What Took Them So Long?

There's an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer hires an intern because he feels he has a number of good ideas that were "stolen" that he didn't have time to act on. Dauber's World feels his pain.

On Friday night Dauber's World went to the Sundance Kabuki Theater with official ex-boss and ex-boss' wife Ryan and Melissa to see Iron Man (Dauber's World won't comment on the film other than to say actor/director John Favreau appears to be back in his "Singers" physique). The Sundance line of theaters actually allows you to reserve seats! Where on Earth did they come up with that idea? Virtually every other entertainment event requires some form of seats (with the excepting of things like the floor space at a rock concert). For years when Dauber's World was waiting in lines for an hour and then getting seated 30 minutes before the show. Dauber's World thought that theater owners were missing a golden opportunity to extract more money from customers who valued their time. The additional cost is $1.50 which is nothing when you consider that the theater is also incredibly nice, w/ spacious seats AND they have a bar in the balcony so you can drink beer at your seat. Dauber's World is an instant convert. Incidentally if you don't show up to the theater 15 minutes before show time the theater will give up your seat assignments -- a perfectly fair system in Dauber's World's opinion.

This morning Dauber's World landed in Logan Airport and picked up a rental car from Avis. Dauber's World hates renting cars. Among the many stated reasons is that in cities with lots of tolls (Boston, Chicago and Dallas were common offenders in the past) you pay a real penalty for not having a toll transponder device. Well, imagine Dauber's World surprise this morning when he learned that all the cars now come equipped with an EZ Pass. It's in a clever little shielded box -- you don't have to use it. If you want to use it just slide the EZ Pass out of the box and you're charged $1.50/day plus the toll charges. Dauber's World has been clamoring for a service like this for years and finally has it. Some cities expect that everyone has a toll transponder, but since there isn't a standard travelers are almost forced to get a different transponder for each city they travel to regularly or pay the price. Dauber's World doesn't know what other rental car companies or cities offer this feature, but it's certain to catch on quickly.

As happy as Dauber's World is at the release of these two, long-awaited services Dauber's World wonders what could have possibly took the respective industries so long to satisfy what is an obvious customer need? What other needs are going unfulfilled? Dauber's World will ponder this hard and bring ideas back to you, the loyal reader.


Bonus note of the day. Dauber's World likes to read the comments that readers leave on the blog. Late last week official father of Dauber's World left a message on the blog that Dauber's World thought was pretty funny, so it's being given additional airtime. You can look at his message here

And Down The Stretch They Come!

Dauber's World spent part of Saturday watching the Kentucky Derby. Of course the Derby only lasts about 2 minutes, so Dauber's World watched the anticipation of friends who had numerous bets placed on the race followed by their dismay when they lost. Seinfeld has a good routine that he did a while back on horse racing that perfectly captures Dauber's World's opinion of the "sport".

For those of you that don't know the horse that "placed" (came in second) yesterday had to be euthenized after suffering compound fractures in both of her front ankles minutes after the race concluded. Dauber's World has long disliked NASCAR. Among the many reasons cited (not including the boredom of watching cars drive around in circles) is the simple fact that there's a very real chance that the drivers can get killed (see Dale Earnhardt Sr at the Daytona 500 in '02). But at least in NASCAR the drivers are both aware of the risks they take and they're compensated for them. Dauber's World is reasonably sure that none of the horses (to Seinfeld's point) have any idea that breaking a bone in their leg results in them being killed. Dauber's World isn't going to make an argument about whether horse racing is humane, but rather the horses are not given a reward commensurate with the risk that they take. The rewards all go to owners, jockey and trainer. They're all important, but far less so than the horse.

One of the parts of horse racing that Dauber's World does like is the names. People come up with some pretty clever names for these horses. The winner of the Derby (pictured), however, is clearly an exception. Big Brown? Aside from being incredibly uncreative it's reminiscent of either a UPS ad or a giant piece of sh*t. Considering the risk that Big Brown is taking, couldn't his owners at least come up with a cool name?

One interesting note from the Derby that Dauber's World noticed: the commercials. After the race was over Dauber's World noticed an unusually high number of financial planning/retirement ads. It's almost as if they were telling you that since you didn't hit any of your bets maybe it's time to think of another way to pay for your retirement.

Happy Festivus!

Well, it's that time of year and Dauber's World wants to wish you and your loved ones a happy Festivus (official site here). Festivus, if you're not a Seinfeld fan, is a holiday invented by the Seinfeld team. It was the central theme of the episode called "The Strike" which aired a little over 10 years ago (12/18/97).

The best aspects of Festivus (in the humble opinion of Dauber's World) are the airing of grievances and the aluminum pole. In many holiday gathering that Dauber's World has witnessed there's almost always an airing of grievances anyways. Why not just make it official and part of the holiday fun? In the episode Frank Costanza announces that he's going to tell everyone how they've disappointed him over the past year. What better way to close out the year than by telling people how they've let you down? It's a form of therapy really. The aluminum pole is also a stroke of genius. So much of the holiday season seems to be commercial. Nothing is less commercial than an aluminum pole. It also has Frank points out) a high strength-to-weight ratio.

The funny thing about Festivus is how quickly it's caught on. Not only are there online Festivus cards that you can send to people, the two sages from Vermont even made a Festivus-themed ice cream (here's a petition to bring it back).

Well, Dauber's World wants to take this time to thank you (the loyal reader) for reading this blog and encouraging Dauber's World to write more. Hopefully you've been amused reading this in 2007 and you'll continue to read this blog going forward. Have a safe and healthy holidays to you and your loved ones. Happy Festivus!

Who Knew That Shrinkage Could Be Hazardous?

Among the many Seinfeld-isms that litter today's vernacular is the word "shrinkage" to describe what happens to a man when certain parts of him are exposed to cold water. Those of us who watched Seinfeld no doubt laughed heartily when George explains that it shrinks "like a frightened turtle". In all the years since that episode aired I never realized that shrinkage actually posed as a serious hazard to that part of the body. Honestly I couldn't even conceive of how that could be hazardous, but obviously I'm not as clever as Mario Visnjic. If you Google him you'll see various accounts of what he did. Below is my personal favorite. It requires no commentary. It's truly remarkable on its own.


(courtesy of pr-inside.com)
A Croatian man got his testicles stuck in a deck chair. Mario Visnjic returned to his deckchair after swimming naked at West Croatia 's Valalta beach and didn't realise his testicles - which had shrunk after the swim - had slipped through the wooden slats. As he sunbathed the testicles expanded back to their normal size and when he tried to get up to go for a walk, he realised they were stuck in the chair. Mario began panicking and was forced to call beach maintenance services on his mobile phone. When a member of staff arrived, Mario had to wait until the deck chair was cut in half before he was freed.

Worst Product Idea for 2007

The Comic Book Store owner from The Simpson's might be tempted to call Palm's new "smart phone companion" the Foleo the "worst product ever". That may be going too far. Worst product of 2007 seems sufficient. Why on Earth anyone would purchase this is beyond me. The Foleo connects wirelessly to your Treo so that you can use a keyboard, have a larger screen and view attachments and emails. Hmmmmm. This sounds familiar. Almost LIKE MY LAPTOP! It'd be one thing if virtually every person who carried a Treo didn't own a laptop and need to carry it around for work. However I'm guessing that cross section is above 95%. Laptops can connect to WiFi and other networks w/ optional cards. They can also EDIT attachments. The whole point of a smart phone is that you don't need your laptop. If I have my laptop out why am I using my BlackBerry (while we're on the subject the Treo is so much worse than the BlackBerry -- just had to throw that in there)? I'm on my BlackBerry mostly when taking out a laptop is inconveniet. Not to mention with the advent of a 3G, HSDPA and EVDO cards that plug into laptops the idea that you'd use you phone as a connection for a laptop like device is absurd. Even more absurd is that it's too big to carry by itself. I'd have to carry in a briefcase right next to my laptop! Seriously, who is going to buy this @ $500? Who would buy this @ $200? I'd actually pay money to not carry this.

Looking at this product reminded me of the famous Seinfeld routine about the Superman Halloween costume that he wore as a kid. Seinfeld recalls that there was a warning on the packaging that stated "do not attempt to fly wearing the Superman costume". He then says, "I'd like to meet the child dumb enough to think that they could fly wearing the Superman costume but smart enough to check for a warning label." I'm sure it's the same kid who would grow up and buy a Foleo.

It Was Safer on The Battlefield Than in The Camp

Sometimes in life you see statistics that run counter to what our intuition tells us. Jerry Seinfeld in his pre-"Seinfeld" routine has a joke where he says:

"In a recent survey of adult Americans the number 1 fear was public speaking. The number 2 fear was death! Death was the number 2 fear!?!? That means at a funeral people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy!"

Many Americans (at least those with a sense of our History) are aware that the Civil War was the bloodiest war in American History (over 600,000 men, and by some estimates as many as 700,000 men died). That's somewhat misleading since it's also the only war where the US fought itself, but the statistic is still no less valid. What many people do not know is that 2/3rds of the deaths (TWO-THIRDS) were from disease! That number does not include deaths from infections resulting from battlefield injuries (those are included in the 1/3rd portion of the deaths). That's remarkable. For all of the carnage in the Civil War (Antietam is still the single bloodiest day in American History -- 3600 Americans lost their lives) disease was more of a problem than anything else.

Of course this isn't anything new. It's really only recently that man has devised ways to kill himself more efficiently than disease. In World War I ~19M people died (that number is almost unfathomable to begin with). It also marked the first time that civilian deaths outnumbered military deaths. However Mother Nature proved to be vastly more deadly. The Spanish Influenza of 1918-1920 killed anywhere from 40M-100M people (2%-5% of the World population!). Unlike many deadly strains of influenzas this one was deadly to young healthy people as well. It killed over 25M people in the first 6 months of the outbreak (in contrast AIDS took 25 years to kill that many people).