalfa in person. Then she discovered he had copied the profile of Mr. Matteo, by coincidence her friend. She let Mr. Khalfa know she knew and dumped him. "I felt he was less than honest, a manipulator and downright stupid," says Ms. Coon, of Largo, Fla. Mr. Matteo wasn't too happy, either. "I'm not Cyrano de Bergerac," he says, referring to the 19th-century play about a man penning love letters for a rival.

Some copiers are harder to figure out. Cambria Lovelady, a 31-year-old editor in Austin, Texas, went on two dull dates with a man and afterward reread his online profile. He had copied her entire "About Me" paragraph including, "I'm afraid of heights and large birds." And Dale Sherstobitoff, 42, of British Columbia copied this from someone else on Plentyoffish.com: "I am the type of person that likes to think of my glass as half full."

Tracing authorship can be complicated. Chele Frizell, a 34-year-old nurse in Dayton, Ohio, swiped a MySpace.com headline from a friend: "Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand." She confessed her theft in a missive to the MySpace page of Holly Payne, 34, of Hollywood: "I totally copied your headline, but in Spanish. Does that still count?" Not really. Ms. Payne stole it from the late Kurt Vonnegut.

Chris Garansi, an electrician in Rock Hill, S.C., says he has received about 10 emails asking permission to copy his dating profile, which is headlined, "Wanted outlaw princess." Said princess is someone who "while climbing a tree can be all woman, while letting you know she can climb higher than you would ever dare." Among Mr. Garansi's requirements: "Chunky is fine but lumpy is how I like my mashed potatoes, and rolls are only good when served with dinner." He says he refuses people who ask to copy his work. "Either they lack imagination, or they just don't know who they are," says Mr. Garansi, 43.
[Cheater]

Online administrators say complaints of copied profiles are rare. If a profile is sufficiently creative, its author could theoretically sue a copier under copyright law. But lawyers say it would be expensive. "As a practical matter, what you would probably try to do is try to get the site to take the copier's profile down," says Jeffrey Neuburger, of law firm Thelen Reid Brown Raysman & Steiner LLP. Some sites say they do that.

Last year, JDate.com released online dating tips, including the importance of a strong "About Me" paragraph. "So make it count. How? Look at what everyone else is saying and then SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT," advises the site.

Yahoo Personals provides two examples with the plea, "Don't copy these profiles exactly." But a quick search shows plenty have. A favorite among women: "If you love mushroom ravioli, romantic nights by a fire, and spring camping trips, please reply!" And for men: "I guarantee I can change the oil in your car in 10 minutes flat."

Laurie Crane says three men copied her profile, apparently thinking it would spark her interest. One wrote, "We have a lot in common." The 43-year-old art director in Chicago didn't date any of them. "Who knows what these guys are thinking," she says.

Finding her profile stolen angered Lavonna Short, of Sitka, Alaska. It also gave her pause. The 47-year-old mental-health professional says the thief used every qualification she'd written about her perfect mate: financially secure, able to take care of himself, not looking for a mother. It read like a shopping list, she says: "When I saw myself through someone else's eyes, I didn't like it." She rewrote her profile -- more mystery, less rigidity -- and found her mate.

A Date That Will Live in Infamy

2008-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

Most people over the age of 18 in the United States hate April 15th -- tax day. April 15th is the day where many of us realize that we owe EVEN MORE money to the Federal Government and probably more to the government of whatever state you live in. Dauber's World has always thought that voter turnout in elections would be much higher if elections were held on April 16th rather than the first Tuesday in November. Something about paying taxes makes fiscal policy that much more relevant for some reason.

So why is Dauber's World blogging about Taxes on February 3rd? Because today is the 95th anniversary of the ratification of the 16th Amendment to the Constitution:

"The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration."

Dauber's World liked the Constitution better before this Amendment. For the record it's worth noting that Dauber's World home state of Virginia never ratified the 16th Amendment. Another reason to be proud of Virginia's heritage (except for that whole Slavery issue, but Virginia prefers to gloss over that). Interestingly enough the 15th Amendment (Blacks getting the right to vote) was also ratified on February 3rd (43 years earlier). And in case you were wondering Virginia did ratify that one.

Church on Sunday?

2008-02-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

If you are a New York Giants fan then no doubt you are quite happy after watching your team beat one of the most heavily favored teams in Super Bowl history. Of course you are now in the same boat that the rest of the NFL fans have been in for some time -- what to do on Sundays? From the second weekend in September until the first weekend in February Pro Football gives avid football fans such as Dauber's World a sanctuary every Sunday morning (afternoon if you're an East Coaster). Super Bowl Sunday has always been a bitter sweet day for Dauber's World. It's the crown jewel in the football season. It has all the best TV ads and usually has some decent football teams playing as well. Unfortunately it's also the last football game for almost seven months. Sure there's the NFL Draft as well as unrestricted free agency. There's also the pre-season, but pretty much this is it for a while. No longer can you rely on football to keep your Sundays busy. You may be forced to do something outdoors, or potentially even more horrifying you may have to interact with other human beings (and if you do interact with them you can't talk about football -- nothing has happened!). Good thing Dauber's World lives in sunny, beautiful California where there are things to do outdoors. Are you listening weather? Dauber's World said, "Sunny AND beautiful." This rain thing is getting really old. If people wanted that they wouldn't live here!

Side note on the Super Bowl. Dauber's World doesn't like to be too main stream, but there are a few comments that must be made with respect to the ads this season. Specifically the ads for Sales Genie. Dauber's World saw two ads from these guys that were unbelievable (you can see every ad from the Super Bowl here). They're both cartoons in which a person starts out as a poor sales person prior to using Sales Genie and getting much better. What was remarkable was the depiction of the sales people. The first is an Indian (with a stereotypical accent) and the other was someone who was Chinese (again with the stereotypical accent). Dauber's World is not one who is often offended, but the generic accents seemed borderline offensive here. They added nothing to the ads and seemed to mock the individuals as much as anything else. What's more they were totally unnecessary and just detracted from Sales Genie's overall message (that inexplicably they can help your sales regardless of industry). The only time Dauber's World can remember accents being more unnecessarily offensive was the Star Wars prequels with the trade union aliens who spoke with an Asian (either Chinese or Japanese) accent for absolutely no reason.

Dauber's World is Hungry

2008-01-30T17:51:00.000-08:00

Dauber's World has a bit of a problem. Dauber's World likes good food, but Dauber's World isn't much of a cook. Typically Dauber's World outsources this task to professionals (often found at restaurants), but what does one do when there's a good dessert recipe, but lacks the skills required to make it? Dauber's World found a great recipe for Pumpkin-Ginger Cake with Cinnamon-Bourbon Caramel Glaze, but alas has nothing to enjoy but this photo. Combining cinnamon and caramel is always a fantastic combination (made even better by the addition of bourbon), but it takes a certain skill to do it. So Dauber's World will go hungry tonight with no dessert; left only to dream of caramel and cinnamon. Even more troubling to Dauber's World is that he's left to worry about what to do if he finds himself face-to-face with a big bad wolf (who isn't nice)?

In Memorandum -- Dr. Ben Schutz

2008-01-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

I learned some very sad news this morning. The father of an old friend of mine going all the way back to Jr High School -- Dr. Ben Schutz passed away last week of a heart attack. Mr. Schutz, as I knew him, was always one of the cool dads. He always played sports with us (though he would only play QB in pick-up football games). I remember watching the '98 World Cup with him and having him scream at (then US coach) Steve Sampson on TV. He put quite simply why as to why Sampson was a bad coach, "Sampson plays all the wrong players at all the wrong positions." I suppose that makes it tough to be successful.

Mr. Schutz made fun of us in a good natured way. He made fantastic jokes. He also cared about all of us. I didn't know him in his professional life, but he seemed to genuinely care about the well-being of his patients as well.

He was a very good man, and he leaves this world far too soon. My thoughts are with his family, and especially my friend Jesse.

Perfect Day?

2008-01-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

One of the things that Dauber's World loves about living in Northern California is how many unique outdoor activities are within a few hours drive. From wine country and the Redwood Forests in the North, to Tahoe and Yosemite in the East and Monterey in the South there's no excuse for having nothing to do.

In addition to the physical beauty of the region itself the wildlife is pretty astounding too. One of Dauber's Worlds favorites is Ano Nuevo state park which doubles as a breeding ground for elephant seals. Dauber's World first visited Ano Nuevo as a little kid and has loved it ever since. For those of you that want to check it out be advised that this time of year you need to make reservations.

Monterey is Dauber's World's favorite spot to visit. It is home to the Point Lobos State Reserve. A piece of land that juts out into the Pacific and is strikingly beautiful. Parts of the park look as if they're from another planet (or perhaps a Tim Burton film). Monterey also is home to Pacific Grove. Many know Pacific Grove for having one of the prettiest municipal golf courses in the country (the back nine at least). However, something else makes Pacific Grove much more special. If you park your car on the edge of town and walk to a nondescript park and find the large tree in the middle of the forest you'll be surrounded by thousands of Monarch butterflies. How something like a butterfly knows to go back to the same spot every year is truly remarkable. Sitting in the forest with people that are special to you while eating an English muffin smothered in marmalade may not be a perfect day, but to Dauber's World is sounds pretty close to it.

Convenience -- Brought to you by American Express

2008-01-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

Credit cards are a truly wonderful concept. Forget the whole concept of credit. Just being able to use a piece of plastic rather than deal with change all the time really makes life easier. Not only that, you can get cash back from your credit cards. With the advent of the internet credit cards are even nicer -- you can track all of your purchases and if you're a Quicken-aholic (and Dauber's World is not, but certainly respects those of you who are) you can figure out what percent of your paycheck you spent on Starbucks.

As near as Dauber's World can tell there's only one downside to credit cards: they expire and you have to get a new one. Thankfully American Express has solved this problem. Regardless of whether you cancel your card they still keep it open! Just think, years after you cancel your card you can still make as many purchases as you like. Dauber's World found this out today when American Express called to say that a card canceled over four years ago is happily in use purchasing various items on the internet. The courtesy call from an Indian call center voiced concern that these charges were potentially fraudulent. Clearly American Express has a highly sophisticated algorithm developed by numerous PhDs running on thousands of computers to determine that something could be wrong when a card that was canceled four years ago is having charges billed to it. It's this kind of innovation and creativity that you get when you decide to use an American Express card.

To further add to the pleasure of Dauber's World American Express requested that Dauber's World submit a detailed explanation of why none of these charges are valid. Apparently "card canceled four years ago" is insufficient reason to dispute a charge.

Early Favorite for 2008 Product of the Year

2008-01-12T14:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, Dauber's World knows it's early, but there's an early favorite for the (much coveted) 2008 Product of the Year award: the iCarta iPod Stereo Dock and Bath Tissue Holder. This is something that Dauber's World couldn't make up if it tried. How often have you (the loyal reader) been sitting on the toilet wishing that you could listen to your iPod in stereo without being encumbered by annoying ear buds? And while the geniuses at iCarta were doing this they made sure to simultaneously solve another problem: where to hold the toilet paper! At $79.99 the iCarta is a bargain too. the iCarta reminds Dauber's World of the German expression "eierlegende wollmilchsau" which translates to "egg-laying wool-milk-sow". How long until some geneticist comes up with one of those?

Dauber's World Barely Needs To Comment

2008-01-07T19:54:00.000-08:00

In a recent article in Radar Magazine they examine 11 adds targeted at the homosexual community. The pics to the right represent Dauber's World's three favorite. No further comments necessary.

The World Changed 60 Years Ago Yesterday...

2007-12-24T15:20:00.001-08:00

On December 23rd, 1947 in a room inside Bell Labs William Shockley, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain demonstrated the first transistor to some of their colleagues (they'd win the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1956). Normally Dauber's World is all for joking and complaining, but on this, the 60th anniversary of the invention of the transistor, Dauber's World would like to pause and think about this remarkable device. Few inventions have so completely revolutionized life in the way the transistor has, while being almost completely anonymous. Penicillin, the light bulb (electricity), the telephone, the airplane, radio/TV, steam engines and some might argue even the printing press were all revolutionary inventions that changed people's lives. However they all did in in a way that is very familiar to us all. Most life-changing inventions are things that we can see, touch and interact with on a daily basis. We all pick up telephones, or ingest Penicillin. The transistor isn't like that. It's a building block in much the same way an atom/molecule is the building block for a chemist a transistor is the building block for the information age. The internet, cell phones, HD TV, and anything with a computer is made possible because of transistors. We use transistors so often in the course of our daily lives that most people have no concept of how ingrained they are. We'd be virtually helpless without them. Almost all technology in existence today is touched by a transistor.

If you're a little geeky (and Dauber's World certainly is, being a EE @ heart) look at this web page on Intel's 45-nm process (nm being 10^-9 m). The Quad Core processors that started shipping in January have over 800 million transistors in them and some chips from other companies have over a billion!

Dauber's World wonders if another invention ever led to as much direct change on the World and fostered so much follow-up innovation as the transistor. Jack Kilby's (of TI) and Robert Noyce's (of Intel) of the integrated circuit (essentially a planar form of the transistor) in 1958 was the key break through that took the transistor to the next level, but it all started 60 years ago yesterday (on Festivus, as if there was any question as to the miraculous nature of the day) in a room in Bell Labs.

Happy Festivus!

2007-12-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year and Dauber's World wants to wish you and your loved ones a happy Festivus (official site here). Festivus, if you're not a Seinfeld fan, is a holiday invented by the Seinfeld team. It was the central theme of the episode called "The Strike" which aired a little over 10 years ago (12/18/97).

The best aspects of Festivus (in the humble opinion of Dauber's World) are the airing of grievances and the aluminum pole. In many holiday gathering that Dauber's World has witnessed there's almost always an airing of grievances anyways. Why not just make it official and part of the holiday fun? In the episode Frank Costanza announces that he's going to tell everyone how they've disappointed him over the past year. What better way to close out the year than by telling people how they've let you down? It's a form of therapy really. The aluminum pole is also a stroke of genius. So much of the holiday season seems to be commercial. Nothing is less commercial than an aluminum pole. It also has Frank points out) a high strength-to-weight ratio.

The funny thing about Festivus is how quickly it's caught on. Not only are there online Festivus cards that you can send to people, the two sages from Vermont even made a Festivus-themed ice cream (here's a petition to bring it back).

Well, Dauber's World wants to take this time to thank you (the loyal reader) for reading this blog and encouraging Dauber's World to write more. Hopefully you've been amused reading this in 2007 and you'll continue to read this blog going forward. Have a safe and healthy holidays to you and your loved ones. Happy Festivus!

The Zipper Rule

2007-12-18T19:40:00.000-08:00

Sitting in traffic is, for many people, one of the more aggravating parts of their day-to-day lives. It will probably not come as a surprise to you (the loyal reader) that Dauber's World is no exception. Patience is a virtue that must have been handed out in school on a day that Dauber's World was sick. Some traffic just can't be avoided -- crossing the Bay Bridge to go into San Francisco for instance. It doesn't make sitting in traffic enjoyable, but at least it is understandable. There's really nothing you can do about it -- the traffic has to back up someplace. If it didn't back up at the toll plaza it would back up as the traffic got into the city.

What is particularly aggravating are traffic jams that would seem to be completely avoidable. Rubber necking is obviously near the top of the list. Dauber's World is sure that many others have blogged on this already, so it's not worth further mention here (as this blog attempts to be somewhat original).

Equally as frustrating (but discussed far less) are traffic jams caused by merges where drivers don't follow the "Zipper Rule". Dauber's World is reasonably certain that everyone driving an automobile today is familiar with the zipper (unless they're Amish, and the Amish don't drive cars). In addition to being a useful feature on many items that people purchase on a daily basis zippers are reminders of how to easily merge two "streams" into one. As the name would imply, the Zipper Rule simply stipulates that when two streams of cars merge they alternate who gets let into the resulting traffic stream. Dauber's World is perpetually stunned by people who try to buck this trend and attempt to squeeze in one spot ahead of their turn -- like they're going to get where they're going SOOOO much faster than everyone else (perhaps they should also try honking while doing this -- that's sure to reduce their overall travel time). Obviously a single person refusing to follow the Zipper Rule has a largely negligible effect on the overall traffic flow. However if a certain percentage of the car-driving population chooses to ignore the rule (or even considers not abiding by it at that critical moment where the Zipper Rule says it's the other cars turn) the result can be a completely avoidable backup.

Fucking Austria!

2007-12-17T04:56:00.000-08:00

The next time you hear someone shout that remember that they may not be cursing Austria. They may be trying to tell you their favorite city in Austria -- Fucking (pronounced "fooking"). Much to the chagrin of the small town of Fucking, street sign theft is quite high. Subsequently they had to invest significant funds to anchor the sign in a block of concrete to make it difficult to steal. Here's a wikipedia link to info about the city.

Alas the US has no equally amusing named city. However, if someone ever tell you to go to hell, it's good to know that that's it's not to far from Detroit.

Whole Lotta Love?

2007-12-16T21:26:00.000-08:00

The Official Rock Band of Dauber's World is, without a doubt Led Zeppelin. Zep is as close to rock perfection as this planet is ever going to hear. Last week's reunion concert (see reviews) was one of those rare moments where they lived up to the hype. Despite Robert Plant pushing 60 and Jimmy Page showing off his white hair Zep brought the house down (see a clip here of Dauber's World's favorite song: Black Dog). What was even more special about this reunion concert was that there was only one of them. This was their first concert since 1980 -- the band disbanded after famed drummer (and the inspiration for the Muppets character Animal) -- John Bonham died after swallowing his own vomit. Bonham's son Jason was the drummer for the band's reunion concert last week (fittingly older than his father was when he died).

Dauber's World could go on an on about Zep and pray that they'd go on tour so Dauber's World could actually see them perform live, but that can wait for another day.

Last night while waiting to fly back to the official home of Dauber's World CNN started to discuss the reviews of a major British rock band's reunion concert. They promised interviews with fans and the like. Imagine the surprise when Dauber's World learned that the British Band in question was none other than the Spice Girls. The SPICE GIRLS! Dauber's World didn't realize that that the Spice Girls broke up. It was largely assumed that people stopped listening to their music because they're devoid of any form of musical talent. Yet CNN was interviewing person after person who was excited about the fact that the Spice Girls were having not one, not two, but 17 concerts in London alone. 17! Is this World related in any way to Dauber's World? There was so much demand for the first show that the Spice Girls sold it out in 39 seconds. This is the same group that wrote the "hit" song "Wannabe" . How could there possibly be so much demand? If those fans had any sense to them they'd be clamoring for one more chance to see Page, Plant and Jones perform on stage. Where's the love?

Dauber's World Offers Up More Holiday Gift Ideas

2007-12-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

Since it's that time of year Dauber's World is trying you help you, the loyal reader get that special something for that special someone. And how better to show that you care about a special man in your life than to give him something to protect what is (almost certainly) most special to him? The Nutty Buddy is a new athletic cup that claims to do a better job of protecting the wearer's you-know-whats. Dauber's World can say from personal experience with a lacrosse ball that a direct hit to the traditional cup is not a pleasant experience. The issue has to do with distributing the force of the hit (not to be too graphic).

More amusing though than this product itself are the videos on You Tube demonstrating that it works. Here's a video of inventor/owner of the nutty buddy Mark Littell demonstrating it by taking a pitching machine and firing it at himself. At least he's willing to show that he's a believer in his invention.

This isn't nearly as funny, however, as the video of Jason who decides to do his own "Nutty Buddy Challenge". Jason isn't quite as smart as Mark and doesn't do a very good job lining up the pitching machine. As a result he takes a number of shots to his stomach and inner thigh. What's funniest about the video is that it sounds like the person who keeps feeding the machine/taking the video is his girlfriend who laughs hysterically every time he takes a shot. Schadenfreude anyone? Dauber's World wonders if it wouldn't be such a bad idea for the Nutty Buddy to fail for Jason. It's unclear whether he should be "selected" to pass on his genes to future generations.

Colonials #1

2007-12-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

With all of Dauber's World's sports teams failing to deliver in 2007 imagine the surprise when Dauber's World learned that the official high school of Dauber's World -- Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology (TJ for short) was named the top high school in America by US News and World Report. In fact here's an article about TJ .

In all honesty ranking high schools in order really does seem pretty silly. Does it really matter who is #1 and who is #37? Is it possible that some utility can be gained from looking at what makes a good school. It does seem a little absurd though to be so specific in ranking something that subjectively, and for what exactly? In ranking universities ostensibly you're helping prospective students, but high schools are a bit less mobile. Unless you live in Fairfax, Loudon, Prince William or Arlington counties (and Fairfax is the main feeder county by far) you can't go to TJ. Most all of the schools (if not every one on that list) are schools where you need live nearby to go to them. So what really is the point of explicitly ranking the schools other than an attempt to sell magazines?

Interestingly US News isn't the only publication looking into America's High Schools these days. The Wall Street Journal looked into how high schools fared in getting their students into the Ivy's. TJ makes this list too, but a bit farther down the list. Dauber's World has issues with the methodology that the Journal used. Lots of Ivys have legacies that make it MUCH easier for students to get in (if you have a parent that went to the school and gave money you're in -- look no further than our current president for proof. Incidentally does anyone realize how hard it is to have a C average at Yale?). Dauber's World is guessing that many of the Northeastern private schools have a number of legacies. Also looking at a single year isn't really a good measure for a high school's ability to get their students into the Ivys. What would have been more interesting would have been an average over the last decade or so.

In any event, not that this really helps Dauber's World in any way now, but thanks for making that diploma worth a little more.

Benefits of Global Warming

2007-11-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

Every year Dauber's World goes back to Northern Virginia (aka "home") for Thanksgiving. Having spent the past eight falls in California (and the previous four before that in Michigan) Dauber's World has missed out on one of the best things about Fall: the leaves turning colors. This year is different, however. Thanks to Global Warming it's much warmer in Northern Virginia than in past years (it was almost 70 on Thanksgiving. Dauber's World thought that perhaps he had missed his flight and was still in the Bay Area). The result of this is that the leaves changed colors much later this year than in past years. If you've never been to this part of the country when the leaves turn you really are missing out. Dauber's World's personal favorite is the bright red that some leaves turn. The picture above is from Wolf Trap Farm Park (which is also the only National Park which is a center for the performing arts). The trees don't stay this way for very long, so Dauber's World considers himself lucky that he saw it this year.

Dauber's World's Holiday Gift Advice: Get Them Something They Don't Know They Want

2007-11-23T06:36:00.000-08:00

Buying presents for people is hard work. You never really know what someone wants, and it could be argued that if they really wanted it they'd have already purchased it for themselves (this doesn't count kids and assumes they have the money of course). The other strategy is to get them something that they would want if only they knew it existed. Of course this is what makes gift-buying so difficult, but if it were easy then where would the "thought" come from?

In doing some field research, Dauber's World has found a gift idea that may appeal to someone on your list (or yourself). It's no Wine Rack of course, but potentially useful. After making it to DC in one piece on Wednesday Dauber's World went running Thursday morning with official brother of Dauber's World. Official Brother is, (much like Dauber's World) a gadget fiend and he unveiled one yesterday that is worth mentioning. A GPS wristwatch from Garmin. Before mentioning the highlights it's worth mentioning that it's pricey ($199.99 -- though Official Brother says he got it for $150 at Wal-Mart). It's also big and it takes a while to acquire the satellites if you moved a significant distance from the previous time you used it.

The single best highlight of this watch is that it tells you exactly how far you went running and what your pace is. There's also another model (more expensive of course) that also adds heartbeat monitoring. Dauber's World found in his experience as a runner that's there's always the question of how far did you just go running? Everyone has their ways of guessing, but this watch lets you be precise. It also has a feature that lets you download where you ran to your computer and mapping it on Google Earth (which would be cool if you just ran in the Grand Canyon). Of course, after running with this for a half an hour Dauber's World determined that the cure is worse than the proverbial disease. It's just too bulky and expensive for Dauber's World, but maybe it's worth it for you.

Dauber's World Report From The Front Lines

2007-11-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year to travel. Dauber's World has avoided flying home for years on this day to avoid all the headaches associated with traveling today.

2007 is different, however and Dauber's World (despite his typical better judgment) is blogging from the front lines: SFO Airport in the morning. What possessed Dauber's World to take a flight out on the Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving isn't important. What is important is that he's here to report to you, the loyal Dauber's World reader, what is going on.

And just what is going on at 7am on this, the busiest of travel days? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Dauber's World drove the official Dauber's World car (an Acura MDX for those of you who are curious) up to SFO early this morning only to learn that Long Term parking lot was full. However SFO parking officials had already remedied the situation before Dauber's World could even utter the words "let me speak to your manager". They gave Dauber's World a voucher to park in Short Term parking at the Long Term rates! Why can't that happen all the time? Finding parking then became a trivial task at that point and Dauber's World geared up for what was certain to be a gigantic security line. Much to Dauber's World surprise, however, there wasn't one. The entire line consisted of three people. THREE PEOPLE in a security line the morning before Thanksgiving! Dauber's World has never seen a line this short at SFO. Not even on a Sunday evening for a redeye. Good thing Dauber's World got here an extra half an hour early just to be on the safe side.

Now of course everything couldn't go off without a hitch on Thanksgiving Wednesday. Dauber's World's plane is delayed due to "mechanical issues". Everyone knows the really means "indefinite delay" (especially on a day like today). But as far as the airport conditions are concerned Dauber's World is still stunned at how empty the airport is.

Dauber's World wants to take this time to wish you and your friends and family a healthy and happy Thanksgiving. And remember, always have your pets spayed or neutered.

Who Knew That Shrinkage Could Be Hazardous?

2007-11-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

Among the many Seinfeld-isms that litter today's vernacular is the word "shrinkage" to describe what happens to a man when certain parts of him are exposed to cold water. Those of us who watched Seinfeld no doubt laughed heartily when George explains that it shrinks "like a frightened turtle". In all the years since that episode aired I never realized that shrinkage actually posed as a serious hazard to that part of the body. Honestly I couldn't even conceive of how that could be hazardous, but obviously I'm not as clever as Mario Visnjic. If you Google him you'll see various accounts of what he did. Below is my personal favorite. It requires no commentary. It's truly remarkable on its own.

(courtesy of pr-inside.com)
A Croatian man got his testicles stuck in a deck chair. Mario Visnjic returned to his deckchair after swimming naked at West Croatia 's Valalta beach and didn't realise his testicles - which had shrunk after the swim - had slipped through the wooden slats. As he sunbathed the testicles expanded back to their normal size and when he tried to get up to go for a walk, he realised they were stuck in the chair. Mario began panicking and was forced to call beach maintenance services on his mobile phone. When a member of staff arrived, Mario had to wait until the deck chair was cut in half before he was freed.

Best Stand-up Comedian in the Business

2007-11-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

I've seen a lot of stand-up comedians in my life. Jerry Seinfeld, John Cleese, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Norm MacDonald, Adam Sandler, Lewis Black and Jay Mohr are the best that come to mind. None of them touch seeing Robin Williams live, however. I saw him for what must be about the sixth or seventh time tonight at Bimbo's 365 and he was fantastic as usual. To see Williams at Bimbos is a real treat because it's a small venue (~300 people) and he is much less filtered than he is in his HBO special that aired a few years ago (links to selected clips below). Before I forget, if you live in the SF Bay area and you want tickets to his shows get on this mailing list. You get a days' warning before tickets go on sale, and you better be ready to snap them up in the first 60 seconds or they're all gone (and you can only get two tickets). That being said it's definitely worth it.

Tonight Williams did a few bits I've seen before (he does a great one on intelligent design that is funny every time), but he did a few new ones as well. Of course a good chunk of his material is just him making it up as he goes along which is part of the fun. This one woman in the front row kept getting up to go to the bathroom and he made fun of her every time she got up and every time she got back.

He did a bit on the first answering machine that was pretty funny. In it he pretended to be Alexander Graham Bell playing his outgoing message for a caller.

"Hello, you've reached Alexander Graham Bell. I'm not sure how you're calling me seeing as I have the only phone in existence. Please leave your name and number and when I invent a second phone I'll call you back."

The second new bit that he did relied one of his many fantastic character voices. This is possible his best of them all -- his French "I don't give a sh*t/life sucks" voice (where he's constantly pretending to smoke a cigarette. Why? Because he's French). In it he created a scene where a French clown went to a small child's birthday party. The entire bit focused on the clown telling the child how depressing life is and how the birthday merely meant that the child was a year closer to death. I can't remember all the details, but it was really funny.

The last one-liner that he had that was pretty funny was (again) using one of his voices. He was talking about Bono being at a concert recently where he was having everyone clap their hands together. Then he (Bono) says, "Every time you clap your hands a child in Africa dies." Williams then says a Scotsman in the back then shouts out (and this works best if you know what his Scottish accent sounds like), "Then stop clapping your f@cking hands!" If you don't know what his Scottish accent sounds like or you've never seen his bit on golf you should check this out.

Can a Computer Be a Racist?

2007-11-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

That's the question being asked (apparently) after an apparent glitch in some code at Google News showed a picture of rheus monkeys next to a story about Richard Parsons, the former CEO of Time Warner. Former roommate of Dauber's World, Eric (we like to keep some anonymity here), had the line of the week when he said: "...i wonder which lucky engineer gets to modify the code with: if image == monkey && news_person_race == african american then..."

The actual Newsweek article is below.

Last week marked a watershed moment for two stars of the business world. By chance, an abrupt end seemed imminent for the careers of Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons and Merrill Lynch CEO Stanley O'Neal. Both had reached pinnacles rarely scaled in corporate America by African-Americans. And their fates dominated business headlines worldwide last Friday, Oct. 26. Online at Google News, however, the coverage was, in a word, shocking.

A keyword search for "Richard Parsons" generated a flood of stories about the executive, accompanied by a photo of two rhesus monkeys. Clicking on the image linked users to a story on neither monkeys nor Parsons. Instead, a speculative account on O'Neal's waning support among Merrill directors appeared on screen. Other than the lynch mob's noose and the Klansman's hood, few images of racism are as offensive to African-American as monkeys. Yet the bizarre juxtaposition of image and stories persisted through the week. And even after Google was specifically contacted this week, it continued.

An unstoppable racist hacker? Hardly, according to a Google spokesman. It was an inside job. The perpetrator, however, wasn't human. The search giant blames its computers and algorithms. Despite its cutting-edge advancements, Google is simply incapable of a performing a skill typically mastered by first graders: matching the right words with the right images. The problem generally has plagued Google since June when it introduced the "Image Version" of Google News to pair the top headlines with illustrative photos.

It's an ongoing problem. Recently Google News mismatched stories on Argentina's newly elected president Cristina Fernández with a photo of the California wildfires. A photo of the late Australia crocodile hunter Steve Irwin accompanied a report on the stock market. And thanks to the fast-breaking developments at Merrill Lynch, O'Neal managed to evolve. After he was forced to retire Tuesday in the wake of massive subprime losses, Google News illustrated the story with a 1939 photo of Katharine Hepburn taken during the filming of "The Philadelphia Story."

Google acknowledges the situation, but declined to openly discuss details of the primate episode. Surprisingly, it was even unwilling to go on record and explicitly disavow any racist motivation. "While we don't comment on individual stories on Google News," spokesman Gabriel Stricker told NEWSWEEK, "crawling thousands of sites across the globe is a complicated task, and we're confident that the quality of the crawled pages is extremely good for the vast majority of news sources on our site." In an oblique nod to the problem, he cites the need for "more work to be done," adding, "we're always working on improvements to Google News to ensure that the experience for all of our users ... continues to be great."

If the "Parsons" search result is, as Google indicates, merely a remarkably unfortunate techno blooper, the search giant's explanation in one respect is still as potentially unsettling as the primate imagery is distressing. Short of shutting down searches, the problem will persist for now. Google News relies almost exclusively on algorithms and automation to build its pages. For now, manually correcting one mismatch may fix one issue but simultaneously create many more. When asked when the problem would be resolved, a Google spokesman answered: "As soon as possible."

Despite Google's technical explanation, there's a twist to the Parsons-primate episode that could lead online users to suspect hacker involvement. Over the weekend, the company appeared to have corrected the mismatch, at least temporarily. At times, the primates photo was substituted with a photo of a formally attired Parsons posing with an actor in a Bugs Bunny costume. (The character is owned by Time Warner, which declined to comment for this story.) Later, however, the rhesus photo reappeared, supplanting Parsons and Bugs Bunny. Google denies it was hacked and insists the incident was again, simply a result of its computer systems.

This isn't the first time automation has managed to offend. In January 2006, as USA Today reported at the time, a feature on Wal-Mart's Web site that generated recommended purchases linked a "Planet of the Apes" DVD to films about African-Americans, including Martin Luther King Jr., Tina Turner and boxer Jack Johnson. The retail giant, citing errant automation, apologized to any offended customers and shut down the recommendation system.

Given the sheer size of what Google does, the chances of getting everything right all the time would appear to be statistically nil. In September, the latest data available, Google handled 38.2 billion searches--some 63 percent of the total 61 billion searches worldwide, says Andrew Lipsman, senior analyst with Internet measuring service Comscore. Of Google's total, Google News accounted for some 103 million searches. According to Google, it "crawls" 4,500 English-language news sites, and thousands more worldwide in other languages, to seize freshly posted stories and images for storage in Google's servers that it taps to respond to keyword searches.

Google won't disclose the scope or details of its mismatching problem. But the problem clearly seems to be associated with material from at least one of the world's major originators of news--Reuters, which declined to comment on the situation. The primates and associated Parsons and O'Neal stories, for example, were both retrieved by Google from Reuters--as were the mismatched wildfire photo and Argentine election story, as well as other examples.

Reuters makes its stories and photos available separately for retrieval by search engines, Google foremost. When the search giant dispatches a crawler to snare a story from the Reuters site, it simultaneously deploys a crawler to Reuters's photo gallery. But the image crawler isn't discriminating. It simply grabs the first photo in the gallery, never mind that the particular image often has nothing remotely to do with the text-based story.

Google says it is trying hard to fix the problem. But for now, it seems a primate could do a better job.

© 2007 Newsweek, Inc.

Dauber's World Won't Curb Its Enthusiasm

2007-10-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

As many fans of this blog are aware, I'm a huge fan of the HBO TV series (and official favorite TV show of Dauber's World) "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Some have even called me a "mini Larry David" (though I don't think they really know what they're talking about).

In any event I was delighted when I read in the article below that Larry David is planning on doing a 7th season of Curb. I can't think of better news as far as TV is concerned. It's a good article too -- enjoy!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Larry David steals a glance at his wristwatch. It's about 11:50. He needs to check out of the hotel by noon. He pleasantly explains he's only got a few more minutes.
David

Larry David plays a constantly aggrieved man named Larry David in "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

And no offense meant, by the way, when he looked at his watch.

"I wasn't bored or anything," he assures his interviewer.

Eureka! "There's a typical 'TV Larry' thing," he says, unleashing a small rant: "In life, we can't look at a watch! It's anti-social to look at a watch. You can't be at a dinner party and look at a watch. It's rude! People think you want to go home.

"Maybe you just want to know what time it is! You're allowed to know what time it is, aren't you?"

He's put his finger on another of life's injustices. Didn't the first President Bush lose a re-election race just by looking at his watch during a debate?

"Exactly!" says David. "The guy lost the presidency 'cause he looked at his watch! Absolutely!"

This could be a scene straight from "Curb Your Enthusiasm," the sort of deconstruction site where TV Larry thrives.

"It's certainly something that he would be interested in," nods David -- "this taboo about looking at a watch!"

Having already made TV history (and a bundle) as a creator-producer-writer of "Seinfeld," David had little to prove when he shot "Curb" as a comedy special for HBO in 1999, then turned it into a series a year later.

Now with "Curb" in a sixth hit season (airing 10 p.m. EDT Sundays), David has built on his "Seinfeld" legacy with a made-for-TV version of himself: TV Larry is a former "Seinfeld" producer who lives in Los Angeles and confronts random wrongnesses that fuel each episode, which is plotted by David, then improvised by him with his "Curb" co-stars (including Jeff Garlin, Susie Essman and Cheryl Hines as Larry's wife, Cheryl David).

Among the striking similarities between the two Larrys: Each has marital difficulties.

In June, real-life Larry and his real-life wife, Laurie David, separated after 14 years of marriage.

On "Curb," Cheryl left Larry. She was fed up after he refused to take her phone call from an airplane flight she feared was going to crash. She had wanted to tell him goodbye. He told her to "call back in 10 minutes" because the cable repairman was at their house fixing the TiVo.

But there are also big differences. For one thing, David is busy channeling himself into a comedy series, whereas its hero, TV Larry, has far too much time on his hands. Instead, he lives a life of agitated leisure swollen with annoyances (slow toasters, underwear with no fly, anonymous philanthropy, indecisive people ahead of him in line), and he courts disaster by taking corrective action.

Is TV Larry just a self-involved provocateur?

"I think he's an idealist," says David unconvincingly.

Or maybe just bored?

"No," David insists. "He doesn't create messes out of boredom. No! In one episode he says, 'I'm not an inventor. I'm an improver. I see things that are wrong, and I improve them.' He wants the world to be run the way that he feels it should be: the RIGHT way."

David -- the 60-year-old spitting image of TV Larry, from his tennis shoes to his irredeemably bald head -- says the show is a blast.

"I had such a good time this year, I think I'd probably like to do it again," he says. "My only issue is my face. I've got to edit this show and look at my face six to eight hours a day. Most people just look at their face when they're looking in the mirror. I've got to see it all day long."

Another year would be fun, except for "this big bald head," he sighs, shaking it. "It's big and it's bald. I gotta take that into consideration, too."

The head and the face have become widely recognized since "Curb" began. While "Seinfeld" made David a familiar name, he mostly stayed behind the scenes on that show. He says he likes being a public figure now.

"It's 95-5 on the good side," he figures. "The world's become a much friendlier place. Every now and then people will bother you when you don't really want to be bothered: a small price to pay. And I'm not dealing with everybody. Most of the people who know me are fans of the show."

And those fans, David adds with amusement, all wonder the same thing: "Am I that guy?" That friendly but intrusive guy, that calculating, never-lets-it-slide guy? "I think people really WANT me to be that guy. I think they're probably disappointed when I'm not."

Not yet, anyway. The distinction, always tenuous, between the two Larrys is steadily eroding, David reports.

"I feel like TV Larry is my role model," he says, "and I'm becoming a little more like him -- just because I CAN be, because that's what people expect.

"Now it's easier for me to make what would be perceived as an anti-social comment: If I'm at someone's house for dinner and there's way too much butter in the mashed potatoes, I might say so now. Whereas before I would be tactful enough not to."

So his character has given him permission to speak his mind, not just occupy a character who does it for him.

"Absolutely," he says. "Gradually I'm encroaching on TV Larry's style."

It's a whole other benefit of doing "Curb"!

"You're not kidding," he grins, free to look at his watch. "It's fantastic!"

The Scariest Part of Halloween: Finding a Costume

2007-10-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

It's hard to not like Halloween. On any other day dressing up in a random costume and showing up at a perfect stranger's door asking for candy would at a minimum result in a call to the police. Do that on October 31st however, and you get free candy. FREE CANDY! Are there two better words in the English language? Any that I can think of aren't appropriate for this blog.

Unfortunately for me, Halloween has lost much of its appeal as I've gotten older. Alas, now all that Halloween means for me is the anxiety associated with trying to find a clever costume. Since I can almost never think of something, I just avoid the holiday altogether. And even if I was to come up with a really great costume, I still wouldn't get free candy since (apparently) someone decided that men in their late 20s aren't entitled to free candy even if they say, "trick or treat."

As near as I can tell Halloween is really for three distinct groups of people: little kids (and their parents), gay men and girls in college (up to their mid-20s). The first group is pretty obvious, and I have no problem with them. I loved Halloween as a little kid. My friends who have little kids seem to have a great time doing Halloween related activities with them, so we'll lump them together. The next group of people who really enjoy Halloween are gay men, and I have nothing against them either. Frankly I'm jealous that as a group they've decided to embrace the holiday. I've been to Castro and Market a couple of times on Halloween and from my limited experience I think gay men also have the most clever costumes (and they probably spend the most on them). Once while watching MTV they referred to Halloween as the "High Holidays" for gay men, which I thought was pretty funny.

The last group of people who seem to really embrace the holiday are college-aged women (maybe a little older) for whom Halloween affords them the chance to dress very (how shall I say this?) promiscuously under the guise of a Halloween costume. There are a some tried and true costumes here that I'm sure you're all very familiar with: cat, devil, nurse, french maid, playboy bunny and (of course) prostitute. Oh, and one year it was cool to dress up like Britney Spears in the "Oops I did it Again" video. Basically anything that allows them the chance to bare as much skin as possible (as a side note, going to school in Michigan it was amusing to watch this behavior at a time that it's typically pretty cold outside). I don't necessarily have any issues with this group so much as it really has nothing to do with Halloween.

Dress Shoes for Tall Jewish Men to Wear on Tuesdays

2007-10-20T00:42:00.000-07:00

Ask any good marketing person and they’ll tell you one of the most important skills in all of marketing is being able to identify the needs/desires of your target market. Before TIVO came about I always thought it was interesting to see what commercials aired during various TV shows. It lets you know who is most likely to be watching that particular TV show. As a guy you know you’re in trouble when the TV show you’re watching has a lot of women-oriented ads.

The place where I see the most ads (by far) is watching football games, though I don’t exactly understand who advertisers think are really watching football games. Based on the commercials I see on a regular basis the typical football-watching person is a guy who drinks a ton of cheap beer, drives a pick-up truck, eats at fast-food restaurants, needs financial advice and buys lots of IBM Blade Servers. Ads in football games have changed over the years, but the one constant has been the beer commercials. A rough, back-of-the-napkin calculation makes me believe that in my lifetime (just from watching NFL football games) I’ve seen about 5 whole days worth of beer commercials (figure 4 commercials/quarter = ~8 min/game x 2 games/week x 20 weeks/season x 22 seasons of football = ~5 days). Ironically I don’t drink any of the beers that are advertised in games (though I do enjoy those Coors Light ads. I want more Denny Green and Jim Mora!).

Just like any good marketing campaign, retail stores also do a lot of work in identifying their target customer base. Look at Target and Wal-Mart or Whole Foods and Safeway. My personal all-time favorite retail store (from a market segmentation standpoint) is Japanese Weekend Maternity Wear (which is right next to Ben and Jerry’s in Santana Row if you have any desire to patronize them). I’ve always liked to imagine what the conversation to select a target market went like. I bet it was something like this:

Person A: I think we should focus our new store on clothing for pregnant women
Person B: Hmmmm, that’s good idea, but it’s already a crowded space. We need to further segment our target market.
Person A: What if we focused on pregnant women who were Japanese? That’s a highly targeted and unique segment of the population.
Person B: Yeah, that’s true, but I still think it’s too broad. There are literally millions of Japanese women, and many of them get pregnant. We should segment this further.
Person A: Ok, you’re right. What if we focused solely on clothing they wear on the weekends?
Person B: So we’d focus on selling clothing that pregnant Japanese women would want to wear of the weekends?
Person A: Right
Person B: Brilliant!

Every time I pass by the store I think of the Simpson’s episode where George H.W. Bush moves in across the street. In the beginning of the episode the whole neighborhood is having a garage sale. In preparation for the garage sale Marge finds a jean jacket in the attic that Homer had made that says “Disco Stu” on it. She asks who Disco Stu is and Homer explains that he was writing “Disco Stud”, but ran out of space. The joke is completed later in the episode when we first meet the character (who has subsequently appeared in many episodes) aptly named Disco Stu. His friend advises him that he should buy that jacket, to which Disco Stu replies, “Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.” We are left to wonder what the odds are that Homer would actually have a potential customer with that exact name, but who still is uninterested in purchasing the jacket.

In the interests of full disclosure here's the real reason for the name of the store. Turns out "Japanese Weekend" is the name of a dance routine the founder created. I'll stick with my interpretation though. I like it more.

Drugs, Fast Cars and Lots of Tiny Maple Leafs

2007-10-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Canada is truly a great country. Their density of Tim Horton's coffee shops per capita -- one for every 12K people (in contrast with Starbucks in the US which boasts one coffee shop for every 32K people) means that no cold Canadian ever has to go long without a hot cup of coffee. Their use of the Maple Leaf on every product (Wendy's in Canada use a small Maple Leaf in place of an apostrophe) reminds you that despite the fact that you feel like you're in the US you're actually in a foreign country (sort of). And of course, my favorite, they're the inventors and innovators of the BlackBerry (what would we do without it?).

Everything isn't great about our neighbors to the North, however. Just ask any average American on the street and they're aware of the scam being perpetrated by our Maple Leaf-toting friends. Americans are paying for Canadians to have cheap prescription drugs. Actually, that's not really true. US drug companies sell drugs to Canada at a different price than they sell drugs to the US because the US doesn't legislate drug prices (and they shouldn't) and Canada and many other countries do. It's effectively a form of 3rd degree price discrimination that occurs for many products in the marketplace (including those that I sell). For years Americans have felt pained as they supported the huge R&D (and marketing) budgets of Big Pharma while countries with heavy socialized medicine legislation got their drugs at a fraction of the price.

Well, now the Canadians are finding out what it feels like to be on the other side of the loonie. Recently there has been an uproar in Canada over the price of cars. Specifically it's much cheaper for Canadians to buy cars in the US and drive them back to Canada than it is for them to buy the cars in Canada. Needless to say the Canadian car dealers don't like this and want legislation passed. Unfortunately there's this pesky free-trade agreement that they signed back when Clinton was president called NAFTA that guarantees free trade among Canada, Mexico and the US (woah, wait a minute. Mexico is in North America?). With virtually 90% of the the entire population of Canada (roughly 33M people) living within 100 miles of the US border there's little reason for them to pay hefty auto taxes when they can buy the same exact car in the US at a fraction of the price. Funny how free trade lowers prices and helps consumers.

2007 Dauber Product of the Year Award

2007-10-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a little early to give out the coveted Dauber Product-of-the-Year award, but I stumbled across a clear winner and need to look no further: the Wine Rack. Made by the same company that makes the Beer Belly. This product is genius for so many reasons I don't even know where to begin. First, it helps women sneak alcohol into stadiums which is nothing but goodness. To make it even better it stores the liquid in a bladder concealed in a bra, making the woman look (ahem) bustier. And it's called the Wine Rack. WINE RACK! It works on so many levels (you know because you store wine in a wine rack, and rack is a synonym for...never mind).

I did a little research on the Beer Belly -- certainly a very good idea (another clever name by the way). If you want to sneak liquids into a stadium (sporting event/concert) I think this is the way to go. The reason the Wine Rack gets the coveted Dauber Product of the Year Award for 2007 is because the Wine Rack does this while augmenting something that people like to have augmented (judging from all the plastic surgery done in that area, though I suppose Pamela Anderson is responsible for a third of it). A beer belly isn't something you want -- the opposite sex typically doesn't look fondly upon them. Being "bustier" on the other hand (not too busty, just a bit more) -- that's something we can all drink to.

Phantom Whiplash, Bystander Trauma and Ringxiety?

2007-10-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not being able to do a real post this week -- been very busy. I have a good one in the works, so check back in after this weekend.

In the meantime here's a pretty funny article about BlackBerrys and people who imagine them vibrating. Hits a little too close to home for me. Incidentally, how do the writers ever decide to write these things? Did Ellen's editor come to her with this idea? Anyways, enjoy...

By Ellen Simon
Updated: 1:22 p.m. PT Oct 10, 2007

NEW YORK - If your hipbone is connected to your BlackBerry or your thighbone is connected to your cell phone, those vibrations you're feeling in the car, in your pajamas, in the shower, may be coming from your headbone.

Many mobile phone addicts and BlackBerry junkies report feeling vibrations when there are none, or feeling as if they're wearing a cell phone when they're not.

The first time it happened to Jonathan Zaback, a manager at the public relations company Burson-Marsteller, he was out with friends and showing off his new BlackBerry Curve.

"While they were looking at it, I felt this vibration on my side. I reached down to grab it and realized there was no BlackBerry there."

Zaback, who said he keeps his BlackBerry by his bed while he sleeps, checks it if he gets up in the middle of the night and wakes to an alarm on the BlackBerry each day, said this didn't worry him.

"As long as it doesn't mean a tumor is growing on my leg because of my BlackBerry, I'm fine with it," he said. "Some people have biological clocks, I might have a biological BlackBerry."

'Phone is part of them'
Some users compare the feeling to a phantom limb, which Merriam-Webster's medical dictionary defines as "an often painful sensation of the presence of a limb that has been amputated."

"Even when I don't have the BlackBerry physically on my person, I do find myself adjusting my posture when I sit to accommodate it," said Dawn Mena, an independent technology consultant based in Thousand Oaks, Calif. "I also laugh at myself as I reach to unclip it (I swear it's there) and find out I don't even have it on."

Research in the area is scant, but theories abound about the phenomenon, which has been termed "ringxiety" or "fauxcellarm."

Anecdotal evidence suggests "people feel the phone is part of them" and "they're not whole" without their phones, since the phones connect them to the world, said B.J. Fogg, director of research and design at Stanford University's Persuasive Technology Lab.

"As human beings, we're so tapped into our community, responsiveness to what's going on, we're so attuned to the threat of isolation and rejection, we'd rather make a mistake than miss a call," he said. "Our brain is going to be scanning and scanning and scanning to see if we have to respond socially to someone."

In certain circles, phantom vibrations are a point of pride.

"Of course I get them," said Fred Wilson, a managing partner of Union Square Ventures, an early-stage venture capital firm based in New York. "I've been getting them for over 10 years since I started with the pager-style BlackBerry."

For others, it's one more tech irritation.

Jeff Posner, president and owner of e-ventsreg.com in New Jersey, which allows users to register and check in for trade shows and other events, stopped wearing his BlackBerry on his belt because of regular false alarms. He put it in the chest pocket of his shirt but found that was worse, because now his phone dials automatically, which has created a new annoyance: It always calls the same person, he said.

"Phones have favorite friends," he said. "It's like your phones have a thing for each other. Of course, it's a female friend, so my wife is like, 'You're calling her all the time.' "

Complicating things further, his own phone is his sales manager's favorite friend.

"Her phone calls me all the time," he said. "I'll get a call and hear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It's her, walking."

"Dilbert" cartoonist Scott Adams wrote on his blog, dilbert.org, that he feels the phantom vibrations, "about 10 times per day" and thinks " 'Ooh, it's an e-mail with good news!' So far, the only good news is that my pocket is vibrating, and that's OK because it gives me hope that the condition might spread to the rest of my pants."

Jake Ward, a former press secretary for Sen. Olympia Snowe and current director of Qorvis Communications., a public relations company in Washington, D.C., said he switched his BlackBerry from his hip to his jacket pocket six months ago, but still feels it there.

"Aftershocks," he said.

He also claims to "pre-feel" a new message or call. "I'll feel it, look at it. It's not vibrating. Then it starts vibrating," he said. "I am one with my BlackBerry."

For some, it's a matter of projecting hope onto their wireless device. Don Katz said he came out of retirement to work as director of wireline product management at SpinVox because he was so impressed with the company's voicemail product. He worked on its recent launch at SaskTel, the telecom company in Saskatchewan, Canada. That may be why, on a recent train trip to New York, he kept checking his phone, because he said he was sure it was vibrating.

"It's like, my phone should be ringing," he said. "It's anticipatory vibrations."

Big Difference Between United and American

2007-10-01T22:20:00.001-07:00

I'll say upfront that I'm a 1K on United which means I fly 100,000 miles every year (well, at least the past three years). Today, however I'm stuck on an American flight to Chicago (it was MUCH cheaper, so I guess I can't complain too much. Wait a minute. Yes I can). Here are some observations as to why I don't like American:

-Their web site/online check in stinks. I entered my name and record locater and that didn't work. Then I logged on and went to "my itineraries" and that didn't work. Finally I went and found the email telling me to check in online. That led me to a link that did work.

-MD80s are really crappy airplanes. No wonder MD got bought out by Boeing. An MD80 is significantly worse than a 737. The 2-3 configuration means that there is a lot less overhead bin space especially if people carry on their roll-aboards (which everyone does of course).

-American has no leg room. Coach on United isn't that bad if you can get in Economy plus. 4 inches never mattered so much. I'm 6'4". I need all the space I can get. Sitting in American my knees hit the top of the seat in front of me.

-No pillows and very few blankets on American. Even Northwest, the worst airline in the modern world has the option of purchasing a pillow. And the head rests in American are too low. On United you can adjust the head rest. The seat back only goes up to my shoulders here.

-No movies on American. Not that I care about this a ton, but I'm sure if I traveled with kids I would care.

-No free snacks on American. On a 4 hour flight to Chicago they only give you drinks for free. You can buy a cookie, chips OR a 3 musketeers bar for $3 EACH. That's right, one 3 musketeers bar for $3! When I made a comment to the flight attendant asking about any free snacks (pretzels maybe?) she gave me some lecture about how airlines don't give meals anymore. I explained that I fly about 100K miles/year on United and am well aware of the meals situation, but I didn't know American's policies. She then asked me if United was making a profit. I bit my tongue at that point. The amazing thing is that she said American DOES give snacks -- only on short flights. So they'll give you a bag of peanuts flying to LA, but not to Chicago? I need a snack less on a shorter flight. Unless that's just to encourage me to pay them $3 for their 3 musketeers bar. Seems like extortion to me.

The only thing I like about American is that they have power outlets in Coach. Last week I flew a 757 to Chicago on United in First and they didn't have power outlets (even in First class, that's absurd). That's pretty annoying. Still, the balance is strongly in United's favor. Especially from a seat comfort standpoint.

This Just In: Norv Turner Sucks!

2007-10-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

Let me apologize in advance to my loyal readers who aren't sports fans. I rarely subject you to a sports-related blog. I can't help myself today though. All evening and into this morning all the football pundits were asking how the San Diego "super" Chargers who were 14-2 last year could possibly be 1-3 this year.

I thought the answer was obvious, but no one seems to be talking about it: Norv Turner is the worst head coach in the NFL in the last 20 years to have received multiple head coaching opportunities. Norv was my beloved Skins head coach from '94 through most of the 2000 season. During that time period the Redskins found a way to (as Chris Berman used to say of those tricky Bengals) "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory". Seriously. Go back and think about how many close games the Redskins lost. They always found a way. Over time I noticed that Norv Turner-led teams lack accountability. No one ever stands up and accepts responsibility for something going wrong. I remember a game where Brad Johnson threw 5 interceptions AND had a fumble and he talked about turnovers as if they were everyone else's fault. Certainly they weren't 100% his fault, but as the leader of the team you need to own up to stuff. Norv never has those kinds of teams. They lack discipline.

Norv is seemingly a good offensive coordinator. That's why he keeps getting these head coaching jobs. He was the offensive coordinator in Dallas before getting the Skins job. Then he was in SD and Miami before going to be the Raiders head coach. Then he was the 9ers offensive coordinator before going back to SD to be their head coach. When he went to Oakland my uncle (who is a sports writer in the Bay) called to ask me what I thought. I told him that the only fact he needed to know was that in almost 7 full season as the Redskins' head coach he had a losing record against every team in the division INCLUDING THE ARIZONA CARDINALS! The Cardinals (for those of you who don't follow football) are one of those teams that have a culture for losing. They have an owner who has historically not cared. They're the Washington Generals of the NFL if you will (at least in the 90s along with the Bengals). And Norv lost to them!

If good coaches put their players in position to make plays (old cliche) Norv puts his players in position to blame problems on each other. Sure enough on the sideline yesterday LT yelled at Rivers.

So, you add all of this up and is it surprising that the Chargers aren't playing well? I can't imagine why AJ Smith (Chargers GM), with a team this good would hire Norv Turner to coach his team. Unless he went Mel Brooks on everyone a la The Producers and decided that he WANTED his team to lose. Because then this would make perfect sense.

Everyone Named "Mike" Please Stand Up

2007-09-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Those who watched the San Francisco vs. Arizona Monday Night Football game were treated to a rarity: three Mikes in the broadcast booth! That's right THREE! Mike Dikta and Mike Golic were color commentators while Mike Greenberg did the play-by-play. The only person not named Mike was sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein (though she joking suggested she should change her name). In many ways the broadcast booth represented a microcosm of what has been my life -- the complete futility of having the same name that everyone else has. In fact, there are so many Mikes out there that almost no one even knows me by my first name (hence the name of this blog). My freshman English class in high school had 30 students, 15 guys and six (count em SIX) Michaels (who all went by Mike of course).

Over the last 50 years no name has been more popular than Michael. Michael was the 2nd most popular name in the 60s and #1 in the 70s, 80s and 90s. A brief look at the top names for the 21st Century shows Michael running a solid #2 behind Jacob (seriously, who would pick Jacob over Michael?). At some point there are so many Mikes that the name becomes completely useless. It's just as effective as the pronoun "you" (well, it's slightly more effective since it's at least indicates gender). What motivates parents to continue to give their children this name? If you go through the lists of most popular names each decade there is a natural rotation in the top 10. Inexplicably though Michael/Mike has stayed at the top.

Despite the overwhelming popularity of the name there have been surprisingly few famous Mikes or Michaels over the past 25 years. Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan come to mind, but the list drops off after that. Michael Douglas, Michael Moore and the now-infamous Michael Vick. Mike Meyers and Mike Tyson are the famous Mikes. That's a pretty sorry list considering how many of us there are. There hasn't been a Michael as President either (though we came close with Dukakis). The only Mike running in '08 is Huckabee, and he doesn't have a chance in hell of winning.

Dauber's World Predicts Future!

2007-09-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

Back in May after the release of the Palm Foleo I declared it to be the Worst Product Idea For 2007

Turns out that was quite prescient of me. Today Palm announced that they were killing the Foleo just before it was to be launched. Oh it feels good to be right!

Palm drops Foleo on eve of launch
By Troy Wolverton
Mercury News
Article Launched: 09/04/2007 03:45:35 PM PDT

Palm is canceling its Foleo product right before the company was due to ship the new notebook-like device to retailers.

Based on early feedback on the Foleo, the company knew it needed to improve the product before selling it, company CEO Ed Colligan said in a blog entry on Palm's site in which he announced the decision. But right now, the company needs to focus its efforts on updating the operating system that runs on its Palm OS-based Treo phones, he said.

"We can not afford to make those improvements on a platform that is not central to our core focus. That would not be right for our customers or for our developer community," Colligan said. "I know there will be disappointed folks who were looking forward to carrying a Foleo for all their mobile computing needs. I am certainly one of them."

Palm founder Jeff Hawkins unveiled the Foleo at the Wall Street Journal's D: All Things Digital Conference in May, calling it "the most exciting product I have ever worked on." Shaped like a notebook computer, the Foleo was designed to work in tandem with smartphones such as Palm's Treos. The idea behind it was to provide a larger screen and keyboard that would allow smartphone users to more easily check their email and edit documents stored on their mobile devices.

The company originally planned to sell the device starting this summer for about $500 each. However, recent reports have suggested that the company had already decided to delay the launch.

Despite Hawkins' enthusiasm for the Foleo, his idea landed like a dud, and many Palm enthusiasts and analysts have questioned the need and market for the Foleo. The future of the device was put into question days after Hawkins unveiled it, when Elevation Partners announced that it was taking a sizable stake in Palm and planned to place three new directors on Palm's board, including Jon Rubinstein, Apple's former hardware guru.

The cancellation marks a big public setback for Hawkins, who was the force behind Palm's first two hits, the original Pilot pocket organizer and the Treo.

As a result of the cancellation, Palm will take a $10 million earnings charge, Colligan said. The company hopes to eventually release a product like the Foleo, but Colligan declined to say when it might do so.

"Jeff Hawkins and I still believe that the market category defined by Foleo has enormous potential," he said.

Ain't The Same F*cking Sport Either...

2007-09-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back from China, but I saved my favorite story until I was back in the States. One night when I was in Shanghai my sales team asked me if I wanted to go get a foot massage with one of our customers. I did a quick mental search to see if "foot massage" could be something else, and I determined that in Communist China I was pretty safe.

So we show up to this gigantic building and the first thing they ask you to do is to take your shoes off (seemed logical to me). The first amusing moment for me is when they tried to give me the "one size fits all" slippers. I wear about a size 14 or 15 shoe, so they had to scurry around and find a new pair of slippers for me. Then we went upstairs to some locker rooms. One of the sales guys turns to me and says, "Ok, get naked and then join us in the other room." It was at this moment that I thought perhaps my definition of a foot massage was inaccurate. I thought of Jules saying to Vincent in Pulp Fiction, "Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine..." (this is one of my favorite scenes ever in a movie. For the full scene scroll to the end of this post).

I was surprised, but I wasn't going to bail. As I got undressed I noticed two Chinese men who were my personal attendants (apparently) standing on either side of me. When I took my shirt off one of them tried to grab it from me. Now I'm more than capable to get naked on my own, so I politely declined. Of course he spoke no English so he tried to grab it from me. I had to forcibly grab it back. Then I explained to both of them using wild arm movements that I was happy to be left alone.

I wrapped a towel around me and walked into this large room with hot tubs and showers. I noticed a series of stalls where you sat down and held a shower head above you. I quickly noticed there were no seat covers for these stools. I started to question whether China truly was set to take over the World. I sat down in my designated stall and tried to discourage my new personal attendant from helping me. There were a series of soaps and conditioners in front of me, but since they were all in Chinese I didn't use any of them.

Then the sales team I was with and our potential customer got into the hot tub. Since it was about 95 degrees in Shanghai I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of getting into a hot tub with these guys. I was even less interested in getting into the hot tub with them completely naked. One of our sales guys suggested going in the ice tub. I decided as the lone American in the room I had to "represent" and wasn't willing to suffer from the inevitable shrinkage that was sure to occur in this ice water.

We hung (non pun intended) out in the hot tub for a while and then I decided to get out. I went into the "drying room" where a new set of attendants attempt to dry you off. Once again I felt completely comfortable in drying myself off, but alas the language barrier got in the way. The guy tried to take my towel from me and I grabbed it back from him. Then he tried to start drying me off, and I had to push his hands away from me (I don't know why they don't have drying girls instead of drying guys, but that's another story). I got changed into some sort of cabana wear and then went to our private room for the foot massages. I sat down in a chair and put my feet up and then this woman comes in and gave me a foot massage for about an hour. That turned out to be quite pleasant, and I was happy to see that everyone else was clothed at this point.

When we went back to the locker room to get dressed I was once again accosted by attendants (don't these people learn?). To confuse them I took my towel and tossed it about 10 feet from me. While they scurried to pick it up I was successfully able to get dressed without being hassled further.

When we were leaving I was amused to see that the foot massage establishment attempted to rip us off. Despite only having four pairs of shoes, they claimed that there were five of us. Then they claimed that I'd ordered all sorts of special services. Our sales guy pointed out that I couldn't speak any Mandarin and would have no idea how to order any of the things that they claimed I had ordered (rust proofing anyone?).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jules: It was a foot massage, a foot massage is nothing, I give my mother a foot massage.
Vincent: It's laying hands on Marsellus Wallace's new wife in a familiar way. Is it as bad as eatin' her out -- no, but you're in the same fuckin' ballpark.
Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
Vincent: It's not. It's the same ballpark.
Jules: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.
Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules: [scoffs] Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master.
Vincent: Given a lot of 'em?
Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.
Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
[Jules gives Vincent a long look, realizing he's been set up]
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You give them a lot?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.
Jules: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here.

Tale of the Tape: KFC vs. McDonalds in China

2007-08-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

As my travels through China continue I decided to tackle a problem that faces many food-challenged travelers in China: where to eat? Should I eat at one of the 1000 KFC's that inhabit this country or one of the 600 McDonald's (side note, KFC is opening about 200 KFC's per year now in China!)? In all honesty I'm not a big fan of either fast food chain in the States. When I do go to McDonald's it's typically in an airport (O'Hare since I never feel like waiting in the line for Chili's) and I get the grilled chicken sandwich. If I'm going to get fried chicken I choose Popeye's 10 times out of 10, but that's another story. I'm in China, and I'm tired of eating Chinese food (I like it in the States, but it's different here). To be fair I like the Chinese food here too (sometimes), but It's the weekend and I've been eating nothing but Chinese food all week.

I went to KFC yesterday at the request of my co-work from Beijing. I ordered two original recipe chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and popcorn chicken along with a large Pepsi (sounds like a lot of food -- it wasn't). It was easily the worst meal I've had on this trip. Possibly the worst mean I've ever had. KFC here is NOTHING like it is in the US. For starters the chicken breasts were tiny. What meat was on them was gross. The "original recipe" tasted nothing like the original recipe you'd get back home. It was greasier, and the fried part wasn't even fried properly. The mashed potatoes came in a container the size of a bottle cap (ok, a little bigger, but not much). At least those tasted ok, though it was one part potato one part gravy. The popcorn chicken was all dark meat chicken with a lots of random pieces of fat and ligaments still there. I didn't eat them at all. Oh, and the Pepsi was ice-less (this KFC had no ice according to their store manager).

Today I went to McDonald's for lunch on my way to the Forbidden City. I got three hamburgers and Coke for the equivalent of $3! To my absolute delight the hamburgers were identical to those you'd get in the States (I didn't try the fries, sorry). So was the Coke (I've always really liked Coke @ McDonald's because I think they water it down more than the Coke you buy in bottles. In any event, the Coke tasted just like it does @ every other McDonald's). As a frequent World Traveler (who, by his own admission is not an adventurous eater) I've eaten at my share of McDonald's throughout the World. From Cairo (and Luxor), to London, Istanbul, Pilsen, Berlin, Paris (yes, I was in a hurry), Tel Aviv and now Beijing I have patronized McDonald's across the globe. It's remarkable how consistent a McDonald's hamburger really is. It really makes no difference where you purchase one, it tastes exactly the same. How many things can you say that about? In the US, with many other options available to me, I never order them any more (why would you when In-n-Out is across the street?). However it's nice to know when I'm traveling abroad I can count on an old friend to deliver in the clutch.

Dauber's World Exclusive: How China Plans to Take Over the Wolrd

2007-08-25T03:24:00.000-07:00

In my travels throughout China I have uncovered China's two-pronged attack in their quest to take over the World: toilet seat covers and universal outlets.

Anyone who has lived in California for any amount of time has undoubtedly become attached to the wonder that is toilet seats covers in every public restroom. When traveling to "exotic" places (like Chicago) us Californians must suffer through the ritual of carefully laying out toilet paper on the seat. China (or at least the major metro centers of Shanghai, Beijing and Hangzhou) all have toilet seat covers in every public restroom I've used. It's pretty remarkable considering I rarely see them outside of California. Think about this: If you were to visit Motorola's World Wide headquarters in Schaumburg, IL and you needed to "drop the kids off at the pool" you would have no protection from the prior user (unless you went through the toilet paper ritual). However, if you decided to pay a visit to the facilities in Hangzhou or Beijing you would be delighted to learn that there are in fact seat covers for you. What are the odds? This blogger believes that it's all part of a sinister plot by the Chinese to lull us into a false sense of security. Honestly, when are you more vulnerable then when you're sitting on the toilet? Your pants are literally down around your ankles. You're certainly not going to fight anyone in that condition. I think it's some sort of test today, but the Chinese are plotting as we speak.

Which brings me to the second stroke of genius that China has implemented in order to take over the World: universal power outlets! At first I just thought the hotels were making things easier for me (after all, hotels here are amazing). Then I visited some customers of mine and noticed they all had universal power outlets in their labs. As did the airport in Hangzhou. Think of the implications. In the US we have to buy electronics with US plugs. Same for Europe and the UK (as an aside does anyone have a worse plug than the UK? It's amazingly cumbersome and adds no perceivable value above other plug systems). The Chinese get to use anyone's plugs. They don't care. This is most likely a devious step on their part to get lower prices on everything. They already have a large advantage when it comes to cost of labor, now they're reducing the amount of money they'll need to spend on capital!

On The Road Again: Dauber Compliments Chinese Hotels?

2007-08-25T02:56:00.000-07:00

Well, those of you that know me (which I presume is EVERYONE since why else would you read this blog) are certainly aware of my propensity to complain. It should therefore stun you to learn that in this blog I will praise, extol, applaud honor and adulate the hotels in China. One of my least favorite parts of international travel is the hotels. I typically travel abroad in Europe and while I love Europe the hotels are just awful (unless you spend a fortune), and even then they leave much to be desired. Now I know what you're thinking, "Dauber must be in a high-class hotel in China". You'd be correct now (I'm in the Grand Hyatt in Beijing), but this is also true of the Radisson I stayed at in Shanghai. A Radisson for G-d's sake! As my friend put it, "Radisson's aren't even fit for rodents!" Typically she's 100% correct, but check out the Radisson that I was staying in.

Chinese hotels are amazing. For starters they have normal sized showers and beds (please take note Europe!). They also give you all the soap and shampoo you need (again, Europe, no one is fooled by your "universal soap" -- I don't wash my face, body and hair with the same surfactant). Chinese hotels don't stop there however. The service is amazing. If there's a problem they take care of it in a hurry. Many of you have noticed that I'm what they call "high maintenance" so this is highly desirable for me. Also, all the hotels have gyms AND swimming pools (something else you won't find in many hotels in Europe or in major US cities). I stay at a great hotel in SF every-other week for Wharton (Le Meridien) and it has an amazing gym, but not pool/hot tub. The pools here aren't just pools, they're mock-ups of tropical islands!

The clincher though is the TV. Anyone who has gone to Europe knows that the TV is intolerable -- don't even turn it on. The only redeeming quality of European TV is that RTL (the German station) shows "advertisements" for a particular genre of 1 900 numbers late at night (if you're in to that sort of thing, and I'm obviously not). The only US TV station they typically have is CNN International which goes out of its way to NOT tell you any US sports scores (they'll tell you every cricket score on the planet and not tell you who won the MNF game!). Well look at the TV lineup I've had in my hotels: CNN, Bloomberg, CNBC, ESPN, HBO, Cinemax and a bonus movie station! I've never seen Cinemax in a hotel in the States, but to see it in China is amazing.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that are different (and complaint worthy) when traveling in China, but the hotels are not one of them.

But What Do They Do For The Female Police Officers?

2007-08-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

Thailand, well known for its wonderful pad-thai and chicken satay skewers is working hard to reform its police department. Tired of police officers who who don't follow the rules Thailand has come up with a novel way of punishing its less-than-stellar officers. Officers caught breaking the rules will now be subject to wearing a Hello Kitty armband.

I think shame and humiliation are excellent ways to motivate a workforce, but I think it's interesting that the Thai Police department selected "Hello Kitty". Certainly it's embarrassing, but I wonder what other ideas were considered. Did they have a long list where Hello Kitty was selected as the best choice to shame truant officers, or was that the only option considered? The options seem quite plentiful.

How long before there's a black market for these arm bands on eBay? I'm sure some little girl could get her Dad to bid $100 for one of these. The real shame here is that Thailand is missing out on a great money making opportunity.

The other question is whether the Thai government had to license the likeness of Hello Kitty to put on their arm bands. Hello Kitty is trademarked, so they can't use the image freely. Wouldn't it be great if it turned out that the police department had illegally used the Hello Kitty logo? I wonder what the punishment would be for that...

Badgers? Badgers? Well, I Guess We Could Use a Couple

2007-08-07T15:50:00.000-07:00

Sure it's called a "honey badger", but don't be fooled. These are ferocious, man-eating animals deployed by the British Military to attack Iraqis. Wait, that may not be true. I'll turn to the BBC to clarify...

Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic.

But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.

The rumors spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.

UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.

It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey
Housewife Suad Hassan

"We have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that don't attack humans unless cornered."

The director of Basra's veterinary hospital, Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, has inspected several of the animals' corpses.

He told the AFP news agency: "These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known locally as Al-Girta.

"Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."

French President Tries To Justify France's Seat on UN Security Council

2007-08-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

Exactly three months ago Nicolas Sarkozy had his way with Socialist opponent Segolene Royal to become France's next President. Sarkozy, well aware of France's reputation in the World, promised to bring pride back to a nation that used to matter. "I want to give French people back the pride of being French -- to finish with repentance, which is a form of self-hate." After the World stopped laughing they took a wait-and-see attitude towards the French leader.

A quick survey of the internet shows just how big a task Sarkozy has in front of him:

Q: How are French babies born?
A: With their hands up (surrendering).

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
-Marge Simpson

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
-General George S. Patton

Yesterday, while vacationing with his family in Concord, New Hampshire, Sarkozy showed the World that France finally has a leader with some balls. Apparently angry at some photographers who hadn't received a translation of his earlier request to leave him and his family alone Sarkozy completely lost it. Clad only in his swimsuit Sarkozy pulled his boat alongside photographers' boat and jumped aboard their vessel! He immediately began screaming at them in French.

Freelance writer Vince DeWitt who was aboard the boat described the situation, “The president was very agitated, speaking French at a loud volume very rapidly."

Let this be a lesson to DeWitt and the rest of the World: Sarkozy is putting you on notice. He isn't your typical Frenchman. You f*ck with him, you better be prepared to pay the consequences.

Finally, A Reason To Travel To Ecuador

2007-07-15T12:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I flew back to the US from London without too much hassle (word of warning to those flying in the UK: they now have a strict 1-bag carry-on policy for ALL flights). Overall my flight was mostly enjoyable and I got a lot of work done. Still I felt like something was missing, only I couldn't figure out what it was. Now I know, what I was really looking for was a lingerie fashion show while I was on the plane. Of course to have had that I would have had to have been on one of Air Icaro's new flights (there's a video along with the story, tasteful of course. Be sure to note the facial expressions of the passengers).

Seriously, I'm not creative enough to make this up. This belongs in the marketing hall-of-fame. Anytime I see something like this I can only imagine the "boardroom" discussion. I bet someone made a PowerPoint presentation with two slides:
-Problem: We're having trouble attracting business to Icaro Airlines (web site)
-Solution: Hire attractive models to give passengers 10 minute fashion show while they're on the air plane.

I hope whomever came up with the idea gets a raise. I did some research and there's actually a Wikipedia entry on Icaro (interesting note, Wikipedia already had the info on the lingerie show, what an amazing resource). Note they have a grand total of 6 airplanes (3 of which are called "Fokkers" -- I'd never fly in one of those). SIX AIRPLANES! That's not an airline. It's more like a car service. Hell I think a lot of companies have more than six airplanes. Seriously though, you run a tiny airline in Ecuador and you need to increase traffic. This is a great way to not only do that, but get a ton of free advertising (how much would you pay to appear in Dauber's World? Can I start the bidding @ $10K?).

Of course, seeing this makes me realize that we'll never get something like this in the States. If a US airline ever did this they'd get boycotted by all sorts of organizations. TV commentators would feign disgust and people would go on and on about how our morals are deteriorating. I for one applaud Icaro's efforts and promise to fly them the first chance I get.

Who's More the Fool? The Fool of the Fool Who Follows Him?

2007-07-11T16:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is getting ridiculous. Yet another from the files of "truth is stranger than fiction". Another absolute gift has been handed to me. Do I really need to comment on this? Why on Earth is the CEO of Whole Foods posting on the Yahoo message board about HIS OWN COMPANY?!?! Do I need to list all the reasons that's retarded? Forgetting everything else, doesn't he have something better to do? Anything better to do? I'm more productive reading ESPN.com than Mackey is making those posts. I'm almost at a loss for words (I said "almost" stop laughing). Anyways, this may seem like a cop-out, but here's another article posted as-in. Enjoy...

Whole Foods CEO Mackey Posted
Comments on Stock Message Board

By DAVID KESMODEL and JOHN R. WILKE
July 11, 2007 6:03 p.m.

In January 2005, someone using the name "Rahodeb" went online to a Yahoo stock-market forum and posted this opinion: No company would want to buy Wild Oats Markets Inc., a natural-foods grocer, at its price then of about $8 a share.

"Would Whole Foods buy OATS?" Rahodeb asked, using Wild Oats' stock symbol. "Almost surely not at current prices. What would they gain? OATS locations are too small." Rahodeb speculated that Wild Oats eventually would be sold after sliding into bankruptcy or when its stock price dipped below $5. A month later, Rahodeb wrote that Wild Oats' management "clearly doesn't know what it is doing... OATS has no value and no future."

The comments were typical of the banter on Internet message boards for stocks -- but the identity of the writer was anything but. Rahodeb was the online pseudonym for John Mackey, co-founder and chief executive of Whole Foods Market Inc. Earlier this year, his company agreed to buy Wild Oats for $565 million.

For about eight years until last August, Mr. Mackey posted voluminous messages on Yahoo's stock forums as Rahodeb, the company confirms. The moniker is an anagram for Deborah, which happens to be the name of Mr. Mackey's wife. Rahodeb routinely cheered Whole Foods' financial results, trumpeted his personal gains on the stock, and bashed Wild Oats.

Rahodeb even defended Mr. Mackey's haircut when another user poked fun at a photograph in Whole Foods' annual report. "I like Mackey's haircut," Rahodeb said. "I think he looks cute!"

Mr. Mackey's online alter ego came to light in a document made public late Tuesday by the Federal Trade Commission in its lawsuit seeking to block the Whole Foods-Wild Oats deal. The 45-page filing, submitted under seal when the lawsuit was filed in June, includes a quote from the Yahoo site in which Mr. Mackey said "the writing is on the wall" for Wild Oats. An FTC footnote said, "As here, Mr. Mackey often posted to Internet sites pseudonymously, often using the name Rahodeb."

Whole Foods didn't authenticate each and every one of Rahodeb's postings as being from Mr. Mackey, who declined to be interviewed. However, the company said in a statement that among millions of documents the company gave the FTC were postings Mr. Mackey made from 1999 to 2006 "under an alias to avoid having his comments associated with the Company and to avoid others placing too much emphasis on his remarks." The statement said, "Many of the opinions expressed in these postings now have far less relevance than when they were written." A spokeswoman for Wild Oats declined to comment.

Mr. Mackey, a 53-year-old vegan, co-founded Whole Foods in 1980. He built the Austin, Texas, company into the world's largest organic and natural-foods grocer, in part by acquiring many smaller chains. Like Whole Foods itself, Mr. Mackey is unconventional. He slashed his annual salary to $1 starting last January, explaining later that "this is what my heart is telling me is the appropriate thing to do right now." Outspoken and opinionated, he writes his own blog on the company's Web site. (Read the blog.)

READ RAHODEB'S COMMENTS

• Rahodeb's farewell comment to the Yahoo message board for Whole Foods stock in August 2006:
http://tinyurl.com/24vtow

• In the following entry, Rahodeb says the fundamentals of Wild Oats shares haven't improved and that its stock price had risen merely because of speculation of a buyout:
http://tinyurl.com/267oc7

• In the following dispatch, Rahodeb lambastes a Yahoo user who claimed Wild Oats had been a takeover target at $14 to $16 a share:
http://tinyurl.com/23el99

• In this entry, Rahodeb predicts that Whole Foods shares will one day trade at more than $800:
http://tinyurl.com/2bz3ow

• In the following, Rahodeb claims Whole Foods shares are undervalued and Wild Oats is overvalued:
http://tinyurl.com/2hrrkt

Note: Whole Foods didn't authenticate each and every one of Rahodeb's postings as being from Mr. Mackey. But the company and Mr. Mackey confirmed that he made numerous postings under the name Rahodeb from 1999 to 2006.

• Whole Foods confirms that John Mackey used an alias in making comments about the company's stock on Yahoo's Web site:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/ftchearingupdates/faq.html

• A link to John Mackey's blog:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/blogs/jm/

• Read the full text of the FTC complaint and the FTC document released July 10.

• Whole Foods CEO Has Heated Words for FTC
06/27/2007

• CEO's Words May Cook Whole Foods
06/20/2007

Whole Foods agreed in February to acquire Wild Oats, of Boulder, Colo., for $18.50 a share. The FTC sued to block the deal on antitrust grounds in U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C., saying the combination would reduce competition and raise prices for consumers.

To buttress its case, the FTC is trying to use Mr. Mackey's words against him. In its lawsuit, it quoted Mr. Mackey informing other Whole Foods board members that buying Wild Oats would enable the company to "avoid nasty price wars" in several markets and reduce the chance that a big conventional grocer like Kroger Co. would create a competing national natural-foods retailer.

When that part of the FTC's suit became public, Mr. Mackey fired back at the agency with a 14,000-word treatise on his blog. He accused the government of "bullying tactics," failing to do its homework, and taking out of context "macho posturing" by executives that is common to competitive organizations.

Rahodeb began posting messages about Whole Foods shares on Yahoo.com in the late 1990s. He quickly gained a reputation as being one of the stock's biggest cheerleaders, and gamely defended himself when other posters chastised him for being too rosy. "I've never pretended to be anything but enthusiastic about WFMI," he wrote in 2000, using Whole Foods' stock symbol. "I admit to my bias -- I love the company and I'm in for the long haul. I shop at Whole Foods. I own a great deal of its stock. I'm aligned with the mission and values of the company... Is there something wrong with this?"

Rahodeb often expressed pride in the work of Mr. Mackey. "While I'm not a 'Mackey groupie,' " he wrote in 2000, "I do admire what the man has accomplished -- building a $1.6 billion business from scratch is quite an achievement." He then asked another user, "whtmewrry 99," what he or she had accomplished by comparison. (The poster doesn't appear to have replied.)

By 2005, Whole Foods had grown to more than 160 stores and its annual sales were $4 billion, making it the leading player in the natural and organic foods sector. In a message in January of that year, Rahodeb predicted great things for Whole Foods' stock. "13 years from now Whole Foods will be a $800+ stock before splits," he wrote. "Whole Foods is a tremendous growth stock." At the time, the shares traded at about $94. Whole Foods' shares closed yesterday at $39.50, up $1.03, or 2.68%.

Rahodeb often sparred with other users, deploying a rigorous analysis of financial statements. "Your quarterly cash flow variance isn't statistically meaningful because the time period is too short," he complained to another user who had criticized Whole Foods in March 2006. He then pasted a summary of the previous six years of Whole Foods' operating cash flow. "Over the past 5 years operating cash flow has increased 330%," Rahodeb noted.

When it came to Wild Oats, Whole Foods' main rival, Rahodeb didn't pull punches. He often criticized Perry Odak, Wild Oats' former CEO, who resigned last year. "While Odak was trying to figure out the business and conducting expensive 'research studies,' to help him figure things out, Whole Foods was signing and opening large stores in OATS territories," Rahodeb wrote in 2005. "Odak drove off most of the long-term OATS natural foods managers" and brought in executives who "didn't know too much about the natural/organics industry or their customers."

Mr. Odak, in a telephone interview, said he was aware of critical postings, but had no idea Mr. Mackey might have been behind them. "It doesn't surprise me," he added.

When on occasion Rahodeb went without posting for several weeks, some users expressed concern about his whereabouts. On at least one occasion, he reassured them that he'd been away but was keeping abreast of the chat.

Last August, Rahodeb filed his last dispatch on the Whole Foods message board. He said he'd lost a bet with "hubris12000" about Whole Foods' stock performance; the terms of the bet required that he stop posting. He blamed the whims of the stock market for a 40% decline in the company's shares.

"Whole Foods itself has a very bright future, and I will continue to hold my stock for a very long time," he wrote. "I've enjoyed my 8 years on this Board, but all things must come to an end. I wish everyone the very best. Hog152-keep the faith. Liberfar-good luck with your market-timing game. Hubris12000-take your profits while you can."

When in Toulouse Do as the Toulousians Do...

2007-07-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

My high number of blog postings today can be attributed to lots of time in air ports and not wanting to sleep. I got into Toulouse late tonight and saw ads for EADS (the parent company of Airbus) all over the airport. I'd been thinking about Airbus a lot lately both because my Econ Prof (smart guy, check out his website) loves to make fun of them (my favorite comment being when he said that France wanted to be a "real" country so they started to subsidize EADS to help them compete with Boeing) and because they've been in the news a lot. There' s actually a big article in The Wall Street Journal on a spat they're having w/ GE and about supplying engines for the A350 here (if you have a subscription or steal it from someone).

The article reminded me just how badly Boeing's 787 is beating the pants off of the A350. To date Boeing has 677 firm orders to the A350's 154! I believe the technical term for that is an ass whuppin' (but I'll have to double check). I think it's interesting because this is one of the few industries where you really get to watch companies make strategic decisions and see how they play out over time. I remember when both companies unveiled their respective designs there was a lot of back-and-forth about which company had the right approach (since they chose such divergent paths). The A350 is a gargantuan plane aimed at highly traveled long-haul routes whereas the 787 is an extremely fuel-efficient plane that isn't as large, but can be configured for different route lengths depending on what airlines want. Today I don't think there's much of a debate. Airbus has been saddled by delays and major order cancellations (even Fred Smith canceled FedEx's order and he LOVES buying airplanes). Incidentally, how many more times will Europe need to go through this before they stop throwing subsidies at commercial airplanes? The A350 is an engineering marvel (just like the Concorde was), but if no one buys it what good is it?

It's also interesting to see how this drags other companies into the mix. In the WSJ article Airbus is complaining about Boeing's apparent unwillingness to design an engine for them (I'm sure the lack of orders and massive production delays has nothing to do with it). My favorite quote:

"The problem we have with GE is they go to [Boeing in] Seattle and say, 'What kind of engine should we design for your airframe?' " said John Leahy, Airbus's chief operating officer for customers and its top salesman. "Then they come to [Airbus in] Toulouse and say, 'Here is the kind of airframe you need to build to fit our engine.' "

Airbus/EADS reminds me a lot of the Uncle Leo character on Seinfeld (hey, I haven't worked a Seinfeld thread into a post in a while). Uncle Leo thinks everyone is anti-semitic (I have some relatives like that actually). There's a great episode where he breaks up with his JEWISH girlfriend for laughing at a Jewish jokes. Of course he accuses her of being anti-semitic too. Throughout this whole A350 debacle Airbus blames everyone else but themselves. I'm sure if they have any problems they just drag the WTO or the EU in and accuse Boeing of being unfair.

They Forgot the Eight Wonder

2007-07-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official, the "new" Seven Wonders of the World were announced yesterday. I'm not going to even bother asking why anyone spent time on this. Everyone knows that technology is really for one reason: making lists/rankings. That what humans like to do. We like to rank things. Absolute scales be damned. We just like to know that we're better than the person sitting next to us. Imagine if College Football did have a playoff -- what would the millions of College Football fans have to do every year? The AFI just re-released their top 100 films list. Somehow since the last list came out critics decided that "Godfather" was more deserving of the #2 spot than "Casablanca" and "Raging Bull" shot up all the way to #4. Never mind that none of these movies have changed AT ALL since their release. But I digress...

The first real controversy with the whole Seven Wonders deal came about when Egypt was offended that the Pyramids had to "re-qualify" for the honor. As the only surviving member of the original Seven they felt they deserved a special distinction. It's a good thing the Egyptian government has resolved all of the issues that the Egyptian people face that they can spend time arguing this point. I honestly agree with them (and I've seen the Pyramids, they're honestly incredible), but I would hope that they have bigger things to worry about. Last I checked Egypt's citizens aren't exactly in great shape. Egypt is a pretty poor country. Maybe the government could try doing something useful for a change?

Looking over the list of the "new" Seven Wonders (new is in quotes since a lot of these are REALLY old) most of them make sense to me. Great Wall of China, Taj Mahal, Chichén Itzá (where my brother's glasses were stolen by a spider monkey -- biggest regret of my life that I didn't see that in person), Machu Picchu, Petra (in Jordan. You know, the scene from India Jones and the Last Crusade) and The Roman Colloseum are all pretty strong. But the 7th "wonder" Christ the Redeemer in Rio? Come on. It's a tall statue on top of a hill. It was built in 1931. It's a nice landmark, but is it really comparable to The Great Wall of China? When I was a little kid I used to watch "Sesame Street". I remember a little skit they did with a song where they sang, "Which of these kids is doing his own this? Come on can you tell which one? Which of these kids is doing his own thing his own thing? Can you tell before this song is done...". Wow, can't believe I remember that. Anyways, Christ the Redeemer just doesn't belong at all. To me to be worthy of the term "wonder" here you'd have to be willing to travel to that country JUST to see that attraction. I'd to China to see the Great Wall. I'd go to India for the Taj Mahal. I would love to go to Rio, but I don't think I'd care if I saw the statue. If they were going to pick a modern wonder I think the Eiffel Tower is more impressive technically (for the time) and has effectively become the symbol of a nation (am I complimenting France?). Alternatively I'd probably pick the Acropolis or Angkor in Cambodia, both of which are infinitely more impressive than a statue on a hill.

I'm sure this oversight can be rectified when the "New Seven Wonders 10th Anniversary Edition" comes out in 2017...

Intelligent Design?

2007-07-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I just landed in London which means it's time for me to list my grievances with air travel on this continent. First though I have a non-complaint. In fact, I think I think it's actually a compliment (hush). I LOVE this no-smoking deal in the UK. Heathrow is soooooo much nicer w/out cigarette smoke.

That being said though I continue to be mystified by how complicated it is to make flight connections in Europe's two largest airports (Heathrow and Frankfurt). I'm reasonably sure millions of people land in these two airports and then fly somewhere else. Yet every time I make a connection I'm stunned by the seemingly random nature of the process.

Let me describe what I had to do to get to my Air France gate so I could sit and wait for hours (I mean catch my flight to Paris). I landed in Terminal 3 which is where all the Transatlantic flights arrive. I then follow signs to Terminals 1 & 2 and after meandering about for 5 minutes I get to a bus that drives me around the Heathrow until I get to some terminal. Then I'm about to go through a security line to get to my gate when I'm informed that I need to go someplace else because I have two pieces of luggage (apparently you can only have 1 carry-on in Europe now). I have to go through immigration and when I exit I find myself @ Terminal arrivals with a swarm of people looking for their family. I know Heathrow reasonably well, so I found the underground tunnels that run between terminals. Walked another half mile back to Terminal 2 and found the Air France check-in counter. Apparently Terminal 2 was built when the average height of humans was 5' tall. I've never seen ceilings so long in a "real" room before. They were about 6'8" which made me feel like the ceiling was about to fall on me. Anyways Air France, in their infinite wisdom decided to staff all three desks with trainees AT THE SAME TIME and left one manager to make sure they didn't make any mistakes. My trainee was very friendly, but had I not been paying attention my luggage to Toulouse (yes, I don't have a direct flight from London to Toulouse, to save $100 I'm flying all day...) would have been sent BACK to Charles De Gaulle (after landing in Toulouse of course). After finally getting my ticket I was able to make my way to my gate. I think they could make this process slightly simpler. I can't imagine how people who don't fly through here often manage. If I hadn't been to Heathrow before I would have had no idea what to do.

Oh, a side complaint about Air France: they don't let you stand-by for flights! There was space on an earlier flight to Paris but I'd have to purchase a new ticket, despite the fact that there's space on the plane. And to purchase a new ticket you have to go to a different counter and then come back and wait in line with the three trainees. No thank you...

Fast Cars, Small Penises and Australian Men

2007-07-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Normally I have to really think about a post. I'll spend time thinking of how to spin the story into something amusing for you the loyal readers. Once-in-a-while though the stories are perfect just the way they are. This is certainly one such instance. While reading MSNBC yesterday I came across the headline "Fast Cars, Small Penises and Australian Men". I knew I had a free blog post. I've pasted the full text below. Here's a link to the actual ad (fantastic). The only commentary I'll offer here is that if this campaign is successful imagine the possibilities: smoking, drug use, staying in school. This will become the future of ALL campaigns aimed at men (at least those in the under 25 demographic). I may have to do a follow-up on this due to the complete and total genius of this campaign. Enjoy...

Hitting Below the Belt

To discourage speeders, Australian authorities have chosen a novel approach: challenge their manhood.

By Kendall Hill

Newsweek

Updated: 9:51 a.m. PT July 3, 2007

July 3, 2007 - When you first read the slogan, SPEEDING: NO ONE THINKS BIG OF YOU, you might think it was a reminder that people think poorly of those who break the law. Think again. This new road-safety campaign, launched in Australia last week, is aimed a bit more below the belt—by suggesting those men who speed have small penises. In the television and cinema advertisements, young "hoons"—Aussie-speak for speeding or reckless drivers—are mocked by unimpressed women who wave their little fingers at the drivers in a parody of their manhood.

The wagging finger is a commonly used insult in Australia, often leveled at drivers of monster SUVs or expensive sports cars to suggest their vehicles are compensating for a deficiency elsewhere. Still, bruising male egos is not often used as a way of preventing road accidents. But in the land Down Under, authorities have decided the most effective way to change men is to challenge their masculinity. Instead of employing the traditional shock tactics that bombard viewers with gruesome images of dead and maimed, authorities are using shame as their latest weapon in the battle against road deaths. The campaign was produced by the Road Transport Authority (RTA) of New South Wales, Australia’s most populous state, where death and injury rates from speeding are highest among young men. "More and more young people are not responding to the shock-horror kind of advertising," said RTA Director John Whelan. "We are doing something different to get the message through. What we are saying with these ads is that speeding doesn’t impress anybody."

While Whelan conceded the campaign message might prove offensive to some viewers, "what’s more offensive is the number of people being killed on our roads from speeding." The RTA estimates 1,000 people will die in New South Wales from speeding-related injuries in the next five years. Last year, some 500 people died on the state’s roads. While this was the lowest annual toll since World War II, 40 percent of those fatalities were speeding-related, and 94 deaths involved young, probationary drivers. "That’s a tragically disproportionate representation," Whelan said.

Between 2002 and 2006, more than a third of those killed in speeding-related crashes were aged 17-25, and 85 percent of those killed were men. A further 4,000 people were injured in speeding-related accidents.

The pinkie-wagging campaign theme is the result of a six-month research process involving a test audience of drivers aged 17-50, a third of whom had recent speeding convictions. Researchers discovered that young drivers had become inured to the horrific images often used in road-safety education campaigns. The test group’s response to the new ads was "overwhelmingly positive," says Whelan, and the pinkie campaign was the only one that resonated with the majority of those surveyed.

As one young male driver commented: "This [ad] is something that is relevant to our situation … we respond to emotion in that particular way … we don’t respond to fear tactics."

The Army and Sports -- Blogs From Two of the Best People on This Planet

2007-07-02T00:23:00.000-07:00

I want to take the time to highlight the blogs of two very good friends of mine (actually the two people I've been friends with the longest -- since freshman year in high school. Well, unless you count Doobie, but he didn't got to my Bar Mitzvah).

First, I need to post a link to Andrew's Exnicios' blog. For all the joking around I do on this blog I'll do none of it here. Andrew has been called back in the Army to serve out the rest of his time after thinking that he was out for good. He was married a few weeks ago to wonderful girl (Lauren) who is moving back to my home state of Virginia. I only hope she is as good to you Lauren as she's been to me. Andrew, you once pointed me to a George Orwell quote that I think about all the time:

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. "

I and everyone who reads this blog (and everyone we know and care about) all bask in the freedom that you and people like you provide for us. I will sleep peacefully in my bed tonight because of you. I owe you a debt that I can never repay. Come back safe and at least let me start to make it up to you. My thoughts are with you all the time...

Second is Clarence's blog. If anyone actually reads the comments on my posts you'll notice that Clarence dutifully has been commenting on almost all of my posts. I think he got jealous and decided to make a blog of his own. Clarence named his site off of one of the greatest teams ever, the 1991 Redskins. Who can forget that season? If only I had Mark Rypien as a fantasy QB (anyone remember the game where he torched Atlanta for six, count 'em SIX TD passes!). Personally, I don't think C will have the staying power to stick with his blog. He'll start to do some cost-benefit analysis and realize that he makes like $400/hr for his law firm and nothing for his blog. His only incentive will be proving me wrong. I just trapped you C. Advantage Dauber...

You - You Got A Nasty Reputation...

2007-07-01T23:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been out of school for some time, and apparently some protocols have changed. After going to school for some 18 odd-years and another 3 and-a-half years of college (of brutal torture at the hands of my engineering professors) I came to believe that it was common practice to (as Bon Jovi teaches us) "raise your hand...from New Jersey to Tokyo." Well, apparently everyone didn't get that memo. I'm enrolled in a part-time bschool program in San Francisco and I've noticed that there are a couple of people who haven't caught on to the whole "raise your hand if you have a question or a comment" concept. They opt instead to just start talking.

It may seem petty of me to complain about this, but it completely disrupts the group dynamic. There are lots of rules in society that only work if everyone follows them (like agreeing to only use toilets and not sinks to urinate in. No that's a bad example...). As soon as a few people stop they cease to work because they force everyone else to follow-suit. If one individual keeps cutting other people off because they don't raise their hand pretty soon everyone starts to do the same thing because otherwise they don't get to ask their question/make their comment. Add in the fact that there's a class participation grade in many classes and people start to get nasty.

Truth be told I've seen this before. When I was in college we actually had a kid in one of my classes that did the on a regular basis. The situation was resolved when my old-roommate would imitate him when he cut people off and tried to ask a question (this typically meant that he interrupted the interruptor and that got his point across eventually). Are there less coercive ways to get the message across? Is it possible that the offenders don't really realize what it is that they're doing?

This is exactly the type of thing that would somehow appear in an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Larry David would decide he doesn't like this social norm and refuse to follow it and something would happen as a result (and Cheryl/Wanda would yell at him). As an aside, the new season starts this September and I think it's going to be very very funny (well that's what my sources tell me).

Anyways, I've decided to be vigilant and confront this problem head-on. I'll confront the offender and politely (all of you who know me and are laughing right now please stop, it's rude) ask them to start raising their hands in class. We'll see how that goes...

Freakin' Laser Beams...

2007-06-27T13:55:00.001-07:00

Well, the wait is over (for those of you who were curious). It's finally time to announce the test that will determine if this is indeed the greatest invention of all time: The Hairmax Laser Comb! Yes, that's correct. A comb with lasers that regrows hair. Doesn't seem possible does it? Well, in the 21st Century many things are possible. I'll soon find out if hair regrowth is one of them.

I actually purchased this over a month ago, but the back orders forced me to wait a while. The comb is expensive for sure (over $500), but you have 6 months to try it out or you get your money back (less a 15% "restocking" fee). At first I wouldn't allow myself to buy this product because I wasn't willing to cede money to any sort of personal vanity. When I thought about this as a scientific trial however I felt compelled to try it out (while doing a public service for all of you). Years back I tried Propecia. I decided I wasn't comfortable with taking medication (though Propecia at least stopped me from losing more hair). Lasers aren't invasive, plus they seem cool. As a kid I always thought we should be able to do more with lasers, and now I have the opportunity to do just that. I figure I have nothing to lose really (except the rest of my hair). Not only that, but how cool would it be if this really works? One of the biggest problems that man has ever faced would be obliterated: hair loss. Look at these results. The guys aren't lookers like me, but look at that regrowth!

I'll post periodically on the progress and have links to pictures so everyone can follow-along. We can even take a vote in December as to whether I should return this puppy.

For a "beginning" photo go here.

Who Are You Who is So Wise in The Ways of Science?

2007-06-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

Many of you who know Yours Truly are aware of an impending study that will truly test the limits of modern science. I am not merely a blogger who lives life on the sidelines. In less than 48 hours I will begin a real-life test of one the purported greatest technologies ever promised to mankind (a brief aside: what is "mankind"? To understand it you first must look at the words that make it up: "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery and so is "mankind").

Anyways, I will kick this momentous test off very soon and I will be providing regular updates so that you the (hopefully) loyal reader can make your determination for yourself and not rely merely on my opinion.

I don't want you coming away from this reading without any useful information, so I offer you this new technology nugget: Google Maps for the BlackBerry now has the ability to link to the GPS in the 8800! I noticed the link on my Google Homepage today on my 8800 and downloaded it immediately. All you do is press "zero" and it finds you and places a blinking blue dot where you are. I know it will "follow" you just like a normal GPS, but I'm not sure if it dynamically updates directions that it gives you. I'm sure if it doesn't it will soon. The irony here of course is that the BB8800 comes with a SW package (TelNAV) that you can pay $15 a month for that does the same exact thing. Man I'd hate to compete with Google. I haven't tried it for VZ's version of the 8800 (the "World Phone" which is a funny thing to call it since all of Cingular's phones are "World Phones"), but I assume it works on their phone too.

The TelNAV vs. Google discussion reminds me of a great George Carlin bit I saw once about prostitution:
Selling is legal
F*cking is legal
Why isn't selling f*cking legal?
Why is it ILLEGAL to sell something, but perfectly legal to give it away for free?

Homage to Christopher Walken and All Who Impersonate Him

2007-06-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

This is an atypical post for me in that I have nothing to complain about or to poke fun at. I merely want to make everyone smile (and hopefully laugh). Why? Because that's the kind of guy that I am.

I'm a big Christopher Walken fan. I just think the guy is funny. I first saw him in Batman Returns, which wasn't one of his funnier roles. I learned of his comedic capabilities when I saw him in numerous SNL episodes. When he appeared Pulp Fiction he delivers one of the best monologues ever in a movie making this (in my opinion) the best cameo appearance ever in film.

What makes Walken special of course is his cadence. No one else on the planet has unnatural pauses the way he does. Walken's greatest contribution (and this is not to take anything away from him as an actor) is that he's possibly the funniest person to do an impression of. Jay Mohr was the first person that I saw do a great Walken impersonation in a comedy routine where he talks about Walken meeting his dog when they worked together on a movie.

I couldn't find a clip but the text is still funny (you need to imagine Walken and his unnatural pauses with his NY accent). As best as I can recollect:

CW: Jay (p) your dog (p) has no tail. That's crazy!
JW: Chris, if you had the power of flight or a tail which would you pick?
CW: That's (p) the dumbest question I've ever heard. Of course (p), I'd pick a tail. Because (p) if I had a tail (p) I could still fly in an airplane. Having a tail lets people know how you're feeling. Hey! That's Chris! Look at his tail! He's upset!

This doesn't do it justice. To show of Mohr's skill in impersonating Walken check out this clip from the Simpsons.

Personally though, no one holds a candle to Kevin Spacey. He's just dead-on. The first clip is from an SNL sketch where Spacey is playing Walken doing an audition for Han Solo in Star Wars. Even if you don't remember the scene (when Obi Wan first meets Solo) it's still funny.

The second clip really shows off how talented Kevin Spacey is (this is more of a treat for all you Kevin Spacey fans out there than having much to do with Christopher Walken). It's from an episode of Inside the Actors Studio. The Walken impersonation is @4:45, but it's worth watching the whole thing.

Enjoy!

Life, Liberty and the Right to Urinate on the Side of the Road Without Your Picture Winding Up on Google

2007-06-06T16:24:00.000-07:00

The "right" to privacy has always been a right that I don't really understand. Some rights seem clear cut enough: I can see why you wouldn't want your financial information publicly available. People often take privacy "rights" to extremes that just make no sense. Witness the roll out of FastTrak in the Bay Area (system to pay tolls -- like EZPass). Many people were concerned that they were now trackable due to their FasTrak in their car (never mind the cell phone all of these people use on a daily basis). So California's Dept. of Transportation had to send people mylar bags to prevent the unwanted tracking of their cars. Personally I think people need to get over themselves. Why on Earth would anyone want to track you? In fact, what California actually does is use FasTrak to get accurate data for the wonderful 511 service (for those who have never used it there's both a web site and a telephone number that is voice automated and gives you real time traffic info -- talk about a great service!).

The hysteria over privacy has gotten worse with the advent of Google's Street View. People seem terrified that someone may have a picture of them and post it on the internet. The Consumerist (great blog) has an amusing story on this here (it's worth clicking on the link just to see the photo -- talk about bad timing. You're supposed to look first before you go! And what happened to a tree?). Google's position seems pretty reasonable: if you have a complaint let us know and we'll take down the picture. In general there's nothing to stop anyone from taking a random photo and posting it on their web site. Presumably people's concern is that Google is much more visible than a random person's web site. Again though, who really cares? If there's a random photo of me on Street View it's not really a big deal to me. Furthermore, if I wanted to be on Street View I have no idea how I'd find myself.

Juxtaposed to the whole "Street View-gate" is the fact that people (in general) seem to be willing to do anything to get publicity (some could argue this author is guilty merely by the publishing of this blog). You Tube and Pod Casts have gained intense popularity for just this reason. Anytime you watch a sporting event you'll see fans pushing and shoving to get on TV. All the news shows that have glass backdrops that let you see the people on the street are always filled with people pushing and shoving to get on TV. Obviously the difference is that these people are choosing to be filmed vs. not choosing. I just wonder what percentage of the people who are feigning outrage at Google's "blatant" violation of privacy are the same people who'd do anything to get on TV.

NHL Reaches New Low

2007-06-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

Growing up I used to watch hockey all the time. I really enjoyed it. When the NHL went on strike a few years ago I wrote them off as a league. Throwing away an entire season is unacceptable. This is entertainment. Fans have so many choices as it is, why on Earth would they spend their time and money on a sports league that turns it's back on the fans? I haven't watched a game since and I don't plan to every again.

Well, we're in our second Stanley Cup Finals after the strike and it's clear that no one cares. Look at the Stanley Cup ratings for game 3. It was the lowest ratings EVER for NBC in prime time. It lost out to a re-run of "The West Wing" in July. That's the equivalent of a girl turning you down for a date to wash her hair. Only a little over a million people watched the game. That's nothing. I think more people watch a mid-week baseball game than watch the Stanley Cup Finals. If this doesn't send a message to the NHL that they're in serious trouble and need to think about what they have to do to revive this league then I don't know what will.

Worst Product Idea for 2007

2007-05-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

The Comic Book Store owner from The Simpson's might be tempted to call Palm's new "smart phone companion" the Foleo the "worst product ever". That may be going too far. Worst product of 2007 seems sufficient. Why on Earth anyone would purchase this is beyond me. The Foleo connects wirelessly to your Treo so that you can use a keyboard, have a larger screen and view attachments and emails. Hmmmmm. This sounds familiar. Almost LIKE MY LAPTOP! It'd be one thing if virtually every person who carried a Treo didn't own a laptop and need to carry it around for work. However I'm guessing that cross section is above 95%. Laptops can connect to WiFi and other networks w/ optional cards. They can also EDIT attachments. The whole point of a smart phone is that you don't need your laptop. If I have my laptop out why am I using my BlackBerry (while we're on the subject the Treo is so much worse than the BlackBerry -- just had to throw that in there)? I'm on my BlackBerry mostly when taking out a laptop is inconveniet. Not to mention with the advent of a 3G, HSDPA and EVDO cards that plug into laptops the idea that you'd use you phone as a connection for a laptop like device is absurd. Even more absurd is that it's too big to carry by itself. I'd have to carry in a briefcase right next to my laptop! Seriously, who is going to buy this @ $500? Who would buy this @ $200? I'd actually pay money to not carry this.

Looking at this product reminded me of the famous Seinfeld routine about the Superman Halloween costume that he wore as a kid. Seinfeld recalls that there was a warning on the packaging that stated "do not attempt to fly wearing the Superman costume". He then says, "I'd like to meet the child dumb enough to think that they could fly wearing the Superman costume but smart enough to check for a warning label." I'm sure it's the same kid who would grow up and buy a Foleo.

Unilateral Phase Detractors and Sinusoidal Depleneration

2007-04-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

This is a bonus post. It was just too funny to pass up. I wasn't sure just how fake the video was, but a quick Google search (seriously, what would you do without it?) yielded a random thread that discusses an article from a mechanical trade journal in 1945. Further investigation (seriously how awesome is Wikipedia) yield the truth. As you'd expect, it's completely made up. Anyways, just watch the video and soak it up. Bernard Salwen was a genius.

I'm Not a Health Official, but I Have Watched Every Episode of "Gray's Anatomy"

2007-04-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Every once-in-a-while a public poll is released that really gives you a sense of what's going through the heads of your fellow citizens. Unfortunately, almost every time one of those nuggets is released it just makes you shake your head. Everyone has seen at least one poll like this from the number of high school students who can pick out "Europe" on a map to the number of adults who know the name of their Congress person. You see these statistics and you think to yourself "My G-d, these are the people that are electing our leaders (i.e. determining the fate of our nation)?"

A recent AP article explained how the CDC (that's right, the Center for Disease Control) is spending money (and time) working w/ Hollywood (yes, Hollywood) to make sure that TV and Movie scripts accurately portray major public health issues. You have to read about halfway through the article to get to the part that makes you want to break your keyboard over your head:

"CDC officials make time for Hollywood meetings, because they know what’s on screen can be influential. In a 2000 CDC-sponsored survey, more than half of TV viewers said they trust health information on prime-time shows to be accurate, and about one-quarter said prime-time television is one of their top three sources of health information."

This paragraph is nonchalantly placed in the article, but if true it's pretty remarkable (even if it's not completely accurate). Half of the Americans surveyed trust the health information portrayed in a TV (i.e. not a news program -- a fictional show about, say, doctors!). Of those people, half of them list TV programs as one of the top three places they get health information. TOP THREE! Let's see. Where can I get information on my health? Doctors? Health Magazines? Specialty Web Sites (WebMD)? How about "ER"?

Truth be told, the amount that the CDC spends on this is relatively little in comparison to what is probably their total budget. It's a sad state of affairs though when an organization focused on stopping the spread of disease through out our country feels that fictional TV shows are one of the most effective mediums to communicate those messages. And one really hopes that at most a handful of Americans take health lessons from fictional characters playing doctor.

I'll Pay You $3 to Wait in Line for an Hour

2007-04-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

Every year Ben and Jerry's does something that drives every economist crazy: they offer a free small ice cream cone to anyone who shows up. On the surface this sounds fantastic: you get something (good ice cream) for free! Nothing is free -- even in those CD deals back in the day you had to pay for shipping (can you imagine paying for CDs?) But back to ice cream -- free! The best word in the English language. Or is it?

The problem, when you offer a good at a price well below it's value is that the demand sky rockets. Ben and Jerry's ice cream is very popular. In a city like Berkeley people will line up for over an hour to get a small ice cream cone. One hour! Think about that. A small cone costs ~$3. On any other day of the week you could walk up to the counter, pay $3 and get a small ice cream cone. Today you had to wait one hour, but you paid nothing. Interestingly I'm sure if if you offered $5 to cut to the front of the line no one would accept it (why would they? they just waited in line for an hour!). Yet for just $3 you could buy that same ice cream cone any other day and not wait at all. To make the situation even more absurd you could even go to the grocery store that very day and for $3 get a whole pint.

It Was Safer on The Battlefield Than in The Camp

2007-04-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life you see statistics that run counter to what our intuition tells us. Jerry Seinfeld in his pre-"Seinfeld" routine has a joke where he says:

"In a recent survey of adult Americans the number 1 fear was public speaking. The number 2 fear was death! Death was the number 2 fear!?!? That means at a funeral people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy!"

Many Americans (at least those with a sense of our History) are aware that the Civil War was the bloodiest war in American History (over 600,000 men, and by some estimates as many as 700,000 men died). That's somewhat misleading since it's also the only war where the US fought itself, but the statistic is still no less valid. What many people do not know is that 2/3rds of the deaths (TWO-THIRDS) were from disease! That number does not include deaths from infections resulting from battlefield injuries (those are included in the 1/3rd portion of the deaths). That's remarkable. For all of the carnage in the Civil War (Antietam is still the single bloodiest day in American History -- 3600 Americans lost their lives) disease was more of a problem than anything else.

Of course this isn't anything new. It's really only recently that man has devised ways to kill himself more efficiently than disease. In World War I ~19M people died (that number is almost unfathomable to begin with). It also marked the first time that civilian deaths outnumbered military deaths. However Mother Nature proved to be vastly more deadly. The Spanish Influenza of 1918-1920 killed anywhere from 40M-100M people (2%-5% of the World population!). Unlike many deadly strains of influenzas this one was deadly to young healthy people as well. It killed over 25M people in the first 6 months of the outbreak (in contrast AIDS took 25 years to kill that many people).

Greatest Secret Never Told

2007-01-10T16:27:00.000-08:00

I've always thought that the best-kept secret in history (at least the last 100 years) was D-Day. How the Allies were able to fool Hitler with that many people running around the south of England (Operation Fortitude) has to be considered the best example of subterfuge in human history. However, you have to give Apple some credit for being able to hide so many details of the iPhone. Everyone on the planet knew it was coming, but people had to be surprised by the reality of the device (note the stock surge). Look at this article that shows the extent to which Apple hid details for the iPhone.

When you really think about it keeping the iPhone a secret is pretty impressive. Sure the stakes aren't what they were in D-Day (and I still think for the record that Operation Fortitude is still #1 all time), but keeping the iPhone a secret when that many people were trying to find out about it while at the same time you need to communicate to so many 3rd parties is amazing. Making it all the more amazing is that with all of that planning they chose a name that had already been taken! Today it was announced that Cisco is suing Apple for using the name iPhone which is apparently owned by Cisco through their Linksys acquisition. Apparently Apple was trying to hash out a deal with Cisco, but they never signed on the dotted line. Needless to say Jobs didn't like that stop his announcement yesterday, and why should he? What's IP (well, sort of IP) to a company that has tried to pioneer DRM?

My final comment on Apple's version of the iPhone (and it really is cool) is how is it not 3G capable? It's not like 3G isn't available on Cingular (check out the Samsung Blackjack). If you're making a completely cutting-edge phone with lots of really cool technology that is going to drive high speed data downloads wouldn't you want the latest technology for downloading data? This is 2007, not 2005. I wonder if the new models they release in AP and Europe add 3G functionality.

I'm The Opposite of Any Man You've Ever Met

2006-12-20T07:52:00.000-08:00

Those words by George Costanza highlight what is possibly one of the best TV episodes ever made -- "The Opposite" episode of Seinfeld. In the episode George realizes that his life isn't where he wants it to be and he decides to start doing the opposite of everything his instincts tell him. This makes for some fantastically funny scenes the best of which is when he "gives it" to George Steinbrenner (voiced by Larry David) for running the Yankees into the ground (hard to believe in 2006 but for about 10 years they were just pathetic). He gets the job on the spot. If you own the Seinfeld Season 5 DVD I highly recommend that you watch that episode (even if you've already seen it) with the commentary on. David and Seinfeld do the commentary and it's hysterical to hear them watch it for the first time in a decade.

Sometimes I feel like (despite all the work I put into something) I'd be better off doing the opposite of whatever it is that I think I should do. As Jerry says, "If every decision you've ever made was wrong then the opposite would have to be right."

This morning I read that Ericsson has decided to acquire Redback Networks, which is just down the road from where I work. I then found that an analyst from RBC had written a report published yesterday morning detailing why Redback wasn't going to be acquired anytime soon and recommended that clients should sell their shares. Literally a half a day later Ericsson snatched-up Redback's shares at a 25% premium to where they were trading earlier in the day! Talk about a bad day for the analyst -- and I'm sure he did a lot of research before making that call.

I wonder if he's ordering a chicken salad on white bread (untoasted) with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea for lunch today...

On the Road Europeans Excel

2006-12-14T11:38:00.001-08:00

I'm of the belief that as Americans if we see that someone is clearly
doing something better than us our national duty is to copy it and
make it our own. This is basically the Microsoft approach (except
they make it better), and it has served us well over the years.

Why is it then that we don't copy the two most obviously brilliant
innovations to come from Europe since Led Zepellin showed us Hard
Rock?

For those of you who haven't been to a major European city, you've
never seen the brilliance of the yellow light flash before the light
turns green. The origin of this must be due to the number of people
who drive manual transmissions in Europe. Aside from the coolness
affect (makes you feel like a race car driver) it gives drivers the
equivalent of "on your marks/set" before telling you to "go". The
result is that you don't have to wait nearly as long at a traffic
light for cars to start moving.

The other brilliant innovation that the Europeas have developed is
really a custom, and it would stun any American driver (especially one
from California) -- slower cars stay to the right (except in the UK
where they stay to the left, but the idea is the same)! Why is it
that people in the US will almost randomly select a speed and lane in
which to travel? Not only do Europeans really respect this concept
(and it really opens up a road, especially two lane highways which are
plentful there) they go one step further: if you're passing in the
left lane you keep your left blinker on so cars in that lane who are
passing (but going slower than you) move to the right to let you by!
I can't even count the number of times in a week where I'm stuck
behind someone going faster than the speed "limit" (but slower than
me) who don't get out of the way even though they're not passing
anyone and could easily get out of my way. I know some states (nj?)
Have laws that say that you need to go faster than the person to your
right, but when does it get enforced? And even if it did, we need to
instill the etiquette in people so that they're accustomed to getting
out of the way when a faster car is behind them.

I don't know how to get the US to adopt the light policy, but I'm
going to start using my left blinker to signal to people in the left
lane that I want to pass them. Perhaps in 20 years it will catch on.

It's the Little Differences

2006-12-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

I'm on the road this week in Europe and as I sat through various stages of the travel process I started thinking of Lou's comment in "22 Short Films About Springfield" (the Pulp Fiction spoof episode on "The Simpsons" -- mainly it's the little things that make the difference (in the episode he's comparing McDonalds to Krusty Burger, I pasted a transcript below in case you don't remember it or never saw it courtesy these guys).

Anyways here are some "little differences" that made me wish I was back in the US and A:

When I landed in Frankfurt I had to make a connection through to Munich. For those of you who've ever flown through Frankfurt you're aware that it's not a simple change, the biggest pain is that you have to go back through security. In Germany (and in all airports in Europe that I've ever been to) they don't have a ramps/tables (or whatever you would call it) in front of the X-Ray machines to lay out your bin/luggage and put your stuff in it while you're waiting for the person in the front of the line. They only have table space for what amounts to one suitcase worth. This may seem insignificant, but the net effect is that each person has to wait until they get to the front of the line to take out their laptop, remove their coat and find their quart zip lock (called "zip-top" here) resulting in a much longer wait. You have to wonder though, I'm sure lots of the Europeans have been to the US. You'd think at least one of them must have noticed that the line moves faster there because they have the tables laid out. There must be some reason that all of Europe is refusing to put tables in front of the X-Ray machines, but for the life of me I don't know what it is.

The next little difference (and this one is over-reported, but I couldn't resist) is the whole situation w/ non-alcoholic drinks in Europe. For starters, no one here seems to like anything cold. Even something out of the fridge seems warm to me. If you ask for ice they give you two measly cubes. I have to explicitly state that I want an entire glass of ice (and then explain further that I'm American) to get a substantial amount of ice. I wonder how the practice evolved that Europeans don't like ice and Americans want tons of it. To make matters worse of course they're incredibly stingy with soda (or "pop" as some of you would call it). I always thought this stuff was cheap, but here's beer is cheaper (although that's a little difference I could easily get use to. The beer in the US doesn't hold a candle to Central European beers). Of course the concept of free refills is completely foreign here, and at fast food restaurants they're careful to mark a fill line on the cups that doesn't even fill the cup! To further confuse me though (back on the ice thing), Europeans do put ice in the one place where I hate ice -- juice! Every time I get breakfast here I get OJ with ice in it. Why would you serve me "pure" coca-cola, but then put ice in orange juice? That doesn't make any sense. Of course, the juice here is much worse than in the US (though that does make sense -- we have Florida close by), so I end up not having a lot of it.

The last little difference that I'll bring up today (this post is getting to long) is how Europeans will stand up while the plane is still taxing to get their bags and form a line at the door before the seatbelt light has gone off. This I don't have a problem with at all (more efficient for me, and if they get hurt it's their decision), I'm just amused by the hypocrisy of it (at least from the German standpoint). Germans have to be the most conscientious (anal?) country I've ever seen when it comes to following rules (which makes most things pretty efficient here I must say). For example, when I was in Berlin last year people refused to cross the street unless the "walk" light was illuminated (one woman wasn't paying attention and followed me halfway across the street when it said "don't want". When she looked up and realized what she'd done she scurried back to where she started to wait for a light to tell her she could walk). I just thought if you're going to follow the lights on the streets, you'd listen to the flight attendants on the plane.

Scene from 22 Short Films About Springfield
Lou: Y'know I went to the McDonalds in uh Shelbyville the other day.
Wiggum: The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonalds restaraunt. I never heard of it either but they have over 2000 locations in this State alone.
Eddie: Hmm. Must have sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know the funniest thing though? It's the little differences.
Wiggum: Example
Lou: Well at McDonalds you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right, but, they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out.. well what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese, but... uh. Do they have 'Krusty Partially Gelagnated Non Dairy Gum Based Beverages'?
Lou: MmmHmm, they call them "Shakes".

Back in The Saddle with My BlackBerry at My Side

2006-12-09T11:08:00.001-08:00

After a roughly 2 year hiatus I'm back in the saddle. Two job changes and a move to Berkeley later, I've decided to get back on the horse, and this time I'm serious. With nearly two years of material to choose from what should my first topic be? The BCS? Dems in control of Congress? People continuing to use the hated phrase "at the end of the day" (which, by the way, continues to spread to ridiculous proportions -- I'll have to do a follow-up on that)? No, the first post is slamming the anti-BlackBerry sentiment that pervades our society.

I am one of those people who is often described as a "crackberry" user. I don't go anywhere without my BlackBerry. I've used it on three separate continents to actually answer work email (how passeé ), check sport scores and play that addictive break-out game (high score 10300). I'm constantly stunned by the rampant jealousy of non-blackberry owners who scoff at my lack of embarrassment for using my device so frequently. I've noticed that the same people who complain about my "addiction" are the same ones to ask me to look up something on Google or check a sports score via my beloved device. Some of my friends complain that the BlackBerry gives me an unfair texting advantage since I have I have a full QWERTY keyboard, but that's like a Chevy owner complaining about someone who owns a Ferrari. What do you want the Ferrari owner to say? Oh you're right, I'll go back and buy an Impala?

Of course the #1 complaint by the jealous group of people who don't have a BlackBerry is how it "forces" you to be connected to work 100% of the time. They cite numerous examples of how it affects your "work/life balance". I've actually found (quite to the contrary) that the BlackBerry allows me to have a better work life balance. With a job that requires me to mostly email and call people I can work from anywhere that has a GSM signal. Plus, everyone I know who has a BlackBerry uses it to goof off all the time. And just like a cell phone, just because someone emails doesn't mean you have to respond.

For those of you with a BlackBerry (or other smart phones) you know exactly what I'm talking about. Once you've had your phone for a month you become accustomed to having the definitive answer in an esoteric debate over who appeared in a movie or the score of a game last weekend. You get used to knowing how your fantasy team is doing even while you're shopping for your friends birthday present, and you become attached to playing breakout while rinding the BART into San Francisco.

And The Loser Is...

2005-02-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

Lost in the news of Ray Charles posthumously winning 8 Grammys is the fact that Led Zeppelin won a Grammy under the banner of "lifetime achievement award":
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6959970/

Before I go on, I should admit that I'm a huge Zep fan, and consider their first 6 albums (Zep 1-Physical graffiti) among the best albums of all time. That being said, I can't believe that at no point during their reign as THE rock band (which essentially created hard rock as we know it today) did they win a Grammy. Not that I ever thought that the Grammys were indicative of good music, but you would think that at some point between 1969 and 1975 they would have thought that perhaps Zeppelin was worthy of a Grammy for something. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since it wasn't until Bob Dylan's "Time Out of Mind" album (released in late '97) that he won a Grammy. I happen to think that album is ok, but considering Dylan is credited with writing some of the most influential songs ever, you would have thought he would have won something in the 60s or 70s when he was making history (pick the song or albumn. Certainly out of the following list he should have had one best song: Like a Rolling Stone, Blowin in the Wind, Subterrean Homesick Blues and The Times They Are A Changin).

To me this all goes back to the absolute stupidity of these awards in the first place. I'm going to lump the Academy Awards in with the Grammys which both appear to be trumped-up, self-congratulatory awards aimed at sucking more money out of the public (I don't know enough about the Emmys or Tonys to complain about them, but I'm sure they're no better). My biggest problem with the awards is that they purport to reward the best, but even they recognize it isn't the case. Every year the Academy is righting some wrong from a previous year. An actor/actress/director rarely wins for the actual performance they're nominated for. Russell Crowe won an Oscar more for his work in LA Confidential and The Insider than he did for Gladiator, Renee Zellweger won more for Chicago and Birdgette Jones then Cold Mountain, Nicole Kidman won at least as much for Moulin Rouge then she did for The Hours and I'm sure Scorsese will win best director not because of his work in The Aviator, but for what he's accomplished in his life as a filmmaker. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

It's also absurd to pick "the best" in something as subjective as film or music. How do you differentiate between Joe Pesci's performance in Goodfellas (which was awesome) and Jack Nicholson's as the Joker in Batman (equally awesome)? The Shawshank Redemption probably would have won best picture had it come out in a weak year (Shakespeare in Love anyone?) but lost in a strong year that included both Pulp Fiction and the winner, Forrest Gump. It becomes even more absurd when studios rush to release films in a couple of cities at the end of the year just so it's eligible for that year's Academy Awards.

If you insist on having some kind of awards show (I guess there isn't anything better to put on TV, especially now that football season is over) make all of them lifetime achievement awards. Every year recognize one actor and actress or musician for outstanding work that they've done over a series of movies/albums. As for best picture/best song/best album, maybe we could take a page out of the American Idol playbook and have a nation vote on which one they think is the best(since the word "best" is subjective by definition, the best anything should be the one that the most people believe is the best).

At The End of The Day I Go to Sleep

2005-02-10T11:01:00.000-08:00

As I was driving up to San Francisco yesterday I remembered something else that really bothers me: people who use buzzwords/phrases that really don't mean anything. There is easily one expression that has become the most over-used and aggravating expression on the planet -- "at the end of the day". If you're unfamiliar with the usage, it's commonly used to emphasize the importance of something. For instance, "At the end of the day we're in the business to make money." Another great one is, "At the end of the day we're going to have to tell the customer that this solution just won't work."

Now my problem isn't just that the phrase addds no additional meaning to whatever was said. That's an issue, but it's not the primary one. I think the primary issue is the way that people hear an expression and decide that they need to use it at naseum to sound important/intelligent. What's truly amazing is that I hear really articulate and intelligent people do this all the time, and all it does is make them sound like everyone else. Going back to the meaning, I don't even understand why that emphasizes anything. Why don't we have an expression like "When you get up in the morning"? That would work too, wouldn't it? Couldn't you say "When you get up in the morning you have to remember you're in this business to make money"? I think I'm going to start that instead so that if it takes hold at least I'll feel like I created the expression.

This leads me to an interesting point. I think it's fascinating how quickly an expression can spread through society. It has a multiplicative affect, infecting anyone that it touches. Think of a word like "proactive". Did you ever hear that 10-15 years ago? Now everyone says it. I don't even understand what "proactive" means. How are you proactive? Isn't the word "active" active enough? The opposite of "active" is "reactive"isn't it? So isn't the prefix "pro" superfluous? I mean, what's the difference between saying:

"We have to proactively engage with the customer to make sure they know this is an issue."
&
"We have to actively engage with the customer to make sure they know this is an issue."

The reason you use the word "active" in this example is to make sure that people know that you don't want to be reactive, but the "pro" prefix is useless. Now it's to the point that if I use the word active, people will actually correct me and tell me that I really mean proactive.

Do You Have to Pick That Up?

2005-02-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

I know I said I like to talk about politics and football, but I really thought I had to start off with something that REALLY bothers me. One of my favorite writers (Gregg Easterbrook, check his football stuff out here: http://www.nfl.com/writers/easterbrook) has a running item that he calls "The Decline of Western Civilization". Well, I think today's cell phone usage falls into that category.

Let me ask you this: how many times have you been in the middle of a conversation with someone (in person) and had them say "hold on a sec" to answer a cell phone call? Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem if you need to find out what time to be someplace (or it's actually an emergency) but 99% of the time it's to chat. Why do people give preference to someone who is calling on a cell phone when a live human being is in front of them? Whoever is in person has made a larger commitment to spend time with you then whomever is calling on the phone. Don't they deserve your time more than the person who is calling you? I mildly understand the urge to answer the phone. Anytime an alert message goes out we as humans feel compelled to respond (just like a fire alarm). However I've sat and watched numerous people talk to a friend of theirs on the phone about a whole lot of nothing, while I sit across from them wishing I owned a hand gun.

I'd think that perhaps this problem was localized to me and the fact that I talk a lot, but I've seen it happen to many people. Even my parents, who I love dearly, will interrupt dinner when their cell phone rings. My parents were the first people to get CallerID when I was growing up so that they didn't ever have to answer the phone when we were at dinner (and my Dad stopped answering the phone altogether). They're huge on etiquette of all kinds, and my Dad things of himself as a kindred spirit of Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld and Woody Allen (that is to say that he likes to comment on things that people do that doesn't make sense. I guess it runs in the family). I don't eat that many meals with them anymore now that I live in California, but if their cell phone rings and we happen to be eating together, they'll get up to talk on the phone. It blows my mind.

Now, it also bothers me, when I'm the offending caller, and the person that I call doesn't warn me. I like to practice what I preach, but when I call someone I have no way of knowing what they're doing when they pick up unless they tell me. I expect whoever it is that I've called to alert me that they're in the presence of another human being that they were interacting with prior to the time that they picked up my call. I've talked to people for 10-15 minutes only to find that they'd been ignoring someone the whole time!

Opening Salvo

2005-02-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

So I've been wanting to get on this for a long time, but for whatever reason it wasn't until my trend-setting friend actually emailed me his blog that I realized that I should stop procrastinating. Anyways, various things bother me on a regular basis, and I feel that I should share these thoughts with the world. I'd say the two biggest areas that I have comments are on politics and football, so that's what you'll read about most of the time (should you actually spend anytime reading my thoughts). Other items will make their way in here from time-to-time, but I promise to constantly mock a group or groups on a regular basis.

For my opening attack, I'd like to list groups of people that I have problems with. I'll probably devote future blogs to each:

-Cell phone users who prioritize people on the phone over people who are present
-Right-wing conservatives
-Left-wing liberals
-Over-protective parents
-Sports reporters
-Television/Movie executives
-People who don't understand statistics/economics
-Owners of teams who won't spend money
-Owners of fast food restaurants who charge a dime for a sweet and sour sauce packet

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