I'm The Opposite of Any Man You've Ever Met

Those words by George Costanza highlight what is possibly one of the best TV episodes ever made -- "The Opposite" episode of Seinfeld. In the episode George realizes that his life isn't where he wants it to be and he decides to start doing the opposite of everything his instincts tell him. This makes for some fantastically funny scenes the best of which is when he "gives it" to George Steinbrenner (voiced by Larry David) for running the Yankees into the ground (hard to believe in 2006 but for about 10 years they were just pathetic). He gets the job on the spot. If you own the Seinfeld Season 5 DVD I highly recommend that you watch that episode (even if you've already seen it) with the commentary on. David and Seinfeld do the commentary and it's hysterical to hear them watch it for the first time in a decade.

Sometimes I feel like (despite all the work I put into something) I'd be better off doing the opposite of whatever it is that I think I should do. As Jerry says, "If every decision you've ever made was wrong then the opposite would have to be right."

This morning I read that Ericsson has decided to acquire Redback Networks, which is just down the road from where I work. I then found that an analyst from RBC had written a report published yesterday morning detailing why Redback wasn't going to be acquired anytime soon and recommended that clients should sell their shares. Literally a half a day later Ericsson snatched-up Redback's shares at a 25% premium to where they were trading earlier in the day! Talk about a bad day for the analyst -- and I'm sure he did a lot of research before making that call.

I wonder if he's ordering a chicken salad on white bread (untoasted) with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea for lunch today...

On the Road Europeans Excel

I'm of the belief that as Americans if we see that someone is clearly
doing something better than us our national duty is to copy it and
make it our own. This is basically the Microsoft approach (except
they make it better), and it has served us well over the years.

Why is it then that we don't copy the two most obviously brilliant
innovations to come from Europe since Led Zepellin showed us Hard
Rock?

For those of you who haven't been to a major European city, you've
never seen the brilliance of the yellow light flash before the light
turns green. The origin of this must be due to the number of people
who drive manual transmissions in Europe. Aside from the coolness
affect (makes you feel like a race car driver) it gives drivers the
equivalent of "on your marks/set" before telling you to "go". The
result is that you don't have to wait nearly as long at a traffic
light for cars to start moving.

The other brilliant innovation that the Europeas have developed is
really a custom, and it would stun any American driver (especially one
from California) -- slower cars stay to the right (except in the UK
where they stay to the left, but the idea is the same)! Why is it
that people in the US will almost randomly select a speed and lane in
which to travel? Not only do Europeans really respect this concept
(and it really opens up a road, especially two lane highways which are
plentful there) they go one step further: if you're passing in the
left lane you keep your left blinker on so cars in that lane who are
passing (but going slower than you) move to the right to let you by!
I can't even count the number of times in a week where I'm stuck
behind someone going faster than the speed "limit" (but slower than
me) who don't get out of the way even though they're not passing
anyone and could easily get out of my way. I know some states (nj?)
Have laws that say that you need to go faster than the person to your
right, but when does it get enforced? And even if it did, we need to
instill the etiquette in people so that they're accustomed to getting
out of the way when a faster car is behind them.

I don't know how to get the US to adopt the light policy, but I'm
going to start using my left blinker to signal to people in the left
lane that I want to pass them. Perhaps in 20 years it will catch on.

It's the Little Differences

I'm on the road this week in Europe and as I sat through various stages of the travel process I started thinking of Lou's comment in "22 Short Films About Springfield" (the Pulp Fiction spoof episode on "The Simpsons" -- mainly it's the little things that make the difference (in the episode he's comparing McDonalds to Krusty Burger, I pasted a transcript below in case you don't remember it or never saw it courtesy these guys).

Anyways here are some "little differences" that made me wish I was back in the US and A:

When I landed in Frankfurt I had to make a connection through to Munich. For those of you who've ever flown through Frankfurt you're aware that it's not a simple change, the biggest pain is that you have to go back through security. In Germany (and in all airports in Europe that I've ever been to) they don't have a ramps/tables (or whatever you would call it) in front of the X-Ray machines to lay out your bin/luggage and put your stuff in it while you're waiting for the person in the front of the line. They only have table space for what amounts to one suitcase worth. This may seem insignificant, but the net effect is that each person has to wait until they get to the front of the line to take out their laptop, remove their coat and find their quart zip lock (called "zip-top" here) resulting in a much longer wait. You have to wonder though, I'm sure lots of the Europeans have been to the US. You'd think at least one of them must have noticed that the line moves faster there because they have the tables laid out. There must be some reason that all of Europe is refusing to put tables in front of the X-Ray machines, but for the life of me I don't know what it is.

The next little difference (and this one is over-reported, but I couldn't resist) is the whole situation w/ non-alcoholic drinks in Europe. For starters, no one here seems to like anything cold. Even something out of the fridge seems warm to me. If you ask for ice they give you two measly cubes. I have to explicitly state that I want an entire glass of ice (and then explain further that I'm American) to get a substantial amount of ice. I wonder how the practice evolved that Europeans don't like ice and Americans want tons of it. To make matters worse of course they're incredibly stingy with soda (or "pop" as some of you would call it). I always thought this stuff was cheap, but here's beer is cheaper (although that's a little difference I could easily get use to. The beer in the US doesn't hold a candle to Central European beers). Of course the concept of free refills is completely foreign here, and at fast food restaurants they're careful to mark a fill line on the cups that doesn't even fill the cup! To further confuse me though (back on the ice thing), Europeans do put ice in the one place where I hate ice -- juice! Every time I get breakfast here I get OJ with ice in it. Why would you serve me "pure" coca-cola, but then put ice in orange juice? That doesn't make any sense. Of course, the juice here is much worse than in the US (though that does make sense -- we have Florida close by), so I end up not having a lot of it.

The last little difference that I'll bring up today (this post is getting to long) is how Europeans will stand up while the plane is still taxing to get their bags and form a line at the door before the seatbelt light has gone off. This I don't have a problem with at all (more efficient for me, and if they get hurt it's their decision), I'm just amused by the hypocrisy of it (at least from the German standpoint). Germans have to be the most conscientious (anal?) country I've ever seen when it comes to following rules (which makes most things pretty efficient here I must say). For example, when I was in Berlin last year people refused to cross the street unless the "walk" light was illuminated (one woman wasn't paying attention and followed me halfway across the street when it said "don't want". When she looked up and realized what she'd done she scurried back to where she started to wait for a light to tell her she could walk). I just thought if you're going to follow the lights on the streets, you'd listen to the flight attendants on the plane.

Scene from 22 Short Films About Springfield
Lou: Y'know I went to the McDonalds in uh Shelbyville the other day.
Wiggum: The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonalds restaraunt. I never heard of it either but they have over 2000 locations in this State alone.
Eddie: Hmm. Must have sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know the funniest thing though? It's the little differences.
Wiggum: Example
Lou: Well at McDonalds you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right, but, they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out.. well what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese, but... uh. Do they have 'Krusty Partially Gelagnated Non Dairy Gum Based Beverages'?
Lou: MmmHmm, they call them "Shakes".

Back in The Saddle with My BlackBerry at My Side

After a roughly 2 year hiatus I'm back in the saddle. Two job changes and a move to Berkeley later, I've decided to get back on the horse, and this time I'm serious. With nearly two years of material to choose from what should my first topic be? The BCS? Dems in control of Congress? People continuing to use the hated phrase "at the end of the day" (which, by the way, continues to spread to ridiculous proportions -- I'll have to do a follow-up on that)? No, the first post is slamming the anti-BlackBerry sentiment that pervades our society.

I am one of those people who is often described as a "crackberry" user. I don't go anywhere without my BlackBerry. I've used it on three separate continents to actually answer work email (how passeé ), check sport scores and play that addictive break-out game (high score 10300). I'm constantly stunned by the rampant jealousy of non-blackberry owners who scoff at my lack of embarrassment for using my device so frequently. I've noticed that the same people who complain about my "addiction" are the same ones to ask me to look up something on Google or check a sports score via my beloved device. Some of my friends complain that the BlackBerry gives me an unfair texting advantage since I have I have a full QWERTY keyboard, but that's like a Chevy owner complaining about someone who owns a Ferrari. What do you want the Ferrari owner to say? Oh you're right, I'll go back and buy an Impala?

Of course the #1 complaint by the jealous group of people who don't have a BlackBerry is how it "forces" you to be connected to work 100% of the time. They cite numerous examples of how it affects your "work/life balance". I've actually found (quite to the contrary) that the BlackBerry allows me to have a better work life balance. With a job that requires me to mostly email and call people I can work from anywhere that has a GSM signal. Plus, everyone I know who has a BlackBerry uses it to goof off all the time. And just like a cell phone, just because someone emails doesn't mean you have to respond.

For those of you with a BlackBerry (or other smart phones) you know exactly what I'm talking about. Once you've had your phone for a month you become accustomed to having the definitive answer in an esoteric debate over who appeared in a movie or the score of a game last weekend. You get used to knowing how your fantasy team is doing even while you're shopping for your friends birthday present, and you become attached to playing breakout while rinding the BART into San Francisco.