Dauber's World is Hungry

Dauber's World has a bit of a problem. Dauber's World likes good food, but Dauber's World isn't much of a cook. Typically Dauber's World outsources this task to professionals (often found at restaurants), but what does one do when there's a good dessert recipe, but lacks the skills required to make it? Dauber's World found a great recipe for Pumpkin-Ginger Cake with Cinnamon-Bourbon Caramel Glaze, but alas has nothing to enjoy but this photo. Combining cinnamon and caramel is always a fantastic combination (made even better by the addition of bourbon), but it takes a certain skill to do it. So Dauber's World will go hungry tonight with no dessert; left only to dream of caramel and cinnamon. Even more troubling to Dauber's World is that he's left to worry about what to do if he finds himself face-to-face with a big bad wolf (who isn't nice)?

In Memorandum -- Dr. Ben Schutz

I learned some very sad news this morning. The father of an old friend of mine going all the way back to Jr High School -- Dr. Ben Schutz passed away last week of a heart attack. Mr. Schutz, as I knew him, was always one of the cool dads. He always played sports with us (though he would only play QB in pick-up football games). I remember watching the '98 World Cup with him and having him scream at (then US coach) Steve Sampson on TV. He put quite simply why as to why Sampson was a bad coach, "Sampson plays all the wrong players at all the wrong positions." I suppose that makes it tough to be successful.

Mr. Schutz made fun of us in a good natured way. He made fantastic jokes. He also cared about all of us. I didn't know him in his professional life, but he seemed to genuinely care about the well-being of his patients as well.

He was a very good man, and he leaves this world far too soon. My thoughts are with his family, and especially my friend Jesse.

Perfect Day?

One of the things that Dauber's World loves about living in Northern California is how many unique outdoor activities are within a few hours drive. From wine country and the Redwood Forests in the North, to Tahoe and Yosemite in the East and Monterey in the South there's no excuse for having nothing to do.

In addition to the physical beauty of the region itself the wildlife is pretty astounding too. One of Dauber's Worlds favorites is Ano Nuevo state park which doubles as a breeding ground for elephant seals. Dauber's World first visited Ano Nuevo as a little kid and has loved it ever since. For those of you that want to check it out be advised that this time of year you need to make reservations.

Monterey is Dauber's World's favorite spot to visit. It is home to the Point Lobos State Reserve. A piece of land that juts out into the Pacific and is strikingly beautiful. Parts of the park look as if they're from another planet (or perhaps a Tim Burton film). Monterey also is home to Pacific Grove. Many know Pacific Grove for having one of the prettiest municipal golf courses in the country (the back nine at least). However, something else makes Pacific Grove much more special. If you park your car on the edge of town and walk to a nondescript park and find the large tree in the middle of the forest you'll be surrounded by thousands of Monarch butterflies. How something like a butterfly knows to go back to the same spot every year is truly remarkable. Sitting in the forest with people that are special to you while eating an English muffin smothered in marmalade may not be a perfect day, but to Dauber's World is sounds pretty close to it.

Convenience -- Brought to you by American Express

Credit cards are a truly wonderful concept. Forget the whole concept of credit. Just being able to use a piece of plastic rather than deal with change all the time really makes life easier. Not only that, you can get cash back from your credit cards. With the advent of the internet credit cards are even nicer -- you can track all of your purchases and if you're a Quicken-aholic (and Dauber's World is not, but certainly respects those of you who are) you can figure out what percent of your paycheck you spent on Starbucks.

As near as Dauber's World can tell there's only one downside to credit cards: they expire and you have to get a new one. Thankfully American Express has solved this problem. Regardless of whether you cancel your card they still keep it open! Just think, years after you cancel your card you can still make as many purchases as you like. Dauber's World found this out today when American Express called to say that a card canceled over four years ago is happily in use purchasing various items on the internet. The courtesy call from an Indian call center voiced concern that these charges were potentially fraudulent. Clearly American Express has a highly sophisticated algorithm developed by numerous PhDs running on thousands of computers to determine that something could be wrong when a card that was canceled four years ago is having charges billed to it. It's this kind of innovation and creativity that you get when you decide to use an American Express card.

To further add to the pleasure of Dauber's World American Express requested that Dauber's World submit a detailed explanation of why none of these charges are valid. Apparently "card canceled four years ago" is insufficient reason to dispute a charge.

Early Favorite for 2008 Product of the Year

Yes, Dauber's World knows it's early, but there's an early favorite for the (much coveted) 2008 Product of the Year award: the iCarta iPod Stereo Dock and Bath Tissue Holder. This is something that Dauber's World couldn't make up if it tried. How often have you (the loyal reader) been sitting on the toilet wishing that you could listen to your iPod in stereo without being encumbered by annoying ear buds? And while the geniuses at iCarta were doing this they made sure to simultaneously solve another problem: where to hold the toilet paper! At $79.99 the iCarta is a bargain too. the iCarta reminds Dauber's World of the German expression "eierlegende wollmilchsau" which translates to "egg-laying wool-milk-sow". How long until some geneticist comes up with one of those?

Dauber's World Barely Needs To Comment

In a recent article in Radar Magazine they examine 11 adds targeted at the homosexual community. The pics to the right represent Dauber's World's three favorite. No further comments necessary.

The World Changed 60 Years Ago Yesterday...

On December 23rd, 1947 in a room inside Bell Labs William Shockley, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain demonstrated the first transistor to some of their colleagues (they'd win the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1956). Normally Dauber's World is all for joking and complaining, but on this, the 60th anniversary of the invention of the transistor, Dauber's World would like to pause and think about this remarkable device. Few inventions have so completely revolutionized life in the way the transistor has, while being almost completely anonymous. Penicillin, the light bulb (electricity), the telephone, the airplane, radio/TV, steam engines and some might argue even the printing press were all revolutionary inventions that changed people's lives. However they all did in in a way that is very familiar to us all. Most life-changing inventions are things that we can see, touch and interact with on a daily basis. We all pick up telephones, or ingest Penicillin. The transistor isn't like that. It's a building block in much the same way an atom/molecule is the building block for a chemist a transistor is the building block for the information age. The internet, cell phones, HD TV, and anything with a computer is made possible because of transistors. We use transistors so often in the course of our daily lives that most people have no concept of how ingrained they are. We'd be virtually helpless without them. Almost all technology in existence today is touched by a transistor.

If you're a little geeky (and Dauber's World certainly is, being a EE @ heart) look at this web page on Intel's 45-nm process (nm being 10^-9 m). The Quad Core processors that started shipping in January have over 800 million transistors in them and some chips from other companies have over a billion!

Dauber's World wonders if another invention ever led to as much direct change on the World and fostered so much follow-up innovation as the transistor. Jack Kilby's (of TI) and Robert Noyce's (of Intel) of the integrated circuit (essentially a planar form of the transistor) in 1958 was the key break through that took the transistor to the next level, but it all started 60 years ago yesterday (on Festivus, as if there was any question as to the miraculous nature of the day) in a room in Bell Labs.

Happy Festivus!

Well, it's that time of year and Dauber's World wants to wish you and your loved ones a happy Festivus (official site here). Festivus, if you're not a Seinfeld fan, is a holiday invented by the Seinfeld team. It was the central theme of the episode called "The Strike" which aired a little over 10 years ago (12/18/97).

The best aspects of Festivus (in the humble opinion of Dauber's World) are the airing of grievances and the aluminum pole. In many holiday gathering that Dauber's World has witnessed there's almost always an airing of grievances anyways. Why not just make it official and part of the holiday fun? In the episode Frank Costanza announces that he's going to tell everyone how they've disappointed him over the past year. What better way to close out the year than by telling people how they've let you down? It's a form of therapy really. The aluminum pole is also a stroke of genius. So much of the holiday season seems to be commercial. Nothing is less commercial than an aluminum pole. It also has Frank points out) a high strength-to-weight ratio.

The funny thing about Festivus is how quickly it's caught on. Not only are there online Festivus cards that you can send to people, the two sages from Vermont even made a Festivus-themed ice cream (here's a petition to bring it back).

Well, Dauber's World wants to take this time to thank you (the loyal reader) for reading this blog and encouraging Dauber's World to write more. Hopefully you've been amused reading this in 2007 and you'll continue to read this blog going forward. Have a safe and healthy holidays to you and your loved ones. Happy Festivus!

The Zipper Rule

Sitting in traffic is, for many people, one of the more aggravating parts of their day-to-day lives. It will probably not come as a surprise to you (the loyal reader) that Dauber's World is no exception. Patience is a virtue that must have been handed out in school on a day that Dauber's World was sick. Some traffic just can't be avoided -- crossing the Bay Bridge to go into San Francisco for instance. It doesn't make sitting in traffic enjoyable, but at least it is understandable. There's really nothing you can do about it -- the traffic has to back up someplace. If it didn't back up at the toll plaza it would back up as the traffic got into the city.

What is particularly aggravating are traffic jams that would seem to be completely avoidable. Rubber necking is obviously near the top of the list. Dauber's World is sure that many others have blogged on this already, so it's not worth further mention here (as this blog attempts to be somewhat original).

Equally as frustrating (but discussed far less) are traffic jams caused by merges where drivers don't follow the "Zipper Rule". Dauber's World is reasonably certain that everyone driving an automobile today is familiar with the zipper (unless they're Amish, and the Amish don't drive cars). In addition to being a useful feature on many items that people purchase on a daily basis zippers are reminders of how to easily merge two "streams" into one. As the name would imply, the Zipper Rule simply stipulates that when two streams of cars merge they alternate who gets let into the resulting traffic stream. Dauber's World is perpetually stunned by people who try to buck this trend and attempt to squeeze in one spot ahead of their turn -- like they're going to get where they're going SOOOO much faster than everyone else (perhaps they should also try honking while doing this -- that's sure to reduce their overall travel time). Obviously a single person refusing to follow the Zipper Rule has a largely negligible effect on the overall traffic flow. However if a certain percentage of the car-driving population chooses to ignore the rule (or even considers not abiding by it at that critical moment where the Zipper Rule says it's the other cars turn) the result can be a completely avoidable backup.

Fucking Austria!

The next time you hear someone shout that remember that they may not be cursing Austria. They may be trying to tell you their favorite city in Austria -- Fucking (pronounced "fooking"). Much to the chagrin of the small town of Fucking, street sign theft is quite high. Subsequently they had to invest significant funds to anchor the sign in a block of concrete to make it difficult to steal. Here's a wikipedia link to info about the city.

Alas the US has no equally amusing named city. However, if someone ever tell you to go to hell, it's good to know that that's it's not to far from Detroit.

Whole Lotta Love?

The Official Rock Band of Dauber's World is, without a doubt Led Zeppelin. Zep is as close to rock perfection as this planet is ever going to hear. Last week's reunion concert (see reviews) was one of those rare moments where they lived up to the hype. Despite Robert Plant pushing 60 and Jimmy Page showing off his white hair Zep brought the house down (see a clip here of Dauber's World's favorite song: Black Dog). What was even more special about this reunion concert was that there was only one of them. This was their first concert since 1980 -- the band disbanded after famed drummer (and the inspiration for the Muppets character Animal) -- John Bonham died after swallowing his own vomit. Bonham's son Jason was the drummer for the band's reunion concert last week (fittingly older than his father was when he died).

Dauber's World could go on an on about Zep and pray that they'd go on tour so Dauber's World could actually see them perform live, but that can wait for another day.

Last night while waiting to fly back to the official home of Dauber's World CNN started to discuss the reviews of a major British rock band's reunion concert. They promised interviews with fans and the like. Imagine the surprise when Dauber's World learned that the British Band in question was none other than the Spice Girls. The SPICE GIRLS! Dauber's World didn't realize that that the Spice Girls broke up. It was largely assumed that people stopped listening to their music because they're devoid of any form of musical talent. Yet CNN was interviewing person after person who was excited about the fact that the Spice Girls were having not one, not two, but 17 concerts in London alone. 17! Is this World related in any way to Dauber's World? There was so much demand for the first show that the Spice Girls sold it out in 39 seconds. This is the same group that wrote the "hit" song "Wannabe" . How could there possibly be so much demand? If those fans had any sense to them they'd be clamoring for one more chance to see Page, Plant and Jones perform on stage. Where's the love?

Dauber's World Offers Up More Holiday Gift Ideas

Since it's that time of year Dauber's World is trying you help you, the loyal reader get that special something for that special someone. And how better to show that you care about a special man in your life than to give him something to protect what is (almost certainly) most special to him? The Nutty Buddy is a new athletic cup that claims to do a better job of protecting the wearer's you-know-whats. Dauber's World can say from personal experience with a lacrosse ball that a direct hit to the traditional cup is not a pleasant experience. The issue has to do with distributing the force of the hit (not to be too graphic).

More amusing though than this product itself are the videos on You Tube demonstrating that it works. Here's a video of inventor/owner of the nutty buddy Mark Littell demonstrating it by taking a pitching machine and firing it at himself. At least he's willing to show that he's a believer in his invention.

This isn't nearly as funny, however, as the video of Jason who decides to do his own "Nutty Buddy Challenge". Jason isn't quite as smart as Mark and doesn't do a very good job lining up the pitching machine. As a result he takes a number of shots to his stomach and inner thigh. What's funniest about the video is that it sounds like the person who keeps feeding the machine/taking the video is his girlfriend who laughs hysterically every time he takes a shot. Schadenfreude anyone? Dauber's World wonders if it wouldn't be such a bad idea for the Nutty Buddy to fail for Jason. It's unclear whether he should be "selected" to pass on his genes to future generations.

Colonials #1

With all of Dauber's World's sports teams failing to deliver in 2007 imagine the surprise when Dauber's World learned that the official high school of Dauber's World -- Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology (TJ for short) was named the top high school in America by US News and World Report. In fact here's an article about TJ .

In all honesty ranking high schools in order really does seem pretty silly. Does it really matter who is #1 and who is #37? Is it possible that some utility can be gained from looking at what makes a good school. It does seem a little absurd though to be so specific in ranking something that subjectively, and for what exactly? In ranking universities ostensibly you're helping prospective students, but high schools are a bit less mobile. Unless you live in Fairfax, Loudon, Prince William or Arlington counties (and Fairfax is the main feeder county by far) you can't go to TJ. Most all of the schools (if not every one on that list) are schools where you need live nearby to go to them. So what really is the point of explicitly ranking the schools other than an attempt to sell magazines?

Interestingly US News isn't the only publication looking into America's High Schools these days. The Wall Street Journal looked into how high schools fared in getting their students into the Ivy's. TJ makes this list too, but a bit farther down the list. Dauber's World has issues with the methodology that the Journal used. Lots of Ivys have legacies that make it MUCH easier for students to get in (if you have a parent that went to the school and gave money you're in -- look no further than our current president for proof. Incidentally does anyone realize how hard it is to have a C average at Yale?). Dauber's World is guessing that many of the Northeastern private schools have a number of legacies. Also looking at a single year isn't really a good measure for a high school's ability to get their students into the Ivys. What would have been more interesting would have been an average over the last decade or so.

In any event, not that this really helps Dauber's World in any way now, but thanks for making that diploma worth a little more.

Benefits of Global Warming

Every year Dauber's World goes back to Northern Virginia (aka "home") for Thanksgiving. Having spent the past eight falls in California (and the previous four before that in Michigan) Dauber's World has missed out on one of the best things about Fall: the leaves turning colors. This year is different, however. Thanks to Global Warming it's much warmer in Northern Virginia than in past years (it was almost 70 on Thanksgiving. Dauber's World thought that perhaps he had missed his flight and was still in the Bay Area). The result of this is that the leaves changed colors much later this year than in past years. If you've never been to this part of the country when the leaves turn you really are missing out. Dauber's World's personal favorite is the bright red that some leaves turn. The picture above is from Wolf Trap Farm Park (which is also the only National Park which is a center for the performing arts). The trees don't stay this way for very long, so Dauber's World considers himself lucky that he saw it this year.

Dauber's World's Holiday Gift Advice: Get Them Something They Don't Know They Want

Buying presents for people is hard work. You never really know what someone wants, and it could be argued that if they really wanted it they'd have already purchased it for themselves (this doesn't count kids and assumes they have the money of course). The other strategy is to get them something that they would want if only they knew it existed. Of course this is what makes gift-buying so difficult, but if it were easy then where would the "thought" come from?

In doing some field research, Dauber's World has found a gift idea that may appeal to someone on your list (or yourself). It's no Wine Rack of course, but potentially useful. After making it to DC in one piece on Wednesday Dauber's World went running Thursday morning with official brother of Dauber's World. Official Brother is, (much like Dauber's World) a gadget fiend and he unveiled one yesterday that is worth mentioning. A GPS wristwatch from Garmin. Before mentioning the highlights it's worth mentioning that it's pricey ($199.99 -- though Official Brother says he got it for $150 at Wal-Mart). It's also big and it takes a while to acquire the satellites if you moved a significant distance from the previous time you used it.

The single best highlight of this watch is that it tells you exactly how far you went running and what your pace is. There's also another model (more expensive of course) that also adds heartbeat monitoring. Dauber's World found in his experience as a runner that's there's always the question of how far did you just go running? Everyone has their ways of guessing, but this watch lets you be precise. It also has a feature that lets you download where you ran to your computer and mapping it on Google Earth (which would be cool if you just ran in the Grand Canyon). Of course, after running with this for a half an hour Dauber's World determined that the cure is worse than the proverbial disease. It's just too bulky and expensive for Dauber's World, but maybe it's worth it for you.

Dauber's World Report From The Front Lines

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is the busiest day of the year to travel. Dauber's World has avoided flying home for years on this day to avoid all the headaches associated with traveling today.

2007 is different, however and Dauber's World (despite his typical better judgment) is blogging from the front lines: SFO Airport in the morning. What possessed Dauber's World to take a flight out on the Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving isn't important. What is important is that he's here to report to you, the loyal Dauber's World reader, what is going on.

And just what is going on at 7am on this, the busiest of travel days? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Dauber's World drove the official Dauber's World car (an Acura MDX for those of you who are curious) up to SFO early this morning only to learn that Long Term parking lot was full. However SFO parking officials had already remedied the situation before Dauber's World could even utter the words "let me speak to your manager". They gave Dauber's World a voucher to park in Short Term parking at the Long Term rates! Why can't that happen all the time? Finding parking then became a trivial task at that point and Dauber's World geared up for what was certain to be a gigantic security line. Much to Dauber's World surprise, however, there wasn't one. The entire line consisted of three people. THREE PEOPLE in a security line the morning before Thanksgiving! Dauber's World has never seen a line this short at SFO. Not even on a Sunday evening for a redeye. Good thing Dauber's World got here an extra half an hour early just to be on the safe side.

Now of course everything couldn't go off without a hitch on Thanksgiving Wednesday. Dauber's World's plane is delayed due to "mechanical issues". Everyone knows the really means "indefinite delay" (especially on a day like today). But as far as the airport conditions are concerned Dauber's World is still stunned at how empty the airport is.

Dauber's World wants to take this time to wish you and your friends and family a healthy and happy Thanksgiving. And remember, always have your pets spayed or neutered.

Who Knew That Shrinkage Could Be Hazardous?

Among the many Seinfeld-isms that litter today's vernacular is the word "shrinkage" to describe what happens to a man when certain parts of him are exposed to cold water. Those of us who watched Seinfeld no doubt laughed heartily when George explains that it shrinks "like a frightened turtle". In all the years since that episode aired I never realized that shrinkage actually posed as a serious hazard to that part of the body. Honestly I couldn't even conceive of how that could be hazardous, but obviously I'm not as clever as Mario Visnjic. If you Google him you'll see various accounts of what he did. Below is my personal favorite. It requires no commentary. It's truly remarkable on its own.


(courtesy of pr-inside.com)
A Croatian man got his testicles stuck in a deck chair. Mario Visnjic returned to his deckchair after swimming naked at West Croatia 's Valalta beach and didn't realise his testicles - which had shrunk after the swim - had slipped through the wooden slats. As he sunbathed the testicles expanded back to their normal size and when he tried to get up to go for a walk, he realised they were stuck in the chair. Mario began panicking and was forced to call beach maintenance services on his mobile phone. When a member of staff arrived, Mario had to wait until the deck chair was cut in half before he was freed.

Best Stand-up Comedian in the Business

I've seen a lot of stand-up comedians in my life. Jerry Seinfeld, John Cleese, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Norm MacDonald, Adam Sandler, Lewis Black and Jay Mohr are the best that come to mind. None of them touch seeing Robin Williams live, however. I saw him for what must be about the sixth or seventh time tonight at Bimbo's 365 and he was fantastic as usual. To see Williams at Bimbos is a real treat because it's a small venue (~300 people) and he is much less filtered than he is in his HBO special that aired a few years ago (links to selected clips below). Before I forget, if you live in the SF Bay area and you want tickets to his shows get on this mailing list. You get a days' warning before tickets go on sale, and you better be ready to snap them up in the first 60 seconds or they're all gone (and you can only get two tickets). That being said it's definitely worth it.

Tonight Williams did a few bits I've seen before (he does a great one on intelligent design that is funny every time), but he did a few new ones as well. Of course a good chunk of his material is just him making it up as he goes along which is part of the fun. This one woman in the front row kept getting up to go to the bathroom and he made fun of her every time she got up and every time she got back.

He did a bit on the first answering machine that was pretty funny. In it he pretended to be Alexander Graham Bell playing his outgoing message for a caller.

"Hello, you've reached Alexander Graham Bell. I'm not sure how you're calling me seeing as I have the only phone in existence. Please leave your name and number and when I invent a second phone I'll call you back."

The second new bit that he did relied one of his many fantastic character voices. This is possible his best of them all -- his French "I don't give a sh*t/life sucks" voice (where he's constantly pretending to smoke a cigarette. Why? Because he's French). In it he created a scene where a French clown went to a small child's birthday party. The entire bit focused on the clown telling the child how depressing life is and how the birthday merely meant that the child was a year closer to death. I can't remember all the details, but it was really funny.

The last one-liner that he had that was pretty funny was (again) using one of his voices. He was talking about Bono being at a concert recently where he was having everyone clap their hands together. Then he (Bono) says, "Every time you clap your hands a child in Africa dies." Williams then says a Scotsman in the back then shouts out (and this works best if you know what his Scottish accent sounds like), "Then stop clapping your f@cking hands!" If you don't know what his Scottish accent sounds like or you've never seen his bit on golf you should check this out.

Can a Computer Be a Racist?

That's the question being asked (apparently) after an apparent glitch in some code at Google News showed a picture of rheus monkeys next to a story about Richard Parsons, the former CEO of Time Warner. Former roommate of Dauber's World, Eric (we like to keep some anonymity here), had the line of the week when he said: "...i wonder which lucky engineer gets to modify the code with: if image == monkey && news_person_race == african american then..."

The actual Newsweek article is below.

Last week marked a watershed moment for two stars of the business world. By chance, an abrupt end seemed imminent for the careers of Time Warner CEO Richard Parsons and Merrill Lynch CEO Stanley O'Neal. Both had reached pinnacles rarely scaled in corporate America by African-Americans. And their fates dominated business headlines worldwide last Friday, Oct. 26. Online at Google News, however, the coverage was, in a word, shocking.

A keyword search for "Richard Parsons" generated a flood of stories about the executive, accompanied by a photo of two rhesus monkeys. Clicking on the image linked users to a story on neither monkeys nor Parsons. Instead, a speculative account on O'Neal's waning support among Merrill directors appeared on screen. Other than the lynch mob's noose and the Klansman's hood, few images of racism are as offensive to African-American as monkeys. Yet the bizarre juxtaposition of image and stories persisted through the week. And even after Google was specifically contacted this week, it continued.

An unstoppable racist hacker? Hardly, according to a Google spokesman. It was an inside job. The perpetrator, however, wasn't human. The search giant blames its computers and algorithms. Despite its cutting-edge advancements, Google is simply incapable of a performing a skill typically mastered by first graders: matching the right words with the right images. The problem generally has plagued Google since June when it introduced the "Image Version" of Google News to pair the top headlines with illustrative photos.

It's an ongoing problem. Recently Google News mismatched stories on Argentina's newly elected president Cristina Fernández with a photo of the California wildfires. A photo of the late Australia crocodile hunter Steve Irwin accompanied a report on the stock market. And thanks to the fast-breaking developments at Merrill Lynch, O'Neal managed to evolve. After he was forced to retire Tuesday in the wake of massive subprime losses, Google News illustrated the story with a 1939 photo of Katharine Hepburn taken during the filming of "The Philadelphia Story."

Google acknowledges the situation, but declined to openly discuss details of the primate episode. Surprisingly, it was even unwilling to go on record and explicitly disavow any racist motivation. "While we don't comment on individual stories on Google News," spokesman Gabriel Stricker told NEWSWEEK, "crawling thousands of sites across the globe is a complicated task, and we're confident that the quality of the crawled pages is extremely good for the vast majority of news sources on our site." In an oblique nod to the problem, he cites the need for "more work to be done," adding, "we're always working on improvements to Google News to ensure that the experience for all of our users ... continues to be great."

If the "Parsons" search result is, as Google indicates, merely a remarkably unfortunate techno blooper, the search giant's explanation in one respect is still as potentially unsettling as the primate imagery is distressing. Short of shutting down searches, the problem will persist for now. Google News relies almost exclusively on algorithms and automation to build its pages. For now, manually correcting one mismatch may fix one issue but simultaneously create many more. When asked when the problem would be resolved, a Google spokesman answered: "As soon as possible."

Despite Google's technical explanation, there's a twist to the Parsons-primate episode that could lead online users to suspect hacker involvement. Over the weekend, the company appeared to have corrected the mismatch, at least temporarily. At times, the primates photo was substituted with a photo of a formally attired Parsons posing with an actor in a Bugs Bunny costume. (The character is owned by Time Warner, which declined to comment for this story.) Later, however, the rhesus photo reappeared, supplanting Parsons and Bugs Bunny. Google denies it was hacked and insists the incident was again, simply a result of its computer systems.

This isn't the first time automation has managed to offend. In January 2006, as USA Today reported at the time, a feature on Wal-Mart's Web site that generated recommended purchases linked a "Planet of the Apes" DVD to films about African-Americans, including Martin Luther King Jr., Tina Turner and boxer Jack Johnson. The retail giant, citing errant automation, apologized to any offended customers and shut down the recommendation system.

Given the sheer size of what Google does, the chances of getting everything right all the time would appear to be statistically nil. In September, the latest data available, Google handled 38.2 billion searches--some 63 percent of the total 61 billion searches worldwide, says Andrew Lipsman, senior analyst with Internet measuring service Comscore. Of Google's total, Google News accounted for some 103 million searches. According to Google, it "crawls" 4,500 English-language news sites, and thousands more worldwide in other languages, to seize freshly posted stories and images for storage in Google's servers that it taps to respond to keyword searches.

Google won't disclose the scope or details of its mismatching problem. But the problem clearly seems to be associated with material from at least one of the world's major originators of news--Reuters, which declined to comment on the situation. The primates and associated Parsons and O'Neal stories, for example, were both retrieved by Google from Reuters--as were the mismatched wildfire photo and Argentine election story, as well as other examples.

Reuters makes its stories and photos available separately for retrieval by search engines, Google foremost. When the search giant dispatches a crawler to snare a story from the Reuters site, it simultaneously deploys a crawler to Reuters's photo gallery. But the image crawler isn't discriminating. It simply grabs the first photo in the gallery, never mind that the particular image often has nothing remotely to do with the text-based story.

Google says it is trying hard to fix the problem. But for now, it seems a primate could do a better job.

© 2007 Newsweek, Inc.

Dauber's World Won't Curb Its Enthusiasm

As many fans of this blog are aware, I'm a huge fan of the HBO TV series (and official favorite TV show of Dauber's World) "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Some have even called me a "mini Larry David" (though I don't think they really know what they're talking about).

In any event I was delighted when I read in the article below that Larry David is planning on doing a 7th season of Curb. I can't think of better news as far as TV is concerned. It's a good article too -- enjoy!


NEW YORK (AP) -- Larry David steals a glance at his wristwatch. It's about 11:50. He needs to check out of the hotel by noon. He pleasantly explains he's only got a few more minutes.
David

Larry David plays a constantly aggrieved man named Larry David in "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

And no offense meant, by the way, when he looked at his watch.

"I wasn't bored or anything," he assures his interviewer.

Eureka! "There's a typical 'TV Larry' thing," he says, unleashing a small rant: "In life, we can't look at a watch! It's anti-social to look at a watch. You can't be at a dinner party and look at a watch. It's rude! People think you want to go home.

"Maybe you just want to know what time it is! You're allowed to know what time it is, aren't you?"

He's put his finger on another of life's injustices. Didn't the first President Bush lose a re-election race just by looking at his watch during a debate?

"Exactly!" says David. "The guy lost the presidency 'cause he looked at his watch! Absolutely!"

This could be a scene straight from "Curb Your Enthusiasm," the sort of deconstruction site where TV Larry thrives.

"It's certainly something that he would be interested in," nods David -- "this taboo about looking at a watch!"

Having already made TV history (and a bundle) as a creator-producer-writer of "Seinfeld," David had little to prove when he shot "Curb" as a comedy special for HBO in 1999, then turned it into a series a year later.

Now with "Curb" in a sixth hit season (airing 10 p.m. EDT Sundays), David has built on his "Seinfeld" legacy with a made-for-TV version of himself: TV Larry is a former "Seinfeld" producer who lives in Los Angeles and confronts random wrongnesses that fuel each episode, which is plotted by David, then improvised by him with his "Curb" co-stars (including Jeff Garlin, Susie Essman and Cheryl Hines as Larry's wife, Cheryl David).

Among the striking similarities between the two Larrys: Each has marital difficulties.

In June, real-life Larry and his real-life wife, Laurie David, separated after 14 years of marriage.

On "Curb," Cheryl left Larry. She was fed up after he refused to take her phone call from an airplane flight she feared was going to crash. She had wanted to tell him goodbye. He told her to "call back in 10 minutes" because the cable repairman was at their house fixing the TiVo.

But there are also big differences. For one thing, David is busy channeling himself into a comedy series, whereas its hero, TV Larry, has far too much time on his hands. Instead, he lives a life of agitated leisure swollen with annoyances (slow toasters, underwear with no fly, anonymous philanthropy, indecisive people ahead of him in line), and he courts disaster by taking corrective action.

Is TV Larry just a self-involved provocateur?

"I think he's an idealist," says David unconvincingly.

Or maybe just bored?

"No," David insists. "He doesn't create messes out of boredom. No! In one episode he says, 'I'm not an inventor. I'm an improver. I see things that are wrong, and I improve them.' He wants the world to be run the way that he feels it should be: the RIGHT way."

David -- the 60-year-old spitting image of TV Larry, from his tennis shoes to his irredeemably bald head -- says the show is a blast.

"I had such a good time this year, I think I'd probably like to do it again," he says. "My only issue is my face. I've got to edit this show and look at my face six to eight hours a day. Most people just look at their face when they're looking in the mirror. I've got to see it all day long."

Another year would be fun, except for "this big bald head," he sighs, shaking it. "It's big and it's bald. I gotta take that into consideration, too."

The head and the face have become widely recognized since "Curb" began. While "Seinfeld" made David a familiar name, he mostly stayed behind the scenes on that show. He says he likes being a public figure now.

"It's 95-5 on the good side," he figures. "The world's become a much friendlier place. Every now and then people will bother you when you don't really want to be bothered: a small price to pay. And I'm not dealing with everybody. Most of the people who know me are fans of the show."

And those fans, David adds with amusement, all wonder the same thing: "Am I that guy?" That friendly but intrusive guy, that calculating, never-lets-it-slide guy? "I think people really WANT me to be that guy. I think they're probably disappointed when I'm not."

Not yet, anyway. The distinction, always tenuous, between the two Larrys is steadily eroding, David reports.

"I feel like TV Larry is my role model," he says, "and I'm becoming a little more like him -- just because I CAN be, because that's what people expect.

"Now it's easier for me to make what would be perceived as an anti-social comment: If I'm at someone's house for dinner and there's way too much butter in the mashed potatoes, I might say so now. Whereas before I would be tactful enough not to."

So his character has given him permission to speak his mind, not just occupy a character who does it for him.

"Absolutely," he says. "Gradually I'm encroaching on TV Larry's style."

It's a whole other benefit of doing "Curb"!

"You're not kidding," he grins, free to look at his watch. "It's fantastic!"