Dauber's World Won't Curb Its Enthusiasm

As many fans of this blog are aware, I'm a huge fan of the HBO TV series (and official favorite TV show of Dauber's World) "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Some have even called me a "mini Larry David" (though I don't think they really know what they're talking about).

In any event I was delighted when I read in the article below that Larry David is planning on doing a 7th season of Curb. I can't think of better news as far as TV is concerned. It's a good article too -- enjoy!


NEW YORK (AP) -- Larry David steals a glance at his wristwatch. It's about 11:50. He needs to check out of the hotel by noon. He pleasantly explains he's only got a few more minutes.
David

Larry David plays a constantly aggrieved man named Larry David in "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

And no offense meant, by the way, when he looked at his watch.

"I wasn't bored or anything," he assures his interviewer.

Eureka! "There's a typical 'TV Larry' thing," he says, unleashing a small rant: "In life, we can't look at a watch! It's anti-social to look at a watch. You can't be at a dinner party and look at a watch. It's rude! People think you want to go home.

"Maybe you just want to know what time it is! You're allowed to know what time it is, aren't you?"

He's put his finger on another of life's injustices. Didn't the first President Bush lose a re-election race just by looking at his watch during a debate?

"Exactly!" says David. "The guy lost the presidency 'cause he looked at his watch! Absolutely!"

This could be a scene straight from "Curb Your Enthusiasm," the sort of deconstruction site where TV Larry thrives.

"It's certainly something that he would be interested in," nods David -- "this taboo about looking at a watch!"

Having already made TV history (and a bundle) as a creator-producer-writer of "Seinfeld," David had little to prove when he shot "Curb" as a comedy special for HBO in 1999, then turned it into a series a year later.

Now with "Curb" in a sixth hit season (airing 10 p.m. EDT Sundays), David has built on his "Seinfeld" legacy with a made-for-TV version of himself: TV Larry is a former "Seinfeld" producer who lives in Los Angeles and confronts random wrongnesses that fuel each episode, which is plotted by David, then improvised by him with his "Curb" co-stars (including Jeff Garlin, Susie Essman and Cheryl Hines as Larry's wife, Cheryl David).

Among the striking similarities between the two Larrys: Each has marital difficulties.

In June, real-life Larry and his real-life wife, Laurie David, separated after 14 years of marriage.

On "Curb," Cheryl left Larry. She was fed up after he refused to take her phone call from an airplane flight she feared was going to crash. She had wanted to tell him goodbye. He told her to "call back in 10 minutes" because the cable repairman was at their house fixing the TiVo.

But there are also big differences. For one thing, David is busy channeling himself into a comedy series, whereas its hero, TV Larry, has far too much time on his hands. Instead, he lives a life of agitated leisure swollen with annoyances (slow toasters, underwear with no fly, anonymous philanthropy, indecisive people ahead of him in line), and he courts disaster by taking corrective action.

Is TV Larry just a self-involved provocateur?

"I think he's an idealist," says David unconvincingly.

Or maybe just bored?

"No," David insists. "He doesn't create messes out of boredom. No! In one episode he says, 'I'm not an inventor. I'm an improver. I see things that are wrong, and I improve them.' He wants the world to be run the way that he feels it should be: the RIGHT way."

David -- the 60-year-old spitting image of TV Larry, from his tennis shoes to his irredeemably bald head -- says the show is a blast.

"I had such a good time this year, I think I'd probably like to do it again," he says. "My only issue is my face. I've got to edit this show and look at my face six to eight hours a day. Most people just look at their face when they're looking in the mirror. I've got to see it all day long."

Another year would be fun, except for "this big bald head," he sighs, shaking it. "It's big and it's bald. I gotta take that into consideration, too."

The head and the face have become widely recognized since "Curb" began. While "Seinfeld" made David a familiar name, he mostly stayed behind the scenes on that show. He says he likes being a public figure now.

"It's 95-5 on the good side," he figures. "The world's become a much friendlier place. Every now and then people will bother you when you don't really want to be bothered: a small price to pay. And I'm not dealing with everybody. Most of the people who know me are fans of the show."

And those fans, David adds with amusement, all wonder the same thing: "Am I that guy?" That friendly but intrusive guy, that calculating, never-lets-it-slide guy? "I think people really WANT me to be that guy. I think they're probably disappointed when I'm not."

Not yet, anyway. The distinction, always tenuous, between the two Larrys is steadily eroding, David reports.

"I feel like TV Larry is my role model," he says, "and I'm becoming a little more like him -- just because I CAN be, because that's what people expect.

"Now it's easier for me to make what would be perceived as an anti-social comment: If I'm at someone's house for dinner and there's way too much butter in the mashed potatoes, I might say so now. Whereas before I would be tactful enough not to."

So his character has given him permission to speak his mind, not just occupy a character who does it for him.

"Absolutely," he says. "Gradually I'm encroaching on TV Larry's style."

It's a whole other benefit of doing "Curb"!

"You're not kidding," he grins, free to look at his watch. "It's fantastic!"

The Scariest Part of Halloween: Finding a Costume

It's hard to not like Halloween. On any other day dressing up in a random costume and showing up at a perfect stranger's door asking for candy would at a minimum result in a call to the police. Do that on October 31st however, and you get free candy. FREE CANDY! Are there two better words in the English language? Any that I can think of aren't appropriate for this blog.

Unfortunately for me, Halloween has lost much of its appeal as I've gotten older. Alas, now all that Halloween means for me is the anxiety associated with trying to find a clever costume. Since I can almost never think of something, I just avoid the holiday altogether. And even if I was to come up with a really great costume, I still wouldn't get free candy since (apparently) someone decided that men in their late 20s aren't entitled to free candy even if they say, "trick or treat."

As near as I can tell Halloween is really for three distinct groups of people: little kids (and their parents), gay men and girls in college (up to their mid-20s). The first group is pretty obvious, and I have no problem with them. I loved Halloween as a little kid. My friends who have little kids seem to have a great time doing Halloween related activities with them, so we'll lump them together. The next group of people who really enjoy Halloween are gay men, and I have nothing against them either. Frankly I'm jealous that as a group they've decided to embrace the holiday. I've been to Castro and Market a couple of times on Halloween and from my limited experience I think gay men also have the most clever costumes (and they probably spend the most on them). Once while watching MTV they referred to Halloween as the "High Holidays" for gay men, which I thought was pretty funny.

The last group of people who seem to really embrace the holiday are college-aged women (maybe a little older) for whom Halloween affords them the chance to dress very (how shall I say this?) promiscuously under the guise of a Halloween costume. There are a some tried and true costumes here that I'm sure you're all very familiar with: cat, devil, nurse, french maid, playboy bunny and (of course) prostitute. Oh, and one year it was cool to dress up like Britney Spears in the "Oops I did it Again" video. Basically anything that allows them the chance to bare as much skin as possible (as a side note, going to school in Michigan it was amusing to watch this behavior at a time that it's typically pretty cold outside). I don't necessarily have any issues with this group so much as it really has nothing to do with Halloween.

Dress Shoes for Tall Jewish Men to Wear on Tuesdays

Ask any good marketing person and they’ll tell you one of the most important skills in all of marketing is being able to identify the needs/desires of your target market. Before TIVO came about I always thought it was interesting to see what commercials aired during various TV shows. It lets you know who is most likely to be watching that particular TV show. As a guy you know you’re in trouble when the TV show you’re watching has a lot of women-oriented ads.

The place where I see the most ads (by far) is watching football games, though I don’t exactly understand who advertisers think are really watching football games. Based on the commercials I see on a regular basis the typical football-watching person is a guy who drinks a ton of cheap beer, drives a pick-up truck, eats at fast-food restaurants, needs financial advice and buys lots of IBM Blade Servers. Ads in football games have changed over the years, but the one constant has been the beer commercials. A rough, back-of-the-napkin calculation makes me believe that in my lifetime (just from watching NFL football games) I’ve seen about 5 whole days worth of beer commercials (figure 4 commercials/quarter = ~8 min/game x 2 games/week x 20 weeks/season x 22 seasons of football = ~5 days). Ironically I don’t drink any of the beers that are advertised in games (though I do enjoy those Coors Light ads. I want more Denny Green and Jim Mora!).

Just like any good marketing campaign, retail stores also do a lot of work in identifying their target customer base. Look at Target and Wal-Mart or Whole Foods and Safeway. My personal all-time favorite retail store (from a market segmentation standpoint) is Japanese Weekend Maternity Wear (which is right next to Ben and Jerry’s in Santana Row if you have any desire to patronize them). I’ve always liked to imagine what the conversation to select a target market went like. I bet it was something like this:

Person A: I think we should focus our new store on clothing for pregnant women
Person B: Hmmmm, that’s good idea, but it’s already a crowded space. We need to further segment our target market.
Person A: What if we focused on pregnant women who were Japanese? That’s a highly targeted and unique segment of the population.
Person B: Yeah, that’s true, but I still think it’s too broad. There are literally millions of Japanese women, and many of them get pregnant. We should segment this further.
Person A: Ok, you’re right. What if we focused solely on clothing they wear on the weekends?
Person B: So we’d focus on selling clothing that pregnant Japanese women would want to wear of the weekends?
Person A: Right
Person B: Brilliant!

Every time I pass by the store I think of the Simpson’s episode where George H.W. Bush moves in across the street. In the beginning of the episode the whole neighborhood is having a garage sale. In preparation for the garage sale Marge finds a jean jacket in the attic that Homer had made that says “Disco Stu” on it. She asks who Disco Stu is and Homer explains that he was writing “Disco Stud”, but ran out of space. The joke is completed later in the episode when we first meet the character (who has subsequently appeared in many episodes) aptly named Disco Stu. His friend advises him that he should buy that jacket, to which Disco Stu replies, “Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.” We are left to wonder what the odds are that Homer would actually have a potential customer with that exact name, but who still is uninterested in purchasing the jacket.

In the interests of full disclosure here's the real reason for the name of the store. Turns out "Japanese Weekend" is the name of a dance routine the founder created. I'll stick with my interpretation though. I like it more.

Drugs, Fast Cars and Lots of Tiny Maple Leafs

Canada is truly a great country. Their density of Tim Horton's coffee shops per capita -- one for every 12K people (in contrast with Starbucks in the US which boasts one coffee shop for every 32K people) means that no cold Canadian ever has to go long without a hot cup of coffee. Their use of the Maple Leaf on every product (Wendy's in Canada use a small Maple Leaf in place of an apostrophe) reminds you that despite the fact that you feel like you're in the US you're actually in a foreign country (sort of). And of course, my favorite, they're the inventors and innovators of the BlackBerry (what would we do without it?).

Everything isn't great about our neighbors to the North, however. Just ask any average American on the street and they're aware of the scam being perpetrated by our Maple Leaf-toting friends. Americans are paying for Canadians to have cheap prescription drugs. Actually, that's not really true. US drug companies sell drugs to Canada at a different price than they sell drugs to the US because the US doesn't legislate drug prices (and they shouldn't) and Canada and many other countries do. It's effectively a form of 3rd degree price discrimination that occurs for many products in the marketplace (including those that I sell). For years Americans have felt pained as they supported the huge R&D (and marketing) budgets of Big Pharma while countries with heavy socialized medicine legislation got their drugs at a fraction of the price.

Well, now the Canadians are finding out what it feels like to be on the other side of the loonie. Recently there has been an uproar in Canada over the price of cars. Specifically it's much cheaper for Canadians to buy cars in the US and drive them back to Canada than it is for them to buy the cars in Canada. Needless to say the Canadian car dealers don't like this and want legislation passed. Unfortunately there's this pesky free-trade agreement that they signed back when Clinton was president called NAFTA that guarantees free trade among Canada, Mexico and the US (woah, wait a minute. Mexico is in North America?). With virtually 90% of the the entire population of Canada (roughly 33M people) living within 100 miles of the US border there's little reason for them to pay hefty auto taxes when they can buy the same exact car in the US at a fraction of the price. Funny how free trade lowers prices and helps consumers.

2007 Dauber Product of the Year Award

Well, it's a little early to give out the coveted Dauber Product-of-the-Year award, but I stumbled across a clear winner and need to look no further: the Wine Rack. Made by the same company that makes the Beer Belly. This product is genius for so many reasons I don't even know where to begin. First, it helps women sneak alcohol into stadiums which is nothing but goodness. To make it even better it stores the liquid in a bladder concealed in a bra, making the woman look (ahem) bustier. And it's called the Wine Rack. WINE RACK! It works on so many levels (you know because you store wine in a wine rack, and rack is a synonym for...never mind).

I did a little research on the Beer Belly -- certainly a very good idea (another clever name by the way). If you want to sneak liquids into a stadium (sporting event/concert) I think this is the way to go. The reason the Wine Rack gets the coveted Dauber Product of the Year Award for 2007 is because the Wine Rack does this while augmenting something that people like to have augmented (judging from all the plastic surgery done in that area, though I suppose Pamela Anderson is responsible for a third of it). A beer belly isn't something you want -- the opposite sex typically doesn't look fondly upon them. Being "bustier" on the other hand (not too busty, just a bit more) -- that's something we can all drink to.

Phantom Whiplash, Bystander Trauma and Ringxiety?

I apologize for not being able to do a real post this week -- been very busy. I have a good one in the works, so check back in after this weekend.

In the meantime here's a pretty funny article about BlackBerrys and people who imagine them vibrating. Hits a little too close to home for me. Incidentally, how do the writers ever decide to write these things? Did Ellen's editor come to her with this idea? Anyways, enjoy...

By Ellen Simon
Updated: 1:22 p.m. PT Oct 10, 2007

NEW YORK - If your hipbone is connected to your BlackBerry or your thighbone is connected to your cell phone, those vibrations you're feeling in the car, in your pajamas, in the shower, may be coming from your headbone.

Many mobile phone addicts and BlackBerry junkies report feeling vibrations when there are none, or feeling as if they're wearing a cell phone when they're not.

The first time it happened to Jonathan Zaback, a manager at the public relations company Burson-Marsteller, he was out with friends and showing off his new BlackBerry Curve.

"While they were looking at it, I felt this vibration on my side. I reached down to grab it and realized there was no BlackBerry there."

Zaback, who said he keeps his BlackBerry by his bed while he sleeps, checks it if he gets up in the middle of the night and wakes to an alarm on the BlackBerry each day, said this didn't worry him.

"As long as it doesn't mean a tumor is growing on my leg because of my BlackBerry, I'm fine with it," he said. "Some people have biological clocks, I might have a biological BlackBerry."

'Phone is part of them'
Some users compare the feeling to a phantom limb, which Merriam-Webster's medical dictionary defines as "an often painful sensation of the presence of a limb that has been amputated."

"Even when I don't have the BlackBerry physically on my person, I do find myself adjusting my posture when I sit to accommodate it," said Dawn Mena, an independent technology consultant based in Thousand Oaks, Calif. "I also laugh at myself as I reach to unclip it (I swear it's there) and find out I don't even have it on."

Research in the area is scant, but theories abound about the phenomenon, which has been termed "ringxiety" or "fauxcellarm."

Anecdotal evidence suggests "people feel the phone is part of them" and "they're not whole" without their phones, since the phones connect them to the world, said B.J. Fogg, director of research and design at Stanford University's Persuasive Technology Lab.

"As human beings, we're so tapped into our community, responsiveness to what's going on, we're so attuned to the threat of isolation and rejection, we'd rather make a mistake than miss a call," he said. "Our brain is going to be scanning and scanning and scanning to see if we have to respond socially to someone."

In certain circles, phantom vibrations are a point of pride.

"Of course I get them," said Fred Wilson, a managing partner of Union Square Ventures, an early-stage venture capital firm based in New York. "I've been getting them for over 10 years since I started with the pager-style BlackBerry."

For others, it's one more tech irritation.

Jeff Posner, president and owner of e-ventsreg.com in New Jersey, which allows users to register and check in for trade shows and other events, stopped wearing his BlackBerry on his belt because of regular false alarms. He put it in the chest pocket of his shirt but found that was worse, because now his phone dials automatically, which has created a new annoyance: It always calls the same person, he said.

"Phones have favorite friends," he said. "It's like your phones have a thing for each other. Of course, it's a female friend, so my wife is like, 'You're calling her all the time.' "

Complicating things further, his own phone is his sales manager's favorite friend.

"Her phone calls me all the time," he said. "I'll get a call and hear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It's her, walking."

"Dilbert" cartoonist Scott Adams wrote on his blog, dilbert.org, that he feels the phantom vibrations, "about 10 times per day" and thinks " 'Ooh, it's an e-mail with good news!' So far, the only good news is that my pocket is vibrating, and that's OK because it gives me hope that the condition might spread to the rest of my pants."

Jake Ward, a former press secretary for Sen. Olympia Snowe and current director of Qorvis Communications., a public relations company in Washington, D.C., said he switched his BlackBerry from his hip to his jacket pocket six months ago, but still feels it there.

"Aftershocks," he said.

He also claims to "pre-feel" a new message or call. "I'll feel it, look at it. It's not vibrating. Then it starts vibrating," he said. "I am one with my BlackBerry."

For some, it's a matter of projecting hope onto their wireless device. Don Katz said he came out of retirement to work as director of wireline product management at SpinVox because he was so impressed with the company's voicemail product. He worked on its recent launch at SaskTel, the telecom company in Saskatchewan, Canada. That may be why, on a recent train trip to New York, he kept checking his phone, because he said he was sure it was vibrating.

"It's like, my phone should be ringing," he said. "It's anticipatory vibrations."

Big Difference Between United and American

I'll say upfront that I'm a 1K on United which means I fly 100,000 miles every year (well, at least the past three years). Today, however I'm stuck on an American flight to Chicago (it was MUCH cheaper, so I guess I can't complain too much. Wait a minute. Yes I can). Here are some observations as to why I don't like American:

-Their web site/online check in stinks. I entered my name and record locater and that didn't work. Then I logged on and went to "my itineraries" and that didn't work. Finally I went and found the email telling me to check in online. That led me to a link that did work.

-MD80s are really crappy airplanes. No wonder MD got bought out by Boeing. An MD80 is significantly worse than a 737. The 2-3 configuration means that there is a lot less overhead bin space especially if people carry on their roll-aboards (which everyone does of course).

-American has no leg room. Coach on United isn't that bad if you can get in Economy plus. 4 inches never mattered so much. I'm 6'4". I need all the space I can get. Sitting in American my knees hit the top of the seat in front of me.

-No pillows and very few blankets on American. Even Northwest, the worst airline in the modern world has the option of purchasing a pillow. And the head rests in American are too low. On United you can adjust the head rest. The seat back only goes up to my shoulders here.

-No movies on American. Not that I care about this a ton, but I'm sure if I traveled with kids I would care.

-No free snacks on American. On a 4 hour flight to Chicago they only give you drinks for free. You can buy a cookie, chips OR a 3 musketeers bar for $3 EACH. That's right, one 3 musketeers bar for $3! When I made a comment to the flight attendant asking about any free snacks (pretzels maybe?) she gave me some lecture about how airlines don't give meals anymore. I explained that I fly about 100K miles/year on United and am well aware of the meals situation, but I didn't know American's policies. She then asked me if United was making a profit. I bit my tongue at that point. The amazing thing is that she said American DOES give snacks -- only on short flights. So they'll give you a bag of peanuts flying to LA, but not to Chicago? I need a snack less on a shorter flight. Unless that's just to encourage me to pay them $3 for their 3 musketeers bar. Seems like extortion to me.

The only thing I like about American is that they have power outlets in Coach. Last week I flew a 757 to Chicago on United in First and they didn't have power outlets (even in First class, that's absurd). That's pretty annoying. Still, the balance is strongly in United's favor. Especially from a seat comfort standpoint.

This Just In: Norv Turner Sucks!

Let me apologize in advance to my loyal readers who aren't sports fans. I rarely subject you to a sports-related blog. I can't help myself today though. All evening and into this morning all the football pundits were asking how the San Diego "super" Chargers who were 14-2 last year could possibly be 1-3 this year.

I thought the answer was obvious, but no one seems to be talking about it: Norv Turner is the worst head coach in the NFL in the last 20 years to have received multiple head coaching opportunities. Norv was my beloved Skins head coach from '94 through most of the 2000 season. During that time period the Redskins found a way to (as Chris Berman used to say of those tricky Bengals) "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory". Seriously. Go back and think about how many close games the Redskins lost. They always found a way. Over time I noticed that Norv Turner-led teams lack accountability. No one ever stands up and accepts responsibility for something going wrong. I remember a game where Brad Johnson threw 5 interceptions AND had a fumble and he talked about turnovers as if they were everyone else's fault. Certainly they weren't 100% his fault, but as the leader of the team you need to own up to stuff. Norv never has those kinds of teams. They lack discipline.

Norv is seemingly a good offensive coordinator. That's why he keeps getting these head coaching jobs. He was the offensive coordinator in Dallas before getting the Skins job. Then he was in SD and Miami before going to be the Raiders head coach. Then he was the 9ers offensive coordinator before going back to SD to be their head coach. When he went to Oakland my uncle (who is a sports writer in the Bay) called to ask me what I thought. I told him that the only fact he needed to know was that in almost 7 full season as the Redskins' head coach he had a losing record against every team in the division INCLUDING THE ARIZONA CARDINALS! The Cardinals (for those of you who don't follow football) are one of those teams that have a culture for losing. They have an owner who has historically not cared. They're the Washington Generals of the NFL if you will (at least in the 90s along with the Bengals). And Norv lost to them!

If good coaches put their players in position to make plays (old cliche) Norv puts his players in position to blame problems on each other. Sure enough on the sideline yesterday LT yelled at Rivers.

So, you add all of this up and is it surprising that the Chargers aren't playing well? I can't imagine why AJ Smith (Chargers GM), with a team this good would hire Norv Turner to coach his team. Unless he went Mel Brooks on everyone a la The Producers and decided that he WANTED his team to lose. Because then this would make perfect sense.