People Lie to Be a Michigan Alum

Apparently being a Michigan alum is worth more than I thought. Today the CEO of Concur admitted that he never graduated from Michigan (though he did attend for four years). This despite the fact that he said he did for some time. Apparently the market doesn't want to own stock of CEOs that blatantly (and inexplicably) lie. Concur's stock fell a lot (~20%) today. Why do I think a lawsuit is coming?

from Barron's:

Concur Technologies (CNQR) shares fell sharply Friday on reports - now confirmed by the company - that chairman and CEO S. Steven Singh does not actually have a bachelor’s degree in engineering from the University of Michigan, as Concur had asserted in many previous financial filings.

According to Bloomberg,a spokeswoman for the company confirms that Singh did not actually earn an engineering degree from the school. The claims was made in Concur filings from 1998 until January 2007; the company said Singh himself asked the company to remove the reference in future filings. “I deeply regret the mistake,” Singh said in a statement to Bloomberg via an e-mail sent by the spokeswoman.

The wire services reports that Singh was enrolled at Michigan from 1979 until 1983, but did not receive a degree. concur, which makes corporate expense management software, indicated that it would take no disciplinary action in the matter.

Bloomberg notes that the discovery was brought to light by the Fraud Discovery Institute, a San Diego firm co-founded by Barry Minkow, who served more than seven years in prison for fraud committed as CEO of the carpet-cleaning company ZZZZ Best. Bloomberg notes that Minkow, who has recently made something of a habit of uncovering public company execs who have provided inaccurate information about their educational background, says he’s bought put options on Concur.

CNQR today fell $4.47, or 19.75, to $18.20.

Stimulus Package

I know I haven't posted in a while and this isn't a fun post. I just wanted to put this down so I can reference it in the future. I still hope that Obama does a good job, but seeing a bill like this getting fast-tracked through Congress helps to remind me of why I voted for McCain.

source: WSJ editorial
A 40-Year Wish List
You won't believe what's in that stimulus bill.

"Never let a serious crisis go to waste. What I mean by that is it's an opportunity to do things you couldn't do before."

So said White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel in November, and Democrats in Congress are certainly taking his advice to heart. The 647-page, $825 billion House legislation is being sold as an economic "stimulus," but now that Democrats have finally released the details we understand Rahm's point much better. This is a political wonder that manages to spend money on just about every pent-up Democratic proposal of the last 40 years.
[Review & Outlook] AP

We've looked it over, and even we can't quite believe it. There's $1 billion for Amtrak, the federal railroad that hasn't turned a profit in 40 years; $2 billion for child-care subsidies; $50 million for that great engine of job creation, the National Endowment for the Arts; $400 million for global-warming research and another $2.4 billion for carbon-capture demonstration projects. There's even $650 million on top of the billions already doled out to pay for digital TV conversion coupons.

In selling the plan, President Obama has said this bill will make "dramatic investments to revive our flagging economy." Well, you be the judge. Some $30 billion, or less than 5% of the spending in the bill, is for fixing bridges or other highway projects. There's another $40 billion for broadband and electric grid development, airports and clean water projects that are arguably worthwhile priorities.

Add the roughly $20 billion for business tax cuts, and by our estimate only $90 billion out of $825 billion, or about 12 cents of every $1, is for something that can plausibly be considered a growth stimulus. And even many of these projects aren't likely to help the economy immediately. As Peter Orszag, the President's new budget director, told Congress a year ago, "even those [public works] that are 'on the shelf' generally cannot be undertaken quickly enough to provide timely stimulus to the economy."
[Review & Outlook]

Most of the rest of this project spending will go to such things as renewable energy funding ($8 billion) or mass transit ($6 billion) that have a low or negative return on investment. Most urban transit systems are so badly managed that their fares cover less than half of their costs. However, the people who operate these systems belong to public-employee unions that are campaign contributors to . . . guess which party?

Here's another lu-lu: Congress wants to spend $600 million more for the federal government to buy new cars. Uncle Sam already spends $3 billion a year on its fleet of 600,000 vehicles. Congress also wants to spend $7 billion for modernizing federal buildings and facilities. The Smithsonian is targeted to receive $150 million; we love the Smithsonian, too, but this is a job creator?

Another "stimulus" secret is that some $252 billion is for income-transfer payments -- that is, not investments that arguably help everyone, but cash or benefits to individuals for doing nothing at all. There's $81 billion for Medicaid, $36 billion for expanded unemployment benefits, $20 billion for food stamps, and $83 billion for the earned income credit for people who don't pay income tax. While some of that may be justified to help poorer Americans ride out the recession, they aren't job creators.

As for the promise of accountability, some $54 billion will go to federal programs that the Office of Management and Budget or the Government Accountability Office have already criticized as "ineffective" or unable to pass basic financial audits. These include the Economic Development Administration, the Small Business Administration, the 10 federal job training programs, and many more.

Oh, and don't forget education, which would get $66 billion more. That's more than the entire Education Department spent a mere 10 years ago and is on top of the doubling under President Bush. Some $6 billion of this will subsidize university building projects. If you think the intention here is to help kids learn, the House declares on page 257 that "No recipient . . . shall use such funds to provide financial assistance to students to attend private elementary or secondary schools." Horrors: Some money might go to nonunion teachers.

The larger fiscal issue here is whether this spending bonanza will become part of the annual "budget baseline" that Congress uses as the new floor when calculating how much to increase spending the following year, and into the future. Democrats insist that it will not. But it's hard -- no, impossible -- to believe that Congress will cut spending next year on any of these programs from their new, higher levels. The likelihood is that this allegedly emergency spending will become a permanent addition to federal outlays -- increasing pressure for tax increases in the bargain. Any Blue Dog Democrat who votes for this ought to turn in his "deficit hawk" credentials.

This is supposed to be a new era of bipartisanship, but this bill was written based on the wish list of every living -- or dead -- Democratic interest group. As Speaker Nancy Pelosi put it, "We won the election. We wrote the bill." So they did. Republicans should let them take all of the credit.

One More Thought On Tonite

I first really got into politics in the 1988 race for the White House (I was a huge Dukakis supporter at the time). Dan Quayle's daughter actually attended my elementary school until after the election and I remember that really made politics personal for me. For the last 20 years I've followed politics closely and despite getting upset from time-to-time over the winners and losers in various races it's hard for me to feel anything other than pride in my country tonight. The United States is a country where we elect our leaders. We have months of debate, but in the end we have an orderly (non-violent) transition of power. It's easy to live in the US and take that for granted, but if one is a student of history (and I fancy myself one) then it's not hard to find a plethora of examples (many recent) where this isn't the case. We're all very lucky to live in a country where we have the ability to pick the leaders that we want in power (even when the "other guy" wins).

I was very pleased with both the concession speech of McCain and the victory speech by Obama. As I said earlier, I certainly hope Obama is successful. This country is in a tough spot right now, but I hope Obama is able to lead us in the right direction. Despite the fact that I didn't vote for him tonight, I'd love to be in a position to vote for him in '12 -- that would say he (and the rest of our government) did a number of things right between now and then.

Why I Voted for McCain

I've considered this race over for some time, and I expect in the next couple of hours it will become official -- Barack Obama will be the next President of these United States. I haven't posted in a while (apparently since July) and I didn't think it was right to campaign on my blog, but I would like to explain why I voted the way I did. First of all I voted against Bush twice. I'm a right-leaning centrist who is a fiscal conservative and as liberal as they come in the case of social issues. I believe in low taxes, limited government, free trade and very strict separation of Church and State. I want the government to stay out of my personal life.

I've been a big fan of McCain for a long time for a very simple reason -- in my opinion I think that McCain does what he believes is right, not what he believes is popular. People can say what they'd like about the decisions that McCain has made in this campaign, but the fact of the matter is we know who this man is. He's served this country for a long time. Probably my biggest problem with Obama is that I don't know who he is. He's certainly a very smart man. He's likely very capable. However 4 years ago he was a newly elected Senator to Illinois. He's done very little since then other than campaign for President (as near as I can tell anyway). I feel as if he purposely didn't make any waves so he could de-throne Hillary. His messages in this campaign have been about change and linking McCain to Bush. They're smart tactics for sure (especially in this environment), but they don't tell me what he'll do in a tough situation. I don't know what he stands for. Most of the policies that Obama has laid out are ones that I disagree substantially. I hope he doesn't turn into a "Robin Hood" and I hope he doesn't declare war on business and free trade.

The other concern I have with an Obama Presidency (and this has nothing to do with him) is that I typically vote to have Congress and the Presidency oppose each other. Call my a cynic, but my experience is that both political parties have factions that I could do without. I'd rather the parties be forced to compromise than to have one in total control. I don't play favorites here. I have no faith in Congress right now. I think both sides are completely irresponsible. I fear that a Democratic-controlled House/Senate coupled with Obama as President will cause a big run-up in spending and give-aways to the left (the same way the Republicans have had give-aways to the right under Bush).

In the end though it really doesn't matter on any of this. The Nation has decided. I really hope Obama is as good as many people seem to believe. This country is need a big morale boost, not to mention a boost to this economy. Maybe Obama can turn things around. He'll have my support (for whatever that is worth).

Why Hasn't This Been Invented Yet?

Every year Dauber's World gives out "product of the year" awards to products that solve real problems that humans face every day. Yesterday Dauber's World became aware of a product that somehow does NOT exist, but clearly should. Androgenic alopecia, better known by it's common name of "male pattern baldness" afflicts a quarter of all men by the age of 25 and two-thirds by the age of 60.

Yesterday official hair-cutter of Dauber's World, Phoebe, told Dauber's World to watch out for getting sunburned. Getting a sub burn on the top of your head while already losing hair is a real kick in the shins. Dauber's World isn't bald, however. Dauber's World is only suffering from thinning hair (at a rapidly increasing rate), and herein lies the problem. After spending an hour in the beauty department in Nordstrom Dauber's World determined that there exists no SPF-rated sun block specifically formulated to put in thinning hair. There are lots of sub blocks out there for your skin and for your face. There are even sun blocks to protect YOUR HAIR. There isn't any specially-formulated sun block to put in thinning hair. Dauber's World thinks this would be a killer product. You can't use traditional sun block in your hair -- it's makes your hair greasy and gross looking. If you are completely bald then normal sun block is fine, but male pattern baldness doesn't work like that. It's a gradual thing. One "helpful" sales person yesterday suggested to Dauber's World that he "wear a hat"!

Is it possible that here, in the 21st century, human civilization can do nothing else to protect the scalps of balding men from sun burn than to suggest that they wear a hat? A hat!?!?!? That solution was available over two thousand years ago. Considering the quantity of products made for balding men it's astounding that such a product hasn't been invented yet. The first company to release such a product will surely win the next "product of the year" award from Dauber's World.

At The End of The Day (Redux)

Almost 3 and a half years ago Dauber's World made one of its most seminal posts about the overuse of the phrase "at the end of the day". Well, much to Dauber's World's chagrin the "at the end of the day" craze hasn't waned a bit. In fact, through Dauber's World's completely unscientific research it's gotten much worse. Every single day from the highest ranking executives to the lowest levels of the organization people throughout the English-speaking World are using "at the end of the day" to make what they're saying sound more important than it really is.

Dauber's World has had it. The usage of this phrase has reached epidemic proportions. Never before in the history of business has a phrase been more over-used. And it STILL doesn't mean anything! Dauber's World is making an open plea to all loyal readers: stop using this expression! Actually, Dauber's World will go one step further: encourage others to stop using the expression and correct those that use it. Dauber's World dreams of one day going to meetings where people are able to emphasize the importance of something without feeling compelled to say "at the end of the day."

Dauber's World Offer Superior Readability vs. All Other Blogs

Dauber's World doesn't get it. Apparently the market for light beers with a hint of lime was so under-served that we need not one, but TWO major-label American beer makers selling them. First there was the release of Miller Chill last summer. A disgusting blend of crappy beer with a hint of lime and salt. Memo to Miller: this is beer, not a margarita. Then, to add credence to the idea that there must be a market here Budweiser released Bud Light Lime recently. Wtf? Dauber's World loves this marketing though (from their web site):

"Bud Light Lime is a premium light beer that combines the superior drinkability of Bud Light with a splash of 100% natural lime flavor."

Superior drinkability? What is that exactly? Dauber's World isn't even sure if "drinkability" is a word, but regardless Dauber's World has absolutely no idea what it means. It's not like Bud Light is a liquid while other beers are solids. Now THAT would be superior drinkability. Dauber's World hates it when marketers fabricate criteria for their product that makes no sense. At least say it tastes better or something. That's at least a claim. Dauber's World has never heard of anyone suggest one beverage over another for its superior drinkability. Furthermore, what is "100% natural lime flavor"? That sounds suspiciously like "not lime juice". Frankly it seems like a clever riddle: what is 100% natural lime flavor, but not made of limes? These guys at Bud Light Lime need to take a page from the Jawbone people. Noise Assassin is genius. Superior drinkability is just plain retarded.

What Have You Done Krazee-Eyez?

Dauber's World has been a fan of Chris Williams (interesting fact: Chris Williams is Vanessa Williams' brother) since November 3rd, 2002. That's the day that Chris Williams' episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm aired. Williams, you see, is none other than Krazee-Eyez Killa himself. It's a great Curb episode (official TV show of Dauber's World), but Williams practically steals the show (of course the best scene is probably Larry calling directory assistance trying different spellings of the name "Killa"). Over the years though, Dauber's World has watched Williams' career with dismay. He's never been able to capture the genius that was Krazee-Eyez. Then, the other day, to the horror of Dauber's World, Dauber's World saw Williams hawking KFC's new Smoky Chipotle Wings! Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

While on the subject of KFC, why is it that they're always coming up with smoky this, or barbecue that? Can't KFC just make decent chicken? Maybe they should go to Popeye's. Not the most glamorous of chains, Popeye's still has (in the opinion of Dauber's World) the best fried chicken out there (but you have to get spicy). Popeye's is also one of the few places where you can say "breast up-charge" in public without people thinking you're weird. Well, maybe not.

Another Geeky BlackBerry Post

Yes, Dauber's World can hear the groans already -- another geeky post on BlackBerry's? Many a loyal Dauber's World readers who are also loyal Verizon Wireless customers commented early last week that BlackBerry always releases the best new phones for AT&T while Verizon subscribers have to make-due with older phones. That is no longer the case. Late last week the WSJ ran an article about the new 9500 known as the BlackBerry Thunder (side note: in Robin Williams' stand-up routine when parodying Condoleezza Rice he refers to Colin Powell as "Chocolate Thunder"). This is an exclusive deal with Verizon to combat the new Apple iPhone which is finally (a year late) coming out with the 3G version on June 9th. So now all you Verizon Wireless customers will have a new BlackBerry that will leave Dauber's World drooling.

In other, dorky cell phone news, a loyal Dauber's World reader (Dauber's World always appreciates help from loyal readers) pointed out that Jawbone (maker of the best Bluetooth headset ever) has just come out with a new (gen 2) Bluetooth headset. The new version seems smaller and has a feature called "noise assassin". Dauber's World would like to give kudos to the marketing manager who figured out how to get the word "assassin" into the name of a product feature. Dauber's World will now scour the Earth for other (regular, non-lethal products) that contain the word "assassin". For a future post Dauber's World will try to come up with possible product ideas leveraging assassin in their name (side bet: Clarence will post in the next two days with an idea for a product using the word "assassin" just to show-up Dauber's World).

No Comment

Dauber's World doesn't even know how to comment on this other than to say that Dauber's World feels sorry for the penguin. Note this is a REAL news story. Thanks to loyal Dauber's World reader "Manimal" (aka Clarence) for the forward...

Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin
Scientists study rare example of interspecies sexual harassment

By Charles Q. Choi
updated 9:12 a.m. PT, Tues., May. 13, 2008

A seal has been caught on camera trying to have sex with a penguin.

This seems to be the first example seen in the wild of a sexual escapade between a mammal and a different kind of vertebrate such as a bird, reptile or fish, "although some mammals are known to have attempted sexual relief with inanimate — including dead things — objects," said researcher Nico de Bruyn, a mammal ecologist at the University of Pretoria in South Africa.

One summer morning, scientists observing elephant seals on a beach on Marion Island near the Antarctic spotted a young male Antarctic fur seal subduing a king penguin.

"At first we thought it was hunting the penguin, but then it became clear that his intentions were rather more amorous," de Bruyn recalled today via email.

The roughly 240-pound seal subdued the 30-pound adult penguin by lying on it. The hapless bird of unknown sex struggled, rapidly flapping its flippers and attempting to stand and flee, without luck.

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin and thrusting its pelvis at the bird in vain attempts to insert its penis for 45 minutes. Natural, unsuccessful sexual escapades by this variety of seal with members of its own species may last as long as this penguin assault did, "but yes, it is quite a long time and thus unusual," de Bruyn told LiveScience.

The seal then abruptly gave up, moving to sea and completely ignoring the target of its affections. The penguin apparently did not suffer any injury. The scientists detailed their findings in the May issue of the Journal of Ethology.

Sexual harassment is common in the animal kingdom — "Homo sapiens are often testimony to that," de Bruyn said.

Many species perform some form of sexual harassment on members of their own species, "for a variety of reasons many of which are hotly debated," he added.

Many species of seal are polygynous, where one male mates with many females. The males often fight each other to control females.

"This system thus promotes extreme aggression in males towards each other, and if a male cannot control a beach, this aggression may spill over to sexual aggression directed at outlying females, pups or even in rare cases other seal species," de Bruyn said.

And this sexual aggression apparently might leap well beyond the species gap.

The Antarctic fur seals of Marion Island are the only seals known to eat king penguins. The thrill of the hunt felt by the seal the researchers saw may have channeled into its sex drive, as the mating season had just come to an end.

"It may have wanted to eat it and half-way through the chase changed its mind," de Bruyn speculated. "I personally believe the link between aggressive and sexual behavior is evolutionarily far closer linked than we currently believe. This has obvious implications for humans."

On the other hand, the amorous seal may simply have been sexually inexperienced and playful, and wanted practice, the researchers conjectured.

"There are many things that we do not understand about ourselves that are mirrored in other species," de Bruyn said. "Thus by continuing with research efforts on other vertebrates we could learn a great deal about the whys behind human behaviors."

Dauber's World Attempts to Add Value

This isn't a very exciting post, but Dauber's World hopes it's a somewhat helpful one. Dauber's World tries to balance the typical gripes and complaints with an occasional piece of information or two that is somewhat useful.

Yelp is certainly a well known web site, but Dauber's World is amazed at how many services Yelp is good at finding. The official cleaners of Dauber's World was found via yelp as was the official movers (ask for Viktoria and tell her you found it on Yelp). Cleaners and movers are just the type of services that Yelp is perfect for (on top of restaurants, which Yelp is also very good for).

Odds 'n Ends

Every time Dauber's World drives an American car Dauber's World is mystified by how unbelievably poorly it compares to cars made elsewhere. Current car rental (complete with EZ Pass) is a Pontiac G6. Egads! The interior is cheap and the design is awful. For the money there are plenty of Toyotas and Hondas that are significantly better. Dauber's World knows this is an often-repeated point but will belabor it one more time: what the hell is Detroit doing? Maybe engineers from GM should be forced to drive OTHER cars so they realize how much theirs suck.

On the topic of rental cars: why do they force you to have both keys in the key chain when you rent a car? Presumably they don't want to lose the other key, but it's really annoying as the car renter to have a giant key chain with TWO huge keys. Dauber's World is all about pocket optimization. Only critical components can be carried in a pocket. A single car key is needed, but not two.

In other news yesterday BlackBerry released their much-anticipated BlackBerry 9000 (also know as the "Bold"). Dauber's World's official response: "oooooh, it's pretty." Dauber's World just bought a phone in late February. Nuts! BlackBerry is betting that Dauber's World won't want to wait two full years to get an HSDPA-enabled BlackBerry -- and they're probably right. The move by RIM to announce the phone in advance of it's release this summer is clearly a move to try to make sure that someone notices. In a month Apple will announce their much-anticipated (though not by Dauber's World) 3G phone and RIM wanted to make sure someone was paying attention.

More interesting than the BlackBerry Bold release yesterday was the news that RIM is also creating a $150M venture fund for BlackBerry Apps. This sounds familiar. Almost like the $100M fund that Kleiner Perkins made for iPhone apps. Dauber's World doesn't really understand these funds. As corporate development projects they make sense, but why would such a narrow fund make sense to KPCB investors? What RIM should do is give $400 to Dauber's World to buy a new phone. Dauber's World would then take it upon himself to make sure all friends, family and co-workers new all the super-cool features of the new phone. That would be money well spent.

What Took Them So Long?

There's an episode of Seinfeld where Kramer hires an intern because he feels he has a number of good ideas that were "stolen" that he didn't have time to act on. Dauber's World feels his pain.

On Friday night Dauber's World went to the Sundance Kabuki Theater with official ex-boss and ex-boss' wife Ryan and Melissa to see Iron Man (Dauber's World won't comment on the film other than to say actor/director John Favreau appears to be back in his "Singers" physique). The Sundance line of theaters actually allows you to reserve seats! Where on Earth did they come up with that idea? Virtually every other entertainment event requires some form of seats (with the excepting of things like the floor space at a rock concert). For years when Dauber's World was waiting in lines for an hour and then getting seated 30 minutes before the show. Dauber's World thought that theater owners were missing a golden opportunity to extract more money from customers who valued their time. The additional cost is $1.50 which is nothing when you consider that the theater is also incredibly nice, w/ spacious seats AND they have a bar in the balcony so you can drink beer at your seat. Dauber's World is an instant convert. Incidentally if you don't show up to the theater 15 minutes before show time the theater will give up your seat assignments -- a perfectly fair system in Dauber's World's opinion.

This morning Dauber's World landed in Logan Airport and picked up a rental car from Avis. Dauber's World hates renting cars. Among the many stated reasons is that in cities with lots of tolls (Boston, Chicago and Dallas were common offenders in the past) you pay a real penalty for not having a toll transponder device. Well, imagine Dauber's World surprise this morning when he learned that all the cars now come equipped with an EZ Pass. It's in a clever little shielded box -- you don't have to use it. If you want to use it just slide the EZ Pass out of the box and you're charged $1.50/day plus the toll charges. Dauber's World has been clamoring for a service like this for years and finally has it. Some cities expect that everyone has a toll transponder, but since there isn't a standard travelers are almost forced to get a different transponder for each city they travel to regularly or pay the price. Dauber's World doesn't know what other rental car companies or cities offer this feature, but it's certain to catch on quickly.

As happy as Dauber's World is at the release of these two, long-awaited services Dauber's World wonders what could have possibly took the respective industries so long to satisfy what is an obvious customer need? What other needs are going unfulfilled? Dauber's World will ponder this hard and bring ideas back to you, the loyal reader.


Bonus note of the day. Dauber's World likes to read the comments that readers leave on the blog. Late last week official father of Dauber's World left a message on the blog that Dauber's World thought was pretty funny, so it's being given additional airtime. You can look at his message here

Product of the Year Candidate that You Can Actually Use

Dauber's World is sometimes criticized (unfairly) that the Dauber's World Product of the Year Awards often go to products that no one would ever actually use like the wine rack (though Dauber's World would still love to see more women using the 2007 Product of the Year award winner). Dauber's World is, if nothing else, a man of the people so in the spirit of providing you (the presumably loyal reader) with something useful Dauber's World presents the Travel John.

Before even describing the product (which is probably somewhat obvious anyways) Dauber's World wants to give kudos to the graphic designer who came up with the genius logo for Travel John (pictured). Not only are the traditional bathroom logos squeezing their legs together (presumably because they need to pee) you can see sweat coming from their heads! Ahh yes -- everyone has been there at some point in their life. Dauber's World feels your pain.

Travel John actually has a few products, but look at the description of the bread-and-butter disposable urinal product:

Each Bag is made of strong plastic, that is puncture resistant and contains our Revolutionary LIQSORB® polymer pouch that solidifies liquids instantly into a Leak-proof, odorless, spill-proof gel that is non-toxic and safe for disposal in any waste bin.

Other features include a "unisex adapter" (does Dauber's World even need to make a sarcastic remark here? This is the best ever use of that phrase) as well as a volume indicator and spill guard.

Right now you're probably thinking that it couldn't possibly get any better, but it does. They actually have (Dauber's World is not making this up) a video demonstrating how it works (note you have to hit the pause button, then play to see the video on the site)! Whoever designed this product actually thought quite a bit about the problem and did a commendable job devising an almost perfect solution. The real downside of the product is that there's no way to discretely use it. Just think of how much more useful this would be if it could be used without anyone knowing that you were using it. Imagine being stuck in a meeting and needing to go to the bathroom, but you can't leave (for whatever reason). The way the disposable urinal is currently designed doesn't afford you the ability to use it in that situation. Solving this problem would certainly catapult Travel John into the class of other life-changing inventions such as the steam engine, the light bulb, the airplane, penicillin, the transistor and internet porn.

And Down The Stretch They Come!

Dauber's World spent part of Saturday watching the Kentucky Derby. Of course the Derby only lasts about 2 minutes, so Dauber's World watched the anticipation of friends who had numerous bets placed on the race followed by their dismay when they lost. Seinfeld has a good routine that he did a while back on horse racing that perfectly captures Dauber's World's opinion of the "sport".

For those of you that don't know the horse that "placed" (came in second) yesterday had to be euthenized after suffering compound fractures in both of her front ankles minutes after the race concluded. Dauber's World has long disliked NASCAR. Among the many reasons cited (not including the boredom of watching cars drive around in circles) is the simple fact that there's a very real chance that the drivers can get killed (see Dale Earnhardt Sr at the Daytona 500 in '02). But at least in NASCAR the drivers are both aware of the risks they take and they're compensated for them. Dauber's World is reasonably sure that none of the horses (to Seinfeld's point) have any idea that breaking a bone in their leg results in them being killed. Dauber's World isn't going to make an argument about whether horse racing is humane, but rather the horses are not given a reward commensurate with the risk that they take. The rewards all go to owners, jockey and trainer. They're all important, but far less so than the horse.

One of the parts of horse racing that Dauber's World does like is the names. People come up with some pretty clever names for these horses. The winner of the Derby (pictured), however, is clearly an exception. Big Brown? Aside from being incredibly uncreative it's reminiscent of either a UPS ad or a giant piece of sh*t. Considering the risk that Big Brown is taking, couldn't his owners at least come up with a cool name?

One interesting note from the Derby that Dauber's World noticed: the commercials. After the race was over Dauber's World noticed an unusually high number of financial planning/retirement ads. It's almost as if they were telling you that since you didn't hit any of your bets maybe it's time to think of another way to pay for your retirement.

Brick Walls

"Brick walls are there for a reason. They let us prove how badly we want things."
-- Prof Randy Paunch

I normally don't do blog posts like this. Many of you have noted (or complained) of my typical 3rd person writing style in Dauber's World. I wanted to share something with all of you that really touched me -- Randy Paunch's last lecture that has been making it's way all over the internet. Many Universities today have "last lecture" series where professors give a hypothetical last lecture that they would give if it was the last lecture they had to give. Unfortunately in Randy's case this wasn't a hypothetical talk. He was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer last August and he gave his lecture in September. He was given 3-6 months to live, but he's managed to fight off the cancer for a little while longer. Since giving the lecture he moved his family back to Virginia so his wife could be near her family to help her raise their three children after he dies.

The lecture is long (75 minutes), but well worth it. If you're really in a rush at least watch the last ~10 minutes. Here's a link to the whole speech.

I don't want to say too much about the lecture itself -- I can't aptly describe it. I'll just say that he focuses on three topics: his childhood dreams, how you can help others achieve their dreams and the lessons he's learned in the course of his life.

This Bud's for You

Dauber's World often thinks of itself as somewhat of a beer aficionado and never really has been a big fan of any of the major-label US beers. If only Anheuser Busch spent a fraction of their marketing budget on developing good beer imagine what they'd be able to do? Well, just when you thought it wasn't possible to make Budweiser any more disgusting, they upped the ante and introduced Chelada. Chelada (which sounds like a sexually transmitted disease). Is a pre-mixed can of beer and Clamato. Clamato is (of course) tomato juice and clam juice. That's right. Chelada is a mixture of tomato juice, clam juice and beer. What were they thinking? That has to be the most disgusting mixed-drink Dauber's World has ever thought of. Who @ AB is responsible for allowing this product to hit the market?

On the bright side, the existence of Chelada gives hope to millions of entrepreneurs. Anytime someone tells them that their ideas will never see the light of day they can look up and say, "Hey, if Anheuser Busch can sell Chelada then my idea has a chance." So, for all of you out there with a bad idea (but you're pursuing it anyways), this Chelada is for you!

Life Takes Visa?

Continuing the theme from earlier today, Dauber's World continues to
be confused by the wearing of tshirts by service personnel with credit
card companies on them when the establishment they work in doesn't
accept credit cards!

Dauber's World is blogging from a Samba Bar in Rio right now (in a
part of town called Lapa). Everyone that works here has a shirt with a
Visa logo embroidered on the sleave. Of course upon entering the bar
Dauber's World was told that this is a cash only establishment.

For the first time in a very long time Dauber's World is at a loss for words.

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For Everything Else There's Mastercard?

Dauber's World has discovered another interesting phenomena while
traveling in Rio: a number of service workers here wear MasterCard
shirts. That does not mean, however that their business accepts
MasterCard or any credit card for that matter.

For instance Dauber's World and official former roommate Eric took a
cab from a tourist attraction back to the hotel. Despite the fact that
the driver wore a MasterCard tshirt he only accepted cash.

In fact Eric noticed that virtually every wait staff here wears the
same colared shirt with the MasterCard logo (with the words
"MasterCard" written on the short sleve). However that isn't an
indication that the restaurant will accept MasterCard.

This is a truly bizarre occurence in the opinion of Dauber's World.
Either MasterCard has an odd sponsorship program or there was a huge
sale on these white MasterCard shirts that half of the service
industry in Rio purchased.

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Half a World Away (Part 2)

Dauber's World continues his expose on Rio de Janeiro. After being
here a week a few more observations are worth noting:

-This city has more taxis per capita than any in the world. You never
have to wait for a taxi. There's always one available. Anytime of day.
Dauber's World wonders how there's enough business to sustain all of
these taxi drivers.
-If you're a woman you basically have to wear a bikini. Really doesn't
matter if you want to wear them. It would appear that you can't even
purchase a non-bikini based bath suit for a woman.
-Speaking of bathing suits, many men here never got the memo that
speedos are only needed for racing -- NOT for hang at the beach.
Dauber's World expects older generations to not know this, but far too
mant men Dauber's World's age are offenders too.
-On the topic of bathing suits it's worth noting that the beaches here
are sort of segregated informally. They're numbered and different
types of people hang out at different numbers. For instance it is
apparently well-know that the attractive, young single women hang out
by #9. If only the rest of life followed this simple principle.

Overall Dauber's World is a big fan of Rio. The only complaint (which
will surprise none of you who know Dauber's World) is the food. The
food is nothing special. Dauber's World has eaten the traditional
Brazillian dish of rice, black beans and meat a number of times and
that's pretty good. But there's a limit to how many beans you can eat
before the smell even bothers you. There's a strong Italian food
influence here and that's pretty good. It seems silly to fly all the
way here and eat Italian food, but that's what many of the restaurants
are.

Then of course there's McDonalds. Dauber's World conducted his test
and has now had a McDonalds hamburger on five continents! Only
Australia remains (unless Antartica becomes a prime location as well).
Again what's remarkable about McDonalds is that their hamburgers are
the same everywhere. This isn't to say they're good. Just about every
fast foot chain has a better burger than McDonalds, but the quality
control is impressive.

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