Tale of the Tape: KFC vs. McDonalds in China

As my travels through China continue I decided to tackle a problem that faces many food-challenged travelers in China: where to eat? Should I eat at one of the 1000 KFC's that inhabit this country or one of the 600 McDonald's (side note, KFC is opening about 200 KFC's per year now in China!)? In all honesty I'm not a big fan of either fast food chain in the States. When I do go to McDonald's it's typically in an airport (O'Hare since I never feel like waiting in the line for Chili's) and I get the grilled chicken sandwich. If I'm going to get fried chicken I choose Popeye's 10 times out of 10, but that's another story. I'm in China, and I'm tired of eating Chinese food (I like it in the States, but it's different here). To be fair I like the Chinese food here too (sometimes), but It's the weekend and I've been eating nothing but Chinese food all week.

I went to KFC yesterday at the request of my co-work from Beijing. I ordered two original recipe chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and popcorn chicken along with a large Pepsi (sounds like a lot of food -- it wasn't). It was easily the worst meal I've had on this trip. Possibly the worst mean I've ever had. KFC here is NOTHING like it is in the US. For starters the chicken breasts were tiny. What meat was on them was gross. The "original recipe" tasted nothing like the original recipe you'd get back home. It was greasier, and the fried part wasn't even fried properly. The mashed potatoes came in a container the size of a bottle cap (ok, a little bigger, but not much). At least those tasted ok, though it was one part potato one part gravy. The popcorn chicken was all dark meat chicken with a lots of random pieces of fat and ligaments still there. I didn't eat them at all. Oh, and the Pepsi was ice-less (this KFC had no ice according to their store manager).

Today I went to McDonald's for lunch on my way to the Forbidden City. I got three hamburgers and Coke for the equivalent of $3! To my absolute delight the hamburgers were identical to those you'd get in the States (I didn't try the fries, sorry). So was the Coke (I've always really liked Coke @ McDonald's because I think they water it down more than the Coke you buy in bottles. In any event, the Coke tasted just like it does @ every other McDonald's). As a frequent World Traveler (who, by his own admission is not an adventurous eater) I've eaten at my share of McDonald's throughout the World. From Cairo (and Luxor), to London, Istanbul, Pilsen, Berlin, Paris (yes, I was in a hurry), Tel Aviv and now Beijing I have patronized McDonald's across the globe. It's remarkable how consistent a McDonald's hamburger really is. It really makes no difference where you purchase one, it tastes exactly the same. How many things can you say that about? In the US, with many other options available to me, I never order them any more (why would you when In-n-Out is across the street?). However it's nice to know when I'm traveling abroad I can count on an old friend to deliver in the clutch.

Dauber's World Exclusive: How China Plans to Take Over the Wolrd

In my travels throughout China I have uncovered China's two-pronged attack in their quest to take over the World: toilet seat covers and universal outlets.

Anyone who has lived in California for any amount of time has undoubtedly become attached to the wonder that is toilet seats covers in every public restroom. When traveling to "exotic" places (like Chicago) us Californians must suffer through the ritual of carefully laying out toilet paper on the seat. China (or at least the major metro centers of Shanghai, Beijing and Hangzhou) all have toilet seat covers in every public restroom I've used. It's pretty remarkable considering I rarely see them outside of California. Think about this: If you were to visit Motorola's World Wide headquarters in Schaumburg, IL and you needed to "drop the kids off at the pool" you would have no protection from the prior user (unless you went through the toilet paper ritual). However, if you decided to pay a visit to the facilities in Hangzhou or Beijing you would be delighted to learn that there are in fact seat covers for you. What are the odds? This blogger believes that it's all part of a sinister plot by the Chinese to lull us into a false sense of security. Honestly, when are you more vulnerable then when you're sitting on the toilet? Your pants are literally down around your ankles. You're certainly not going to fight anyone in that condition. I think it's some sort of test today, but the Chinese are plotting as we speak.

Which brings me to the second stroke of genius that China has implemented in order to take over the World: universal power outlets! At first I just thought the hotels were making things easier for me (after all, hotels here are amazing). Then I visited some customers of mine and noticed they all had universal power outlets in their labs. As did the airport in Hangzhou. Think of the implications. In the US we have to buy electronics with US plugs. Same for Europe and the UK (as an aside does anyone have a worse plug than the UK? It's amazingly cumbersome and adds no perceivable value above other plug systems). The Chinese get to use anyone's plugs. They don't care. This is most likely a devious step on their part to get lower prices on everything. They already have a large advantage when it comes to cost of labor, now they're reducing the amount of money they'll need to spend on capital!

On The Road Again: Dauber Compliments Chinese Hotels?

Well, those of you that know me (which I presume is EVERYONE since why else would you read this blog) are certainly aware of my propensity to complain. It should therefore stun you to learn that in this blog I will praise, extol, applaud honor and adulate the hotels in China. One of my least favorite parts of international travel is the hotels. I typically travel abroad in Europe and while I love Europe the hotels are just awful (unless you spend a fortune), and even then they leave much to be desired. Now I know what you're thinking, "Dauber must be in a high-class hotel in China". You'd be correct now (I'm in the Grand Hyatt in Beijing), but this is also true of the Radisson I stayed at in Shanghai. A Radisson for G-d's sake! As my friend put it, "Radisson's aren't even fit for rodents!" Typically she's 100% correct, but check out the Radisson that I was staying in.

Chinese hotels are amazing. For starters they have normal sized showers and beds (please take note Europe!). They also give you all the soap and shampoo you need (again, Europe, no one is fooled by your "universal soap" -- I don't wash my face, body and hair with the same surfactant). Chinese hotels don't stop there however. The service is amazing. If there's a problem they take care of it in a hurry. Many of you have noticed that I'm what they call "high maintenance" so this is highly desirable for me. Also, all the hotels have gyms AND swimming pools (something else you won't find in many hotels in Europe or in major US cities). I stay at a great hotel in SF every-other week for Wharton (Le Meridien) and it has an amazing gym, but not pool/hot tub. The pools here aren't just pools, they're mock-ups of tropical islands!

The clincher though is the TV. Anyone who has gone to Europe knows that the TV is intolerable -- don't even turn it on. The only redeeming quality of European TV is that RTL (the German station) shows "advertisements" for a particular genre of 1 900 numbers late at night (if you're in to that sort of thing, and I'm obviously not). The only US TV station they typically have is CNN International which goes out of its way to NOT tell you any US sports scores (they'll tell you every cricket score on the planet and not tell you who won the MNF game!). Well look at the TV lineup I've had in my hotels: CNN, Bloomberg, CNBC, ESPN, HBO, Cinemax and a bonus movie station! I've never seen Cinemax in a hotel in the States, but to see it in China is amazing.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that are different (and complaint worthy) when traveling in China, but the hotels are not one of them.

But What Do They Do For The Female Police Officers?

Thailand, well known for its wonderful pad-thai and chicken satay skewers is working hard to reform its police department. Tired of police officers who who don't follow the rules Thailand has come up with a novel way of punishing its less-than-stellar officers. Officers caught breaking the rules will now be subject to wearing a Hello Kitty armband.

I think shame and humiliation are excellent ways to motivate a workforce, but I think it's interesting that the Thai Police department selected "Hello Kitty". Certainly it's embarrassing, but I wonder what other ideas were considered. Did they have a long list where Hello Kitty was selected as the best choice to shame truant officers, or was that the only option considered? The options seem quite plentiful.

How long before there's a black market for these arm bands on eBay? I'm sure some little girl could get her Dad to bid $100 for one of these. The real shame here is that Thailand is missing out on a great money making opportunity.

The other question is whether the Thai government had to license the likeness of Hello Kitty to put on their arm bands. Hello Kitty is trademarked, so they can't use the image freely. Wouldn't it be great if it turned out that the police department had illegally used the Hello Kitty logo? I wonder what the punishment would be for that...

Badgers? Badgers? Well, I Guess We Could Use a Couple

Sure it's called a "honey badger", but don't be fooled. These are ferocious, man-eating animals deployed by the British Military to attack Iraqis. Wait, that may not be true. I'll turn to the BBC to clarify...


Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic.

But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.

The rumors spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.

UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.

It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey
Housewife Suad Hassan

"We have been told these are indigenous nocturnal carnivores that don't attack humans unless cornered."

The director of Basra's veterinary hospital, Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, has inspected several of the animals' corpses.

He told the AFP news agency: "These appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known locally as Al-Girta.

"Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific."

French President Tries To Justify France's Seat on UN Security Council

Exactly three months ago Nicolas Sarkozy had his way with Socialist opponent Segolene Royal to become France's next President. Sarkozy, well aware of France's reputation in the World, promised to bring pride back to a nation that used to matter. "I want to give French people back the pride of being French -- to finish with repentance, which is a form of self-hate." After the World stopped laughing they took a wait-and-see attitude towards the French leader.

A quick survey of the internet shows just how big a task Sarkozy has in front of him:

Q: How are French babies born?
A: With their hands up (surrendering).

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
-Marge Simpson

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
-General George S. Patton

Yesterday, while vacationing with his family in Concord, New Hampshire, Sarkozy showed the World that France finally has a leader with some balls. Apparently angry at some photographers who hadn't received a translation of his earlier request to leave him and his family alone Sarkozy completely lost it. Clad only in his swimsuit Sarkozy pulled his boat alongside photographers' boat and jumped aboard their vessel! He immediately began screaming at them in French.

Freelance writer Vince DeWitt who was aboard the boat described the situation, “The president was very agitated, speaking French at a loud volume very rapidly."

Let this be a lesson to DeWitt and the rest of the World: Sarkozy is putting you on notice. He isn't your typical Frenchman. You f*ck with him, you better be prepared to pay the consequences.